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Constant urge to run away from my life and start over


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I have a constant urge to start over... to just run away from my life. It happens in the immediate sense, for instance, I could be sitting at a traffic light and have an intense urge to drive out of state or away for a week (yes, I have acted on these urges). Or I can have an urge to sell my house in the city and buy a farm in another state (yes, I have acted on these urges).

I always want to move, I always want to start over. At the same time, I crave stability and planting roots. 

If I didn't have kids I would probably just wander all the time. It's like I'm always seeking something... I always want to see something new.

At the same time, when I picture my ideal life/ future, I'm on a farm/ homestead with my husband or life partner (whoever he may be), am I am firmly planted, happy, grounded, rooted, etc.

Anybody else have these sort of feelings?

-Captive

Edited by CaptiveGypsy
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I experience this kind of stuff as well... Part of it, for me, is that there are some things in my past that are inescapable... but I still want/need to escape them. I also hate when I'm somewhere for awhile and people start to remember/recognize me (at restaurants, stores, etc) It makes me super uncomfortable. I honestly wish I was invisible most of the time. I have moved around quite a bit.. lived in a few different states. I just can't seem to feel content or comfortable anywhere. I wish for stability as well.. friends sometimes too, but I think I like the idea of some of these things more than the actuality of them. I'm not really sure. 

Edited by her-escape
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Hi Captive,

I experience this quite often and have also acted on it. For me it often comes with periods of suicidal ideation or thoughts of death but doesn't have to. Sometimes disappearing from my life, going missing, getting out of a friend's car and running away, etc. seem like a way of dealing with the suicidal urges but not acting on them, i.e. leaving your life without having to actually killing oneself. I have made several ill-advised and sudden moves to several countries and have checked into hotels even when I have had an apartment in the city I've lived in. I don't have children, so that makes it easier to act on these impulses. I've actually become preoccupied with missing people at times, and have spent hours dedicated to those who are missing. I am currently symptomatic and living in a foreign country and was actually thinking earlier this week of leaving my passport by a bridge and taking a bus to a remote village somewhere where it would be difficult to find me. I have struggled with this feeling -- to run, to disappear, etc. -- since I was in high school. It's not a cry for help for me, as I do not think anyone would care if I disappeared and due to my propensity to isolate, probably not even notice if they did. It comes from an almost physical, very impulsive need to flee. So you're definitely not alone in that. It's a major feature of my life experience that even when I'm not acting on it, I think about quite regularly.

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On 1/25/2017 at 6:07 AM, CaptiveGypsy said:

I have a constant urge to start over... to just run away from my life. It happens in the immediate sense, for instance, I could be sitting at a traffic light and have an intense urge to drive out of state or away for a week (yes, I have acted on these urges). Or I can have an urge to sell my house in the city and buy a farm in another state (yes, I have acted on these urges).

I always want to move, I always want to start over. At the same time, I crave stability and planting roots. 

If I didn't have kids I would probably just wander all the time. It's like I'm always seeking something... I always want to see something new.

At the same time, when I picture my ideal life/ future, I'm on a farm/ homestead with my husband or life partner (whoever he may be), am I am firmly planted, happy, grounded, rooted, etc.

Anybody else have these sort of feelings?

-Captive

Mania does this to me all the time. I'll move thousands of miles away, sometimes without telling anyone, and start a completely new life doing something completely insane. And then it blows up in my face. And then I need to restart all over again. I've moved 29 times, plus one other time where I never actually moved in. 

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8 hours ago, Flash said:

Mania does this to me all the time. I'll move thousands of miles away, sometimes without telling anyone, and start a completely new life doing something completely insane. And then it blows up in my face. And then I need to restart all over again. I've moved 29 times, plus one other time where I never actually moved in. 

Flash - How were you able to (financially & logistically) move 29 times? Wow. That's astonishing. I don't know what kind of work you do, but I'm assuming you usually move impulsively by yourself, without landing any kind of job beforehand, or you have a ton of savings in the bank? How does one do this? (Don't mean this as a reproach, just really curious how you're able to do that).

For me, moving is always a nightmare. It takes a lot of money, time, effort to give landlord notice (so they don't charge you more $), clean out an apartment, box everything up, haul garbage away, move clothes/personal items/furniture, stop phone/cable/internet/electric services, change address for mail....then actually go find a new available apartment (that i can afford) and apply, etc etc. and set up all the stuff over again for the new place. Not easy!

Have you guys ever seen the movie "Gone Girl" this thread reminds me of that movie, such a good film!

Edited by cloudmonger
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8 hours ago, cloudmonger said:

Flash - How were you able to (financially & logistically) move 29 times? Wow. That's astonishing. I don't know what kind of work you do, but I'm assuming you usually move impulsively by yourself, without landing any kind of job beforehand, or you have a ton of savings in the bank? How does one do this? (Don't mean this as a reproach, just really curious how you're able to do that).

For me, moving is always a nightmare. It takes a lot of money, time, effort to give landlord notice (so they don't charge you more $), clean out an apartment, box everything up, haul garbage away, move clothes/personal items/furniture, stop phone/cable/internet/electric services, change address for mail....then actually go find a new available apartment (that i can afford) and apply, etc etc. and set up all the stuff over again for the new place. Not easy!

Have you guys ever seen the movie "Gone Girl" this thread reminds me of that movie, such a good film!

I've definitely done a number on my finances, over, and over again, believe me. But I didn't have many possessions for the longest time, so the moves weren't too bad. And I was always absolutely merciless about throwing things out, so I never accumulated much. That changed starting a decade ago, but now I'm on huge downsizing spree again. 

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