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I'm sure it's off but it might not be

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I am not diagnosed ocd. For the past couple years I have been struggling with some behaviors that I do repeatedly. Or having to do things in order. I really try to hide it because I hope it will go away. And it doesn't help the anxiety much to do the behaviors so I feel irrational and it's somewhat embarrassing.

Unfortunately I was with my family over the holidays and just a wreck from the stress of getting places and seeing people and I blurted out that I was having trouble with this. In the car someone asked me to run into the house to grab an item when we were all leaving, and I panicked and said I can't go back in because I will have to do everything all over. Which of course made them curious. And feeling quite vulnerable I declared I think I have ocd and stuttered through a weak explanation.

And now they know. I had ambiguity on my side and now they are aware of my problem. Which only makes it worse to be compelled to do the things but afraid to be observed. My family is loving and supportive but too much sometimes. I feel like I can get through it if I try to be rational and less anxious. 

Does your family, friends, partner know about your ocd? Do you try to talk about it?

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Yes, unfortunately they do.I've had OCD since I was about 12, I can hide my severe OCD from my friends. My family however knows it all too well, my sister will try to break the cycle as I am doing it. For instance... Before I go to bed i have to lock all the cars at night at the same time, and they have to beep twice. There has been times I have woken my sister up to try to find her keys at 2am. She has tried hiding the keys from me, it doesn't work. 

My OCD gets bad when my anxiety is high and I am overwhelmed emotionally. Are you taking any meds for it? I am a double checker. Which means, I am not sure I did that etc. and if i didn't something terrible is going to happen etc. I have other stuff but I don't want to bore you haha. 

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I only take one medication, zyprexa zydis for bipolar. Taking the med helps, but sometimes I get this yo-yo effect where it wears off and makes anxiety worse. So I'm talking to my doctor about different meds.

KnickNak, thank you for reminding me to take medication. I forget I can take the antipsychotic when I'm anxious. It helps immediately. 


Edited by paintedsky
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I have extreme OCD checking behaviors, so extreme that I can't leave my home without help, because no matter how many times I check something, I'm never sure that's it's really off, locked, unplugged, etc.

I have to have another person check everything when I go out, because I'm never sure on my own, and even then I have terrible anxiety the whole time I'm gone, afraid that my house will burn down because something was left on.

Needless to say, I don't get out of the house very often due to this, maybe a few times a month when absolutely necessary (doc appts, filling meds, stuff like that, that I can't avoid).

And yes my immediate family members know about it, and a few close friends that I rely on for help.

Have tried quite a few meds for it, and nothing so far has made much difference......But that doesn't mean another med won't help for you.......My pdoc and I are discussing what else I could try............OCD really sucks.......

Edited by CrazyRedhead
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