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jacques

Things you've done while manic

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Just a few:

- bought a brand new iPad and then quit my job without another lined up

- just spending all my money in general on new projects that I drop later on

- ran away to live with my boyfriend for 7 months when my parents told me I couldn't be with him

- came out to almost my entire family on impulse over text messages

- lots of irrational behavior out of paranoia and delusions

- a looot of weird shit during a time when I actually believed I was a vampire with magical abilities

- tried to magically control the weather and believed I was special and magical

- just a lot of weird shit from psychosis

- also I've quit and then restarted college three times

Edited by ohjustchillin

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- This one time I almost got married and was going to move to Alabama ... luckily my fear of commitment kicked in when his parents said, "welcome to the family."  The ring is really pretty though.

- I've been to Hawaii, Mexico, the Bahamas, and The Wizarding World of Harry Potter despite the fact that I make $11/hr and work part-time.

- Oh, and I have a brand new car.

- I changed majors and colleges 6 times.  I finally landed on the one that I'm genuinely passionate about and going to see through to the end: Nursing.  However, past majors included (in order): dance, international studies, archaeology, special education, and astrophysics.

- Many sexual indiscretions and scandals.  I wore a shirt that had 'all the rumors are true' written across it, Easy-A style.

- For a long time in high school I believed that I was some kind of reincarnated ancient super-spirit or something like that.  I would suddenly start channeling my ancient soul and speak its language.  I was pretty quirky and funny, so my friends thought I was joking and that it was hilarious. 

- There were many times when I would go, like, 24 hours without sleep because sleep is for squares.

- I almost opened a bookstore.  Had it all planned out, the name, how I wanted it decorated, everything.  I know absolutely nothing about business.

- Helicopter pilot.  I was determined to become a helicopter pilot and work for Green Peace and stuff like that.

- My non-profit that I was going to start that would provide every kind of service you could think of for free with no government funding, so that Republicans would have nothing to complain about.  Honestly though, I still would really like if that became a thing.

- I was convinced that I was meant to lead some kind of great revolution and change the world.

- The time I flipped shit and took off the the beach ... at 110 mph ... with a backpack full of books that I was going to read all in one day ... forgot where I was going halfway there ... was convinced I had been on the road for 2 hours and it had only been 15 mins ... stopped on the side of the highway in MD, called Mom, and had a total mental breakdown  ... convinced Mom not to call the state troopers ... went to the beach and happily swam in the ocean and then read a book.  The beach is 3 hours away.  I was originally going to go to FL (6 states south), but decided against it.  Two months later, after I was finally stable, I realized I had forgotten to renew my registration and have my car inspected and done all of this while they had been expired ... for several months.

- I went through this phase where I would just start changing in front of people.  Nakedness is next to Godliness, what can I say.

- I literally thought that I was Jesus.  Not even kidding.  Somehow I was able to know that it was likely not a good idea to tell anybody that ...

- One of my favorite moments -- the time I woke my roommate up in the middle of the night because I was pissed off about racism and bigotry and how people need to stop teaching their children to hate and people need to start being kind to each other and stop acting like jackasses.  It was literally the middle of the night.  I went on for at least and hour, possibly more.

- So many more things.

Edited by Lorelion
correction

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On 1/8/2017 at 4:03 PM, aura said:

- Stood in front of the bus that takes you across the border in the foreign country because the border guards were giving my friend a hard time. Also screamed at the guards and had guns pointed at me from watchtowers. No fear.

I identify with this one so much, aura.  I can't even tell you how many times I've gone off at cops and other authorities because I don't like injustice and they were abusing their power.  How I haven't been arrested is a mystery to me.

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Well let's see.  

I bought a car after dinner one night.  It was manual and I can't drive stick. Tried to drive it once.....too hard.  

Became convinced the trees and sky were looking at me, waving at me and knew me. We were one.  Really though I still know this as true.  Just can't shake it.

Masturbated just about everywhere.  Had sex in really odd places.   Worst/best was in the courtyard of a local church. The acoustics were fucking awesome. Pun intended. 

Bought a  complete cowgirl outfit via amazon.   Shirt, hat, jeans, boots and a leather duster. 

Way too many Amazon nights of shame to list.  

Took my car in for an oil change and bought a new one. 

I got a car thing. 

 

 

Edited by dragonfly23

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Mine are kinda boring. I don't sleep and do things like feel the pressing urge to clean the house at 3:00 am, I don't usually do much housekeeping when I am stable. I think my overriding fear of spending money shifts my manic urges from spending to making things. I do a lot of house renovation type stuff that I don't have any idea how to do but I get obsessed with and it seems I have to do it. Also write things that seem so brilliant and insightful but they are horribly written and I get rid of later when I am sane. After long enough without sleep it goes over to a mixed episode where I have lots of energy but everything in life seems horrid, hopeless and meaningless and I'm suicidal, then if it is bad enough I have a little psychosis to top things off.

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I've had many similar experiences. But my first episode of mania, as I recall, when I was probably 10 or 11. We had all played Risk that night, and before I went to bed I tried to get my mom to agree to take me to the United Nations so I can show them Risk and the futility of war. World peace was within my grasp! 

Also, the Treaty of Versailles was total bullshit. 

Edited by ovOidampUle

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9 hours ago, wadjet said:

Mine are kinda boring. I don't sleep and do things like feel the pressing urge to clean the house at 3:00 am, I don't usually do much housekeeping when I am stable. I think my overriding fear of spending money shifts my manic urges from spending to making things. I do a lot of house renovation type stuff that I don't have any idea how to do but I get obsessed with and it seems I have to do it. Also write things that seem so brilliant and insightful but they are horribly written and I get rid of later when I am sane. After long enough without sleep it goes over to a mixed episode where I have lots of energy but everything in life seems horrid, hopeless and meaningless and I'm suicidal, then if it is bad enough I have a little psychosis to top things off.

Omg you brought back memories.    I reupholstered a couch and two chairs one weekend.  I have no idea how to do that, but they turned out pretty good.  

I am famous for digging up large areas of my lawn and creating a new garden. After the digging not much more happens. 

I built a retaining wall, I laid a hard wood floor. Of course I painted walls at all times of day or night. 

Most of my ideas are obsessions. Not really sure if there is a middle ground for me.

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I planned what to report here but in the end some of my sex and spending episodes are just too embarrassing to want to share. Once though I went around to selected coworkers and told them what a great job they did and how much I liked and admired them. Two thought I was coming on to them so not good. But did the same with family and it turned out well so not all disaster. Also had to take 2nd mortgage to pay manic debt, instead of filing bankruptcy. You'd think pdoc might diagnose me correctly after hearing that. Mainly I try to forget the manic disasters because of shame and embarrassment. 

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14 hours ago, Lorelion said:

I identify with this one so much, aura.  I can't even tell you how many times I've gone off at cops and other authorities because I don't like injustice and they were abusing their power.  How I haven't been arrested is a mystery to me.

No arrests here either, thankfully! This is actually only one of my "I was manic at the airport/border" stories. Another classic is the time I showed up to my middle of the night flight - again in a foreign country with a heavy military presence - wasted and belligerent and covered in sand from having wrestled my bestie on the beach moments before. I threw my backpack on the floor and was kicking it along. They ended up actually putting me through less security because no one wanted to waste their time trying to talk to me.

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50 minutes ago, sugarsugar said:

Mainly I try to forget the manic disasters because of shame and embarrassment. 

Me too.  So. much. embarrassment.

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9 hours ago, dragonfly23 said:

I am famous for digging up large areas of my lawn and creating a new garden. After the digging not much more happens.

Ahhhhh! Gardens! Must have huge garden using some method I read about on the internet!! Good God! Am I glad it is all grass now. I didn't lay hardwood, but I did strip the carpet from everywhere and took months refinishing the floors. I actually started by hand sanding. It took me awhile to realize I needed to rent a huge sander thing. My family finally rebelled (I had made them remove all the furniture from the main rooms to the basement and didn't let them walk on the floors for months) and made me stop when I was on the final coating of finishing the floor and so parts of my entry way only got one coat and is noticeably more warn.

 

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On 1/16/2017 at 11:56 AM, aura said:

No arrests here either, thankfully! This is actually only one of my "I was manic at the airport/border" stories. Another classic is the time I showed up to my middle of the night flight - again in a foreign country with a heavy military presence - wasted and belligerent and covered in sand from having wrestled my bestie on the beach moments before. I threw my backpack on the floor and was kicking it along. They ended up actually putting me through less security because no one wanted to waste their time trying to talk to me.

Oh, the things us bipolar folk do. Lol. I'm glad you haven't been arrested as well!

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Oh man, I usually feel pretty embarassed too when I think back of all the stuff I've done.... And I tend to forget a lot as well, so not going to dig too deep for now.

What I do remember:

- quitting school without informing anyone
- quitting jobs without informing anyone|
- hyperfocus on certain subjects that basically leads to too much money-spending, rigorous redecorations, baking/cooking insane amounts of food or going to the same band gigs over and over again
- getting spontaneous tattoos

And overall I can be pretty annoying and irritated during those phases, so I probably made life hell for quite some people as well...

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Aside from the things I have done myself which I already mentioned here... my mom who was also bipolar did some crazy things too. She had a dream that my grandma and my then-step-dad died of heart attacks. But she thought it was real. And told me she burned all of clothes and furniture and was going to buy all new stuff. She made me go get a shampoo (wtf?) and then came back to get me in all brand new clothing. She test drove a car and wanted to pay for it while still sitting in the car, with her credit card. She made faery doll furniture complete with moss and twigs. She made Native American rattles out of light bulbs and paper mache. I miss her so much.

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I spent the middle of the night making perfect song mixes, then dancing to them till the sun came up.

going to the supermarket in the middle of the night and getting stuff to give myself a make over.

cook too much food when there are tons of left overs.

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Filled my huge walk in closet with balloons so that I could turn on music and have dance parties in there.

Spent our entire savings on yarn.

Dyed my hair three different colors in one night. 

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very long 

binged drink and drugs-bottle of vodka a day for months and 10 ecstacy pills once.. 

mugged a drug dealer; he come to my house and held a baseball bat to my face, I laughed-fearless..

lost my license after 4 months-speeding, reckless driving-70mph in a 20 zone, 9 points and a driving asbo..

drove 4 hours away to spend the night with a guy I'd not spoken to or seen for 3 years (last time I seen him was the first time we met and we had sex in a half built house that he was down from Birmingham working on when I was 14)

bleached my hair 4 times in a day to then dye it back dark a couple days later..

getting tattoos and Piercings on an impulse..

locked myself in my bedroom and excersized 24/7 for 3 months solid..

lost 3 jobs..

cleaning and rearranging day and night..

digging up my whole garden and building a wall every night for 2 weeks until gone 12am. 2 weeks after having a c section.. moved out of that house half way through doing the garden so left it..

sleeping with 20+ different men in the space of 6 months; 3 in one night at one point ?

fighting and picking arguments..

extreme paranoia..

hear people's thoughts about me..

sexual thoughts about everything..

vindictive- phoned the police, social services, rspca ect on my friendstatus if we've argued (which I pick most of them time)

heard pigs in bushes thinking they're gonna kill me..

felt people behind me putting bugs in my hair..

spent thousands on nothing in less than a day 4 times..

have cut my whole family out as I think they hate me..

had sex in random places- field fUllapool of people, portaloo, parents and sisters bed, friends house for months secretly which I got a thrill from, in school just meters away from the whole school waiting for their busses home..

few months worth of hobbies- gardening, drawing, excersizing, sewing,spiritual things, hairdressing, beauty and acrylic nails and so on..

took loads of laxatives for a few weeks while not eating to lose weight..

watch whole TV series' in one go and then not watch telly for months..

binned everything in my cupboards and drawers on multiple occasions..

everyone's best friend..

drove and drove on random roads/lanes for hours resulting in getting lost..

midnight baking..

think I'm psychic/getting messages from above..

slept with my sisters boyfriend..

had a one night stand while pregnant and still with babies dad..

I am not proud of any of my actions.. apart from the garden business I'm well proud of that even though it was a half job ?

 

 

Edited by shweaty

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Heh... 

Gardens.

It's a shame I destroy everything beautiful that I create.

582017_4255328779628_1499693055_n.jpg

Edited by Toas
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4 hours ago, Toas said:

Heh... 

Gardens.

It's a shame I destroy everything beautiful that I create.

582017_4255328779628_1499693055_n.jpg

Wow!  That is really nice!  Great job!  Why do you destroy it afterwards?

Just an idea, but instead of using energy destroying it when it is done, maybe use that energy to build another one?

Edited by melissaw72

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8 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

Wow!  That is really nice!  Great job!  Why do you destroy it afterwards?

Just an idea, but instead of using energy destroying it when it is done, maybe use that energy to build another one?

Thank's Melissaw, I am still very proud of that garden. That's only part of it too, there was another vegetable garden on the other side of the house, a flower garden, and cannabis garden. Started only with dirt and fences. Had plans and designs, including cost estimates and labor, for a gazebo with an attached herb garden and outdoor kitchen, chicken coop, yoga dojo, two acre organic farm, bamboo garden, orchard, terraces... 

I didn't physically destroy the whole garden. Only some, and I "needed" to.  I did destroy the relationship that made it possible.

I wrote this during that time. Busses and motels, state after state. I feel it is relevant.

"It has been many miles since the green hills of Sparta 

shadows of valleys lie in our wake

visions of cities as they fall upon us

haunted by the souls of the lives we will take"

582507_3914112889444_1856883818_n.jpg

Edited by Toas

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