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Pressure to be cool online


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So I joined Myspace.  And now I feel old and uncool.  And like a COMPLETE LOSER because I only have 1 friend.  And I am all paranoid thinking that all these people who hate me are going to myspace-stalk me and laugh at me because I am a loser (Cause, y'know, I do it to them).  I hate the pressure to look good online so that random people think I am awesome.  I'm not even uncool enough to be cool, just uncool enough to be a friendless loser.  Which, granted, I am in real life - but why do I have to be that way online?  Do I just categorize myself as BP and put something like "I <3 my meds"?  Cause that won't get me dates, let me tell you.  Or friends. 

Anyway, what is with the online pressure to look cool for other people who google-stalk? (or friendster, myspace, random datiung site stalk).  Is it me?  Am I the only one who thinks this?  Like people are watching and judging when really people don't notice or care, and that is WORSE because not being noticed is so much worse than being judged inadequate. 

Anyone want to be my virtual friend?  We could make a whole MI gang.... OOOOOOO - that is a GREAT idea!  Only, can I wear a mask so nobody sees my face? 

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I have a livejournal.  It sucks.  I never post there. 

In fact, I've pretty much given up conventional online journaling.  I used to be a thrice-a-day introspective poster.  Now... meh.  Springer's been fulfilling that outlet for me a little more, recently.  If enough people post back, I'm motivated to write more.  Sometimes I even want to update.  Oooh. 

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I've been ignoring my livejournal for my springer thread lately.  A lot of my lj friends "don't get it."

Don't cave to the song pressure!  I hate songs on myspace pages!

Mine is totally boring.  But you guys should go browse through my friends and look at my sister's senior pictures!  Her name is Rachel and she's gorgeous!!!  ;)

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my original myspace description was really bitter and confrontational (mostly towards teenagers - before i realized the myspace world had the rest of the 20 somethign world under its thumb as well) , but lucky for me nobody (other than my friends) saw it, and who knew if even they read it. nobody said - whoa, you better tone that down a little bit, you look like a freak.  but i just edited it out of my own insecurity and instead basically said what i wanted to through code (i.e a dismemberment plan song):

happiness is such hard work

and harder every day

and it can kill

but no one really wants to be that tacky about it

and if you're wondering the dismemberment plan is not a heavy metal band.  the farthest thing from it.  just thought i'd clear that up (becuase i don't want you guys thinking i'm uncool and brand me as some kind of dark metalhead loser.  umm, not that there's anything wrong with that either . . . )

but anyways, that line about sums up what i feel on the myspace/internet coolness subject and if you can read code, lets you in on the fact that i'm suicidal and this whole shit is a waste anyway.  i haven't really gotten into the whole myspace thing, but i do check mine from time to time, and do look and see 'hey, did i get anymore profile views . . . . '.  i don't even know why. 

but yeah i have a lj too.  when i was on meds and i could actually formulate words and sentences, i used to update/rant a lot more on it.  but now my brains so dead i don't even bother.  i still read my friends - and now i realize that my ranting wasn't really much more emotionally reckless than what other people write or feel, but i just don't feel up to it anymore.  i've said the same thing over and over again, and what's the point in repackaging that rant. 

and after that 'i'm a cool not depressed person who you want to be seen as having as your friend online, with all those other 200  cool ironic not depressed friends you've listed, along with every indie band that played more than one song in their lifetime' sales pitch, who wants my myspace name? B)  that's right.  cool people wear sunglasses.  mostly for irony.  the smiley doesn't show it, but those are aviator shades. 

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