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Things shouldn't change.  Ever.

I transferred colleges last summer.  I went from being around pretentious dorks who, despite being too studious for me, got me on a certain level, to being around J.Crew models who can barely spell their own names.  They are mean, nasty, shallow people who hate anyone who isn't like them.  I'm not like them.  I've been here since August and I haven't made a single friend.  20,000 students here and I can't relate to one of them.

My parents are moving.  I've been wanting this forever.  But now that it's happening I feel like I'm not ready.  It's never been about my parents--I love them--it's just been about the area.  But they're moving back to my hometown.  And part of the reason I transferred here was to be closer to home, and now I'm not going to be any closer to home.  Change is bad.

Everyone is growing up.  My sister is moving in with her boyfriend.  My best friend is talking about getting married.  Everyone has changed.  People forget about me.  Things aren't the same.  I want things to go back to the way they were when things were good.

I feel like I should be doing something to move forward.  I feel like I'm the only one standing still and everyone is doing productive things and progressing and I'm just kind of stagnant.  I'll have 60 hours at the end of this semester and won't be eligible to transfer, and that's really scaring me, because I'll either have to stay in this fuckhole for 2 more years or just drop out altogether.  Dropping out would mean no more insurance and no more meds.  Not good.  But this place--I can't even put into words how vile it is and how completely awkward and awful I feel here.

I hadn't cried in so long.  I hadn't felt suicidal in so long.  Now both are here and I'm just at this place I absolutely don't want to be again.  I feel so unwanted.  Everyone is telling me to do something else, which usually involves being somewhere far away from them.  I just want someone to tell me they want me around all the time.

I want to die.

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Things shouldn't change.  Ever.

I transferred colleges last summer.  I went from being around pretentious dorks who, despite being too studious for me, got me on a certain level, to being around J.Crew models who can barely spell their own names.  They are mean, nasty, shallow people who hate anyone who isn't like them.  I'm not like them.  I've been here since August and I haven't made a single friend.  20,000 students here and I can't relate to one of them.

amazing how dumb some college students can be huh?

i know this sounds cheesy, but when i was having a hard time finding people i could relate to, i joined campus groups.  i got involved in the rape crisis center, and it gave me a sense of purpose and a group of friends with similar values to mine.  i'm not saying you should join that group (at all) just that groups like that, activists groups, art groups, etc. may help you meet people who are more like you.  people who are interested in things you are and who care enough about their interests to skip the make up before class and think about things.

My parents are moving.  I've been wanting this forever.  But now that it's happening I feel like I'm not ready.  It's never been about my parents--I love them--it's just been about the area.  But they're moving back to my hometown.  And part of the reason I transferred here was to be closer to home, and now I'm not going to be any closer to home.  Change is bad.
i freaked the fuck out when my parents sold the house i grew up in and moved.  when you're in college and everything is in flux, "home" is an important concept, whether home is a city or a house or your family, when you life is in constant transition and you have to move every spring and fall, "home" means a lot. 

Everyone is growing up.  My sister is moving in with her boyfriend.  My best friend is talking about getting married.  Everyone has changed.  People forget about me.  Things aren't the same.  I want things to go back to the way they were when things were good.

I feel like I should be doing something to move forward.  I feel like I'm the only one standing still and everyone is doing productive things and progressing and I'm just kind of stagnant.  I'll have 60 hours at the end of this semester and won't be eligible to transfer, and that's really scaring me, because I'll either have to stay in this fuckhole for 2 more years or just drop out altogether.  Dropping out would mean no more insurance and no more meds.  Not good.  But this place--I can't even put into words how vile it is and how completely awkward and awful I feel here.

i'm sorry that you hate your school.  it sucks to feel like the black sheep in a sea of jcrew.  it's hard to feel like the world is moving ahead without you and you just want it to stop.

I hadn't cried in so long.  I hadn't felt suicidal in so long.  Now both are here and I'm just at this place I absolutely don't want to be again.  I feel so unwanted.  Everyone is telling me to do something else, which usually involves being somewhere far away from them.  I just want someone to tell me they want me around all the time.

I want to die.

i'm so sorry that you are feeling alone and unloved.

are you seeing a therapist on campus?

try to remember that there are always more options than you think.

you could take a leave of absence instead of dropping out if you need a break and some time to heal.

there are a LOT of major changes going on in your life, and they are things that you have every right to be really upset about. 

but, try and hang in there.  come here and tell us how much the jcrew bastards suck.  sign into chat and tell us why your home town is so great. 

i know this sounds silly, but the thinking you're doing now, it shows that you're not being left behind.  you may be growing up faster than the people around you.  boyfriends and weddings are not what growing up is all about. 

take care, and keep checking in here with us, ok?

penny

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Ditto everything Penny said. I found groups/activities worked for me when I was in college. A few things:

1) You may find that there actually are some kindred spririts, like-minded souls in the sea of J Crews. Doesn't take many. Meeting one or two can make a difference.

2) You will actually learn more and more about yourself, what matters to you, what you care about, by looking for groups and activities that mean something to you.

3) Turning those interests or concerns into action always helps to get us outside of our own heads, at least for awhile -- which is a good thing! Doesn't matter if it's learning to knit or working for a cause, it's all good.

4) Don't forget the larger community. If you can't find what you want on campus, look to what's in the local area. A lot of times the local papers run "Community Activities" or "Volunteer Opportunities" listings. Most campuses have a "volunteer coordinator" or "community outreach coordinator" (or some such title) just for this purpose -- to match up student volunteers to community organizations. You could meet some really cool people that way! Doesn't have to be a volunteer situation either; again you can just find some interesting activities or groups in the community.

Hope this helps. Hang in there. May not be any solace, but you are not alone. A lot of students feel the way you do.

Best,

revlow

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