daemongrrl Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 Not really expecting any response, but just funky right now. I used to always crash in January, to the point that I called any crash "being January," but haven't actually crashed in January in a long time. Now, I feel like I'm on this roller coaster from hell. Mostly, I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm not on meds, and won't be, for awhile (I'm trying to get pregnant, and am BPII/depressed...god knows which) so I'm trying to pull back up myself. With varying degrees of success. I get frustrated with the moods now, which is good, and don't tend to really let them rule, but it's hard not to, when they're being so all-pervasive. I'm dealing with a ton of stuff in therapy right now that's really freaking me out, and doesn't seem to be helping, though I'm assured it will eventually. I think I'm just tired of staying up all night thinking about how come I can't get all this in order. It's this cyclical thing, too, because staying up or having nightmares causes my brain to go funky more, which causes me to stay up or have nightmares more, around and around until I want to scream. This is all pointless (not life; I'm not there yet, though I worry when it'll come creeping in ). I just needed to kvetch for a bit, I suppose. i'm feeling lonely and support-less, despite being more surrounded by friends and support than I ever have been during any prior crash. *screams into the night* /meaningless ravings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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