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doctor won't diagnose me yet I'm on certain meds :/

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life story-I'm 24 and I've been up and down from the age of 12.. I turned very aggressive, full of myself, started sleeping with a few guys at 13.

when I was 15 I had a son(planned by me), moved out of home at 16, things spiralled then.

I had parties every weekend, drinking ALOT and taking a lot of drugs aswell, ended up giving my son to my mum.. in this time I must of slept with 20+ men. this was in the space of 6 months.. in that time I kept changing my mind about getting my son back but my life was not the right place for him to be.. I spent every single penny as soon as it went in my bank on rubbish and drink and alcohol..

anyway I got kicked out and moved back to mums where I locked myself in her attack  (my bedroom) for 3 months..

then I suppose I was "normal" got a job, got a bond back with my son, wasn't snappy and irritable, not bothered about sex at all, was just sorting my life out I thought things were good and my future was looking good .. this lasted for about a year..

then I started to hear pigs in the bushes on my 2 mile walk home from work.. could feel people putting bugs in my hair on busses, could hear people's thoughts about me so i got my license.. i became really unreliable in work (whereas for the whole year i used to walk 2 miles to get a bus and wait in work for an hour before starting),

I got back in a relationship with my sons dad, the next day slept with a stranger, 2 days later drove 4 hours away to spend the night with a guy I hadn't seen or spoken to in 3 years, on the way back from there i thought "let's go get my tongue pierced" so i did. then me and my sons dad moved in together.. i planned to get pregnant with him without him knowing.. had a miscarriage..

met another stranger and finished with my sons dad for this guy.. within a week I had lost my home and my license and my job.. my uncle let me live in a caravan on his farm.. I stayed there for a few messy months and then put myself in homeless accommodation, all the while being (again) full of myself, aggressive, arguing and fighting, even hit my sister because I thought she was taking someone else's side  (which she completely denied) so my mum thought that was me hallucinating! took drugs and drank alot of alcohol again. got tattoos and Piercings being impulsive.. argued alot. planned to get pregnant again. I had a few miscarriages due to my lifestyle..

then moved back to the house I moved into when I was 16 with this new partner.. domestic abuse on his side.. allowed him to woe my best friend while I was depressed at home which led to him sleeping with her, he ended up going to jail for nearly killing someone..

I met a guy on the run then he went to jail and started writing to him, got in a relationship with him. started sleeping with an underage boy.. he moved away.. I got made homeless again for the same reasons as last time (have to add that both times I left the house in an absolute state) moved to my grandads, was depressed and overdosed.. he tried touching me up so I moved into a mates with my best mate, started sleeping with my best mate, finished with the guy in jail (who I visited every week 2 hours away and sent him extremely sexual letters and no pictures knowing the guards would be looking at them too)

got in a relationship with my best mate, got made homeless again, got raped, got pregnant then with my boyfriend, the whole pregnancy I was crazy angry (never been like that in my life) he was stillborn, was depressed due to that,

then got pregnant again and I led a normal life the whole pregnancy and afterwards, got pregnant again when she was 6 months old, still leading a normal life even though I was spending like crazy.. got £3000 compo and spent it all that day..

gave birth and went on a downward spiral, hating my life, my kids, my boyfriend.. cutting myself, overdosed when my youngest was a few months old, although i got a loan for £3000 and spent it all again the same day.. got referred to psychiatrists who put me on antidepressants  ( tried alot of antidepressants over the years and they worked for about a month then stopped so I tried upping them but they kept putting me on an extreme high for the month then depressed before upping them again)

well this time was the same so they put me on lamotrigine aswell but the same happened and then I tried to end my life again so I stopped the medication (cold turkey) which then put me on a high.. the psychiatrist then put me on quetiapine 100mg because i was extremely angry with my partner,kids and friends but was high as in ocd, very active, talkative, racing thoughts, same song over and over again which caused me to "gurn" during the day. but told me to take them as and when i needed to but I didn't want to be a zombie in the day so I just took 25mg at night which gave me a good night's sleep but I still woke up extremely angry so I went docs and now I'm back on lamotrigine and taking quetiapine every night..

now I feel normal, happy, life is good but then again I've only been like this for a couple of days.. psychiatrist won't diagnose me but has put me on these meds.. would they work this well if I was "normal" not bipolar? sorry for the essay but I had to give the whole picture hah ?

Edited by shweaty
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Hi shweaty, and welcome to CrazyBoards.  Your post is very difficult to read - please would you insert some paragraph breaks, so that we can see it properly.  Many of us battle to negotiate big walls of text.

Mia (moderator)

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This is a double post and has been addressed in a few different places ... I have posted a response twice so far, then this is the 3rd time.

Here is one of the links:

Another time:      In the "anyone with bipolar want to share" thread.  So far I have see this post at least 3 times and have answered each one the exact same. 

FWIW ... I have seen the title of this post with other information under it also.



Here is my response to those 2 other times I posted for this thread/topic (all are the same):

I'm sorry for your loss.  That would have sent me into a spiral also.

(in bold)  Idk if the meds you were/are on would work as well as if you were "normal" bipolar or not.  It is nice to have a diagnosis, but the treatment is important also.  I think it is important to work on the symptoms to be treated, no matter what your diagnosis is. 

So I take it that you have a current psychiatrist (pdoc)?   If it were me, I would be very honest about everything with pdoc, including how you are taking meds (or not) right now.  I would also get medications settled with pdoc (and taken as prescribed ... no cold turkey, no adjusting meds without pdoc's ok).  I think that would be a good start because other things in life that are a problem might fall into place.


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