Short psychotic episodes within cycles?

[jacques]

This might be a weird question, but I believe I'm beginning to stabilize thanks to my meds. I'm on depakote and my moods have become more stable and less erratic and elevated since I actually began taking them regularly (around the new year? couple days before). Before that, I was doing awfully. I skipped almost two weeks because I was afraid of crashing into depression (my doctor said there was a risk of this happening), staying up for extended hours and living in a weird haze of binge watching and lack of functioning.

Anyway, the other day was the first time since before November 19 that I felt my mood wasn't elevated at all (this state was preceded by a depressive episode about a month long). This caught me by surprise. However, late at night (I was about to go to bed) something hit me and I felt flooded with energy again and didn't sleep. I began to go at drawing and coloring, I marathoned about 2.5 seasons of a show on netflix from about 3 AM to 11:30 AM, and I even went on a forty minute walk after cleaning my room. This day was also peppered by risky behaviors. These included impulsive self harming again because I wanted to see/play with the blood and also cause I felt kinda numb; babbling to a figure of mine (I'm a certified nerd) that I was sorry after knocking it over, asking it to forgive me, and even kissing its head before putting it back; I thought there was a demon watching me pee from the bathroom wall; I walked on the train tracks during my walk, knowing they were actively in use and even running for the one that passed when I was too far away from the tracks when I was walking down toward them; went to buy snacks and I bought caffeine pills, candy, and soda (I only had like $15 on me). I also did some oxy later that night.

I also actually slept last night (after dancing until my legs felt too sore to move), so there's that. 

So it sounds like the mania is back, right, and the other day was a fluke or something? But today, I'm back to what I feel like is a relatively baseline mood. I'm still irritable but I'm a lot less reckless and I feel in control of myself more so. My question is, is it normal when your episode is ending to have a day where it like, spikes up again all the sudden but briefly? Or would this be my medication working against the mania? My sleep cycle has been mostly normal for me this week aside from the fact that I slept every other night this week thus far (did Sunday, didn't Monday night, did Tuesday, didn't Wednesday, did Thursday, Friday is still TBD). And is it normal for some psychotic features to mostly materialize in such a short space of time? (though they've made themselves known sparsely through this episode)

Also, small question relating to mania. I've noticed that when I'm manic, I have a worse grasp of what time it is. For example, if I feel normal and someone asks me what time it is and it's a normal day, I can usually guess within the hour if I've looked at the clock within the past two hours. But if I'm manic, I could have checked the time ten minutes ago and I'll be thinking two hours have passed. I thought it was 7 PM when it was 4 PM yesterday. Does anyone else get this?

Edited January 14, 2017 by jacques

[cloudmonger]

6 hours ago, jacques said:

This might be a weird question, but I believe I'm beginning to stabilize thanks to my meds. I'm on depakote and my moods have become more stable and less erratic and elevated since I actually began taking them regularly (around the new year? couple days before). Before that, I was doing awfully. I skipped almost two weeks because I was afraid of crashing into depression (my doctor said there was a risk of this happening), staying up for extended hours and living in a weird haze of binge watching and lack of functioning.

Anyway, the other day was the first time since before November 19 that I felt my mood wasn't elevated at all (this state was preceded by a depressive episode about a month long). This caught me by surprise. However, late at night (I was about to go to bed) something hit me and I felt flooded with energy again and didn't sleep. I began to go at drawing and coloring, I marathoned about 2.5 seasons of a show on netflix from about 3 AM to 11:30 AM, and I even went on a forty minute walk after cleaning my room. This day was also peppered by risky behaviors. These included impulsive self harming again because I wanted to see/play with the blood and also cause I felt kinda numb; babbling to a figure of mine (I'm a certified nerd) that I was sorry after knocking it over, asking it to forgive me, and even kissing its head before putting it back; I thought there was a demon watching me pee from the bathroom wall; I walked on the train tracks during my walk, knowing they were actively in use and even running for the one that passed when I was too far away from the tracks when I was walking down toward them; went to buy snacks and I bought caffeine pills, candy, and soda (I only had like $15 on me). I also did some oxy later that night.

I also actually slept last night (after dancing until my legs felt too sore to move), so there's that. 

So it sounds like the mania is back, right, and the other day was a fluke or something? But today, I'm back to what I feel like is a relatively baseline mood. I'm still irritable but I'm a lot less reckless and I feel in control of myself more so. My question is, is it normal when your episode is ending to have a day where it like, spikes up again all the sudden but briefly? Or would this be my medication working against the mania? My sleep cycle has been mostly normal for me this week aside from the fact that I slept every other night this week thus far (did Sunday, didn't Monday night, did Tuesday, didn't Wednesday, did Thursday, Friday is still TBD). And is it normal for some psychotic features to mostly materialize in such a short space of time? (though they've made themselves known sparsely through this episode)

Also, small question relating to mania. I've noticed that when I'm manic, I have a worse grasp of what time it is. For example, if I feel normal and someone asks me what time it is and it's a normal day, I can usually guess within the hour if I've looked at the clock within the past two hours. But if I'm manic, I could have checked the time ten minutes ago and I'll be thinking two hours have passed. I thought it was 7 PM when it was 4 PM yesterday. Does anyone else get this?

Have you ever read anything about ultra-rapid cycling? This is where your distinct mood states do not last for days at a time. In rapid cycling, your mood can go Depressed (for a day) then Manic (for a day) then to Mixed state. Then you have ultradian rapid cycling (where your mood cycles like every hour) I'm no expert on Bipolar, but rapid cycling could be what is happening to you. Seems like you had a longer-depressed cycle and then you definitely went manic for a day, then back to a sort of baseline?

Maybe you should increase your med or your pdoc may want to add something else to further stabilize the cycling? It makes sense when you are "sped up" that time seems to be moving more quickly...

[jacques]

1 hour ago, cloudmonger said:

Have you ever read anything about ultra-rapid cycling? This is where your distinct mood states do not last for days at a time. In rapid cycling, your mood can go Depressed (for a day) then Manic (for a day) then to Mixed state. Then you have ultradian rapid cycling (where your mood cycles like every hour) I'm no expert on Bipolar, but rapid cycling could be what is happening to you. Seems like you had a longer-depressed cycle and then you definitely went manic for a day, then back to a sort of baseline?

Maybe you should increase your med or your pdoc may want to add something else to further stabilize the cycling? It makes sense when you are "sped up" that time seems to be moving more quickly...

I meant I was depressed for a month before I went into a two month manic episode, which I'm coming down from. It was phrased really weirdly, I'm sorry. 

And my moods don't usually cycle like that is the weird thing? I've had states that are shorter than the four days or seven days or two weeks though, for sure. It was just a bizarre experience for me, and I wasn't sure if it counted as its own cycle or what. But thank you! I have to wait a couple weeks because I see the doctor at my college for this but I'll definitely talk to her about it and see what we can do.

EDIT:

I've been using moodtracker.com and this is what I've looked like since October

 

Edited January 14, 2017 by jacques

[aura]

I have random spikes of manic energy that last a very short period of time and include psychotic symptoms. My doctors tell me it's my meds working, since the mood doesn't last. I kind of like that explanation so I've been going with it.

[Flash]

2 hours ago, aura said:

I have random spikes of manic energy that last a very short period of time and include psychotic symptoms. My doctors tell me it's my meds working, since the mood doesn't last. I kind of like that explanation so I've been going with it.

This had happened to me too, but I generally get the mania or psychosis, not both. But it will pop up right during the middle of a depressive episode, or even during no episode, and then be vanquished, no doubt due to meds.

[aura]

43 minutes ago, Flash said:

This had happened to me too, but I generally get the mania or psychosis, not both. But it will pop up right during the middle of a depressive episode, or even during no episode, and then be vanquished, no doubt due to meds.

For me the psychosis is paired with manic or depressed symptoms about half of the time, with the other half of the time being by itself. I'm terrified to think what my life would be like with no meds.

[Flash]

1 hour ago, aura said:

For me the psychosis is paired with manic or depressed symptoms about half of the time, with the other half of the time being by itself. I'm terrified to think what my life would be like with no meds.

I mostly get hallucinations with depression and delusions with mania. I only rarely get psychosis outside of a mood episode, but when you're in a mood episode almost all the time, I fail to see the distinction as being meaningful.