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I have been asking about going back to old tdoc. I don't even know if it is a possibility and how.

I deleted my other post.

 

I had a male tdoc I saw in the past, many years ago. There was some transference (maybe a lot). But, I really felt like he knew how my mind worked. I don't know if that is just in my mind. I was my pretty symptomatic during the time I saw him.

I received messages in the media and environment from others mostly this tdoc. I am told these are delusions. I am not sure. He would flirt with me in the messages. We would laugh at "inside" jokes. In his office I barely made eye contact (I still know his carpet pattern) and he may have shook my hand once. 

I also have DDNOS (not DID). He claims he wasn't aware but I could sense my parts communicating through me to him. (I can't begin to explain). That is how I became aware of them. They had been present with me before, but I dismissed it like everyone else.

But, I felt like he really knows how my mind works. He talks about trauma and I have some body symptoms startle, hyper vigilance, flashbacks-I don't know what to do with.

He recommended my present tdoc who I have been seeing for a couple of years. I recently saw him as a backup while she was on vacation and i wasn't doing well. It was awkward at first, but the session went well.

He is out of my price range, but i am wondering if i could/should go back to seeing him again. It is so hard to explain. It isn't really the attraction. He has firm boundaries.

It is like I have been waiting for someone to know how to deal with me. I keep searching, and my present tdoc is good, but she doesn't get to the nuts and bolts of it.

So, I contacted old tdoc by e-mail to see if I could see him and what the cost would be (if he could lower rate). He told me I should speak with present tdoc first. 

i see my regular tdoc on Friday. I am going to talk to her. i don't know if he has already. I don't know what to say to her. If I gush like a schoolgirl she won't think it's a good idea. I don't want to insult her. They worked together before (at the same place).

 

 

Edited by confused
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hey there,

this came through on my email because i'm subscribed to the section and i wanted to reply.

i don't think it's a good idea to pursue changing back unless you are able to tell him what you've written here and he agrees. it seems to me like things are challenging you again and i worry that transference is what's happening. i think that's what it's called. i do understand getting messages, but i think when they're coming via mental health professional it's wise to stop and get that out into the open and see if you can continue with that person. 

how's today? better, i hope : ) xx

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Hi melli. Thanks for answering :)

I talked to current tdoc and she okayed so I made appt for Fri with him. She said my affect changed afterwards (positively). 

I don't know how to bring up the transference. Maybe, I could talk to female tdoc about it. I gave them permission to talk together about my case.

Today is okay

 

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