Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

I feel really stupid to post this rant, but is it just me or does Facebook manage to make you increasingly depressed? Not only recently (crappy political stuff) but the real crazymaking for me is the lives of others, friends, acquaintances from over the years. I’m extremely sensitive and horribly envious of everything (Their families, newborns/kids, careers, house, exotic travel etc) Women have a baby and they get 500 Likes (many women credit breeding as the most outstanding achievement in life, with no thought for those couples who cannot)…they post a super-filtered Selfie and get 500 Likes….etc etc.

FB breeds this contempt towards myself. People tell me to just quit or block ppl however, I’ve moved very far away and have literally no real contact (or attempts at contact) from people I know. ATM, I have no real friends. I’m afraid the tiny smidgen of connection (even if it is just Likes and Happy Birthday messages) will be obliterated and I’ll disappear into black vortex of nothingness …where I become even more invisible and alienated from modern life and humans.

My life has shattered by deep depression & anxiety. I have absolutely no support. I'm approaching yet another Birthday and feel like I'm not hitting any of the desired milestones that other people are. I really try to be happy for old friends - but i just end up blaming myself for my misery, and the lack of a meaningful/happy life that i cannot seem to create no matter what I do.

Even worse, the friends that constantly post trite Eckart Tolle quotes, blather or similar Wayne Dyer “Law of Attraction” type philosophies that everyone glorifies. (Dr. Dyer fancies himself a prophet, minister, or shaman. IMO, He offers nothing but sophomoric platitude, a $$ making scheme.) People do not realize how much victim-blaming & damaging these words do to people with trauma, disease, poverty, anyone with MI. He claims that everything you experience - “You are attracting to yourself” “Change your thoughts and simply change your life!!”

I never intended to be mentally ill & fight thoughts of suicide frequently. I feel hurt. The statement that “Your attitude attracts everything that happens to you” That somehow, “being more grateful - you will manifest all the best things in life.” I struggle & TRY to buy into this crap, then feel like a failure because i cannot manifest anything that I dream about.

What else can I do? This may sound juvenile, but I am really struggling/suffering from this problem and cannot get myself to Delete FB or block a bunch of people….is this some kind of obsession???

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have disabled my FB account several times in a fit of irrational anger, and yes, I can relate to being jealous of my FB friends whose lives seem perfect.  I think the latter is extremely common, really--but it can lead to worsening symptoms in people with depression for sure.  And yes, I hate it too when people post dumb platitudes about how everyone's lives would be amazing if they were more positive or whatever.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think deleting a network of people (however annoying/achieving/motivational) might be a bit much if it's being fuelled by depressive thoughts. Not saying you are wrong for having these feelings, but I've suffered from decision-making-regret many a time over something I did from a relatively temporary feeling. You can unfollow (?) people I think? So they are still in your friends list (and you can message them and everything) but you can't see their public posts. Maybe that'd be a good intermediary? 

I just checked and yeah, I think you can hide peoples posts. FB doesn't alert the person that you've done this to, so it's a possibility? 

I despise those profit prophets who make money from people who are just trying to better themselves. Like health-nut conspiracy theorists who think 'big pharma' is hiding evidence that gluten causes cancer or vaccines cause autism (they don't) because vegetables are less profitable than drugs. Then they write books about their shitty diet plan claiming baking soda shrinks tumours (it doesn't). It's amazing how Big Pharma is all about the money but they are very happy to accept cheques from book sales.

Sorry got off topic. Point is- that kind of 'visualise it and it'll happen!' is crap, because I walked into a shrinks office hoping for depression treatment and walked out with two personality disorders :P

I get bitter and jealous over friends. I even get jealous for past me, when I was just worrying about whether or not I could find a good anti-depressant. None of us asked to be mentally ill, to have to constantly sacrifice major and minor parts of our lives to placate the mental demons. It's shitty. 

(P.S. isn't it funny that the people who are most attached to that kind of 'put those thoughts into the universe' attitude always seem to have stable lives and good careers? Like maybe this wasn't the universe but a number of inter-related factors that have nothing to do with space)

Screen Shot 2017-01-25 at 00.49.43.png

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
On 1/24/2017 at 0:48 PM, cloudmonger said:

I feel really stupid to post this rant, but is it just me or does Facebook manage to make you increasingly depressed? 

I still have an FB account but I rarely log in........The only times I post are on my own page....

I hardly even look on my news feed, because it's depressing to see things about other people's lives, where they aren't dealing with my kind of suffering...I completely understand where you're coming from on that.

Occasionally, I will look at my children's or family member's pages, though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'd say delete anyone you haven't spoken to on over a year. I need to heed my own advice, but I use Facebook to connect with colleagues, etc., and never really post personal things. I'm friends with my entire family on there, then I have good friends, acquaintances, etc. 

If you have someone you want to stay connected to, by all means do, but cleaning out your friends list can be really gratifying. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 hours ago, heilmania said:

I'd say delete anyone you haven't spoken to on over a year. I need to heed my own advice, but I use Facebook to connect with colleagues, etc., and never really post personal things. I'm friends with my entire family on there, then I have good friends, acquaintances, etc. 

If you have someone you want to stay connected to, by all means do, but cleaning out your friends list can be really gratifying. 

If I deleted everyone I haven't talked to in a year I would have to DELETE MY ENTIRE FRIEND LIST! I literally have no close friends, no coworkers (unemployed) & close to no aquaintances these days. Like I mentioned above, I moved far away (out of the US) 4 years ago...I do not speak the language fluently in my new country and have not been able to make any friends. Totally isolating. Because I have a severe mood disorder, this forum is my only solstice.

None of my previous friends ever email me or contact me (apart from Happy Birthday posts or quick IM on Facebook) I try to email old friends every few months and rarely get much of a response. So completely deleting everyone & my FB page is not an option for me. Many people do not have my email address or anything. I have temporary gone off of it (and deleted the app from my phone) but I don't know what else to do. It is the way people connect these days. I know i need to make new friends, but due to many factors (including my age + the fact everyone is immersed in family obligations at my age) I have been unable to make any solid connections or even meet anyone I have common interests with. I feel completely alone in my depression/anxiety and now I'm even more isolated.

 

Edited by cloudmonger
Link to comment
Share on other sites

23 hours ago, nervousbat said:

Holy crap Cloudmonger, you've basically described my exact thoughts right here! Couldn't agree more.

The law of attraction and Eckhart tolle did a lot of harm on my psyche growing up. I was having a hard time dealing with bullies in high school and after seeing Oprah rave about Eckhart Tolle I went and bought his new earth and power of now books. I think I was 16 or 17. I really regret doing it because I started having that exact problem you describe where I tried forcing myself to believe it, then got into this thing where I'd try to repress any negative thoughts I had, essentially torturing myself quietly. And when I couldn't suppress them, or when I was still getting bullied, or when I couldn't avoid making a mistake, I'd blame and hate myself and not understand why it wasn't working. I finally realized these were not good for me and I gave all of them away. I don't go anywhere near the new age genre now. I agree that there is a lot of victim blaming. People don't choose to be effing bullied or abused, nor do they choose mi! It's really frustrating. 

I left Facebook and all my other social media accounts like on Tumblr because of how everyone's achievements on there make me feel like crap. I also don't have much of a social life, I only see two friends and my sister right now, and I understand that fear of or feeling like you're disappearing into nothingness. But it's just a place where people put on their masks and play "perfect life", it's not really them. 

I'm glad some people here can relate. My life circumstances are very challenging right now (to say the least) and with MI, even getting out of bed is a struggle. I can't stand seeing everyone achieving everything that I want in life....It's more than just the superficial worries (that others are more attractive/fashionable/thin/ or whatever) It's the fact that they have a big supportive family, a good career, fun & supportive friends, a house, pets, hobbies they enjoy, passions, everything that constitutes a MEANINGFUL, PURPOSEFUL, ENGAGING LIFE. No matter what I do, I cannot seem to create this in my life. I cannot stand the loneliness anymore.

I to became obsessed in my 20's with trying to "Heal myself" and read every new-age Self-help book there is. I made gratitude lists, volunteered many months, went on Detox diets, Naturopaths, etc and i still have severe Depression. I fight suicidal thoughts all of the time. I get stuck no matter what I do. It's like that myth of Sisyphus climbing up the rock. I've gone the medical route and tried 20 different meds, had decades of therapy, and have achieved some things, but I have not been able to get unstuck or "heal myself" i cannot stand to see the victim blaming of people that have never struggled with MI. It hurts like Hell and it's a constant battle that we must do completely on our own. Isolated. The outside world makes me feel forever damaged...like, WHY can't I just think positive, Love myself and turn my thoughts & life around??? FB does a superb job in convincing me I'm a failure, not good enough and will never be the person I want to be in life.

Edited by cloudmonger
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, nervousbat said:

You said it. Yeah, one of the things I hated most about the self help stuff was never being allowed to be unhappy. It's there for a reason! Why would we have negativity if it served no purpose, right? 

My counsellor is really nice but she's not at all helpful in making me feel like I'm not a failure when dealing with both my mi "there you go saying all those hateful things about yourself", or when I tell her about how another random stranger or former classmate shouted something horrible at me on the street like called me a b**** or c*** or effing disgusting or hoped I'd die.....her effing response is "I think people's attitude towards you will change when you change your energy." The hell is that??? I try very hard to appear "normal" or not be conspicuous aside from headphones, I try not to frown or look unhappy even if I'm bracing myself inside for more abuse, but she says I'm still doing something wrong and I don't know what to do anymore. On really bad days I think the only solution is for me to not exist, then I won't inconvenience anyone with my apparently very unsettling presence anymore. I'm so tired of people telling me how weird I am or ugly, what "a nightmare" I am...

Cloudmonger, I'm glad that we could rant about these things. I'm sorry if I wasn't helpful. 

On the contrary, I really appreciate what you are expressing. You are being VERY helpful because you can relate & describe similar experiences. This makes you genuinely empathetic & supportive towards someone in the same situation. This simple act of validation helps more than anything - it doesn't necessarily "solve" the problem or eradicate the terrible feelings I have towards myself. But it does help me cope! It helps me feel less alone in the world.

It is very unhealthy to constantly absorb, deflect & hold onto the anxiety/sadness/fear/hopelessness/anger that we feel every day. That energy must go somewhere..... It must be expressed....Otherwise it festers, it grows and causes even more negative feelings and intense suffering.

Yeah, I have also had past therapists say the same unhelpful/invalidating things...esp about "You are generalizing, exaggerating, or predicting things with your thoughts and therefore creating a self-fulfilling prophesy for yourself" Blahblahblah. Yep it's all my fault, I bring it on myself - and I should never feel/think/accept these things.... More of the same "Change your thoughts/attitude and everything else will fall into place" crap. If only it were that easy!!!!!

Edited by cloudmonger
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, cloudmonger said:

I know i need to make new friends, but due to many factors (including my age + the fact everyone is immersed in family obligations at my age) I have been unable to make any solid connections or even meet anyone I have common interests with. I feel completely alone in my depression/anxiety and now I'm even more isolated.

Is there a support group you could go to? Any English-speaking groups? I'm just trying to think of ways for you to connect with people in person- I think part of the problem is that people post their best selves on FB (with some exceptions). They pick their best selfie, don't post about sad things, and always have great photos of their food or their dog or whatever. It can throw off anyone's interpretation of reality. People out in the real world aren't perfect like social media seems to claim they are.

I hope I didn't come off as uncaring in my last post, I just wasn't totally sure of your situation. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

55 minutes ago, heilmania said:

Is there a support group you could go to? Any English-speaking groups? I'm just trying to think of ways for you to connect with people in person- I think part of the problem is that people post their best selves on FB (with some exceptions). They pick their best selfie, don't post about sad things, and always have great photos of their food or their dog or whatever. It can throw off anyone's interpretation of reality. People out in the real world aren't perfect like social media seems to claim they are.

I hope I didn't come off as uncaring in my last post, I just wasn't totally sure of your situation. 

No there are no Support groups here...There are groups on Meetup.com that are English-speaking, but I've only gone to 2 so far and quite discouraged because they are usually at bars and I didn't click with anyone, was so bored. I know I must keep going to meetups in order to meet new people but it's just really really tough...especially when dealing with daily depression & some social anxiety (around big groups) to boot!! It is like a job trying to network, meet new people and it is truly exhausting. My spouse also is gone working all day & I only see him at night, so I always prefer to stay at home with him than push myself out into the real world and try to smile and interact with strangers :-(

You don't sound uncaring...I agree, that deleting past long-gone contacts on FB is usually a good tactic, but in my case, I need to force myself to get involved in the real world around me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 2/5/2017 at 1:21 PM, nervousbat said:

I left Facebook and all my other social media accounts like on Tumblr because of how everyone's achievements on there make me feel like crap. I also don't have much of a social life, I only see two friends and my sister right now, and I understand that fear of or feeling like you're disappearing into nothingness. But it's just a place where people put on their masks and play "perfect life", it's not really them. 

So it's been almost 2 weeks now without FB (I didn't disable the account, but stopped going on it & deleted from my phone)

I had a sort of "nightmare" last night, right as I was waking up this morning. It was about one of these "friends" that I'm horribly envious of. She just announced her pregnancy with her 2nd baby, has a really nice house (with a backyard garden full of plants & trees), 2 sweet dogs in the yard, in the one (totally unaffordable) city that I dream to settle down in forever. In my dream, she was smiling & laughing and surrounded by 2 dozen friends, her family, wearing an amazing dress (she looked stunning), hugging her adorable 2 year old and husband. There was music playing in the background, people were dancing, an amazing spread of food like she was throwing some sort of big celebration party...Everyone was happy and smiling, doting on her, telling her how happy they were for her, signing cards saying the nicest thoughtful things like "I am so grateful to have you in my life" "I love you" "Remember such & such memory....Amazing, crazy fun times" "Wishing you love & happiness on your exciting journey" "Thanks for being such a true blue friend" etc etc.

I woke up severely depressed and can't get these thoughts/visions of people's Facebook profiles out of my mind. I KNOW this stuff is not really "Real Life" My twisted mind tells me that it is and I will never have any of this for myself. It's a haunting obsession. How do i make this go away???

Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 minutes ago, nervousbat said:

Awe man, that's terrible! Cloudmonger, if I were you I would go somewhere for a change of scenery. One time I woke up at the usual time that I can't sleep and tossed and turned, and then instead of going to sleep I just got up and went for a walk in the early winter morning. It was very cold but refreshing. You should do something random like maybe do that, or buy a ticket and visit somewhere by train, shake up your daily routine for a moment. It may not make you happier but it might help a little bit, disrupt the depression momentarily. 

I have shit dreams like that too, mine are usually about being tormented by teenagers and I wake up furious/miserable. 

Thanks for the suggestion. I am taking a language class for several hours everyday (I moved to a foreign country where I don't speak the language) In fact, I was previously living in another foreign country where I didn't speak the language. I am beginning to have social anxiety going out, because people do not speak english here and they are very rude/busy/snobby. I hate meetups with big groups of random people, I really do.

Catch-22 is, Loneliness is my biggest trigger. I will only solve this problem by going to Meetups and meeting new people. Yet, my depression/anxiety is so severe at the moment, all I can do is post here where I get support - where people are going through the same issues. I wish there was an english-speaking Support group here, but there aren't!!

I must force myself to get out more. I do go to the gym but it doesn't really help enough. I am just so sick of feeling this way and struggling to simply "tolerate" my situation. I wish I could instantly manifest a couple of really nice, empathetic, reliable close friends..."Besties" so to speak. I feel like this would change everything. But everyone is married and busy with kids and a job. It's so tough to make friends or even meet people that are looking to expand their social circle at age 37+

Edited by cloudmonger
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, nervousbat said:

I think it's really brave of you to be traveling in another country! Yeah, my sa eventually caught up with me too when I was going to college. The town was pretty ritzy and there were a lot of snobby people that would make rude unnecessary comments on my appearance. After coming back from college I'm already beginning to understand that frustration of maintaining a social life. A couple of friends of mine are already moving on and getting married. I've lost touch with almost all of them but two and one of them is getting married now. I want to be happy for them but am a little afraid that they won't want to hang out with me in the years to come because their lives are too busy or something. I'm asexual so getting married and having kids is not on the agenda, and I would also like to have friends in a similar situation. We're in the same boat right now where this is my only means of human interaction.

Yep, I'm actually not just "traveling through" Its not like a temporary/limited term by any means. I have officially immigrated here for residency. It's a totally different ballgame and I'm learning how naive it was to think it would always be fun, happy, exotic and amazing like traveling on holiday or a college GAP year. It's different when you pack up & relocate permanently.... You must integrate into the culture, learn the language fluently, you don't have the safety or  camraderie of travelers like yourself...you are cut off from everyone, your old familiar life, hobbies, habits, must forge your own way and do it alone. Sure, it's exciting to initially explore the new sights/sounds/landmarks, etc. Yet at the end of the day, it's not HOME. It will probably never be or feel like "Home" to me here. Starting over with nothing. I understand what it means to be a foreigner now - an alien in a strange land.

Some people long for this, but for me since I'm getting older, it's extremely isolating & more of a challenge than I can deal with right now. Every little thing is a HUGE struggle & ordeal...Like going to the grocery store (finding little options, no ingredients or the foods you love), making an appointment (people just hang up on me bc they are impatient or cant understand me), getting my haircut (disaster), even finding a decent doctor or therapist (that speaks english!!) Trying to watch television or the news (there no english shows on broadcast tv here, all American shows & movies are completely dubbed in another language!) Getting lost or on the wrong bus & people start yelling at you - the bus driver can't help you. I come home sobbing in tears many days because the culture is so rude and unfriendly...no one smiles or talks to eachother like in other countries. Then I think about returning home, but can't because there isn't anywhere to go really, plus I'd feel even more of a failure....All these things you do not even think about when in your own country or if moving across the same continent.

Question for you, though: So if you are asexual, does that mean that you currently live alone and no plan for longterm companionship? (Since Marriage isn't all about sex.) Are there community groups of asexuals (like LGBT groups/communities?) I don't know how common it is these days, but I can imagine it is very difficult to connect with others because of the hidden stigma, that isn't really the "norm" That must be tough to deal with! Are you openly asexual? Do your friends all know about it?

Edited by cloudmonger
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...