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This is amazing. I've been labled depemding where ive been (prison,jail,psych,rehab,clinics)  with borderline bipolar, depression, add, Ptsd and borderline personality. No one can tell me what I am. Prolly the reason for such a fucked life led by myself calling all the shots. I'm fucking broken and need help. I know most here are not Dr's, like 99 percent lol. But, I'd love some sort of feedback.

I'm 26 parents both hate me for constant raging outbursts. Just left, more like kicked out, of my son's mothers house. I burn down anything I touch. I feel no empathy twprds other and throw around that I don't feel ever. I don't have feels. This is untrue cus I can easily fall in love and stay this way for months to years. It takes that person to do me wrong, or what I view as wrong for me to unlove them. I resented my son for the first 6 mos of his life and hated myself for it. I'm always always there for him even with the split, altho I get tired of him fast.

My current gf has anxiety bad. Like cry yell dominate and take over everyone's attention. But I love her so so much meds or not. I have terrible issues with people looking at questions and not replying to me. I can also lose all happiness at the turn of a switch, for the smallest reason. Anything else anyone's wondering ask away. Looking for 100 percent feedback. Oh shit Dr has me on seroquel for moods currently searching Vyvanse or Adderall to pair. Previouslytaken effexor, lithium, thorzine, zoloft, xanax, valum, Prozac, welbutrin ect......

Edited by Jurk07
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Welcome to CB!

I can empathize with being labeled and the anger associated with it.  I am too.

The first thing I would do is find a psychiatrist (pdoc) you can work with ... it doesn't sound like your current pdoc is helping you very much.

The anger you describe sounds terrible, and I wouldn't want to feel that way either.

Have you told your current pdoc any of this?  If yes, it doesn't sound like he is listening, another reason to find another pdoc, one you can work with.

A therapist (tdoc) might be helpful also.  I found talk therapy to be the most helpful.  I just talked about anything to get it off my chest, and it felt so relieving every time I talked to her. 

 

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The problem in Milwaukee, or maybe elsewhere....is p docs are incredibly hard to get more than 15 min appt with. Most of the time you find yourself with a psychologist for talk and psych for meds. This combo I believe is a disaster. But also I can't see anyone depending on insurance. I'm broke broke broke from my constantly losing jobs from episodes. So I can't afford so one that will give me the time of day. I have one counselor  he's fucking amazing. The only dude since I was 12 I actually tell 100 percent the truth to. 

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7 minutes ago, Jurk07 said:

The problem in Milwaukee, or maybe elsewhere....is p docs are incredibly hard to get more than 15 min appt with. Most of the time you find yourself with a psychologist for talk and psych for meds. This combo I believe is a disaster. But also I can't see anyone depending on insurance. I'm broke broke broke from my constantly losing jobs from episodes. So I can't afford so one that will give me the time of day. I have one counselor  he's fucking amazing. The only dude since I was 12 I actually tell 100 percent the truth to. 

That is great you have a counselor who listens to and respects you!

I understand the insurance stuff.  That does make a big difference when finding a DR (of any kind).

Maybe just (for the heck of it) google DRs in your area ... you might be surprised to find a new pdoc who takes your insurance.  You never know :)

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7 hours ago, Jurk07 said:

True true, my problem is psychs always only give you 20 mins 

Unfortunately that is the way it works with pdocs a lot of the times.  It is hard to find a pdoc who also does therapy.  But they are out there. (I have one ... but he started out as a 10-15 minute med check appt.  Then little by little he changed to doing therapy also, with the appt lasting about 30 min on average.  I think he found that he wanted to know more of what was going on a patient's life in general to prescribe meds.  And 10-15 min wasn't enough.

I'd personally have that in the back of my mind (about pdocs not doing therapy ... I'd assume it unless known otherwise) when/if calling around or looking around for a pdoc.  Although, you might be surprised if you find a pdoc who you can work with who also does therapy.  You might not even know it until your first appt. 

If you do look for pdocs, one big factor I'd make a point of asking about, is that 'can they work with your counselor also instead of starting with someone new ... because if they don't want your counselor involved, you might have to get rid of that pdoc.  I'm only saying this because of your bond/rapport with your counselor now.  He sounds like a blessing and something to not let go of.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I can really relate to what you said about losing all happiness at the turn of a switch, I am incredibly vulnerable to that right now.  I used to deal with severe anger issues as well, but now I'm usually too depressed to get angry.

Children can be really difficult to deal with for anyone, so don't be too hard on yourself.  Being present in his life and knowing your limitations are both good things.

Anyway, welcome, and good luck with the pdoc search!

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19 minutes ago, Jurk07 said:

Thanks guys, still in search of a dr...

Hey Jurk,

Welcome to CB, It sounds frustrating what you are going thru ughh.. I know when I first saw my pdoc she did an initial first visit evaluation .. the appointment was at least 45 minutes long .. I think all pdocs should do this.. because they need to get to know the patient, 15 minutes isn't enough.. when you call around, ask if they do this. It is more money I know.. but it is definitely worth it! Good Luck!! 

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Jurk07 -

I noticed that you said you've not had much luck with psych doctors because they only spend about 20 minutes with you. Short appointments are generally the rule with psychiatrists, but one usually expects a longer appointment with a psychologist/psychotherapist (what we refer to here as a tdoc or simply a therapist). Such a professional might be able to help you work through the issues that trouble you and spend the time to figure out a correct diagnosis.

Also, bearing in mind that no one here on CB is qualified to diagnose you, you might consider looking into Dialectical Behavioral Therapy or DBT, which can be very useful for people experiencing the kind of feelings you describe. Depending on where you live, you may be able to find a specialist in DBT, or perhaps a support group in DBT in you area by doing a simple Google search.

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1 hour ago, Cerberus said:

Jurk07 -

I noticed that you said you've not had much luck with psych doctors because they only spend about 20 minutes with you. Short appointments are generally the rule with psychiatrists, but one usually expects a longer appointment with a psychologist/psychotherapist (what we refer to here as a tdoc or simply a therapist). Such a professional might be able to help you work through the issues that trouble you and spend the time to figure out a correct diagnosis.

Yikes, Is 15-20 minutes with a pdoc the norm now? I guess I was lucky in the past, where my doc would typically have 50 minute sessions to address all of my questions/concerns (of course you pay alot more). I can't see how people that are suffering can get situated on the right meds when you only have 20 minutes appointments!! :(

My new pdoc has been pushing for 30 minute appointments now too (I've only seen 4 times) I told her it takes 2 HOURS (roundtrip) to get to her, so she is a bit more accommodating at first, but she seems constantly booked up to the point I can only get in once per month. I'm afraid of falling through the cracks. I still haven't got on an effective med regimen and I'm totally torn about the whole thing too (which it sounds like the OP here is)

These days, doctors are charging exorbitant amounts basically just to dispense drugs with minimal consultation, no discussion of side effects or anything. I had one previous pdoc that refused any phone calls, even in case of a major crisis! He expected people to just check themselves into the nearest psych ward I suppose than bother him......Thank God for this forum where we can get a bit more detailed advice!!

Edited by cloudmonger
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I think pdoc appts have longer appts if they do therapy also, or if it is an initial appt. 

 

3 hours ago, Jurk07 said:

Thanks, it can ne a longer visit sometimes, but its usually with some clown that wont really care aboutnwahat uour saying, rather get things figured out so he cannstart some trial med. 

If you feel this way when you are with a pdoc, I'd bring it up.  If the pdoc is an asshole about it, they are not worth your time.

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