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I was thinking today what do I have to live for? You know like a kid or a cat or something that needs me. The days just go by and I get older and older and this just loops. If I dont have constant excitement I feel stuck. When all the good shows go off and it starts to turn 11pm I feel dread at having to face work atmosphere again and be reminded of how much everyone else has and be envy of their confidence and their ability to make friends and do their job well. Why do I feel so inferior?  Is it all because i wasnt treated extraordinarily special as a child? Is that it? Is it all because I am not appreciated at any job and I am not put on a pedestal as the model worker? I fail at work , my relationships are short and dysfunctional. I havent made any friends in the eight years that I have moved here. I never have company at my apartment. I mean what is there for me to be happy about really? yes I have parents and a sibling but I dont have a life of my own. I never moved on from childhood. I did things  like go to college etc, but whats next after that? Am I done? What purpose is next? I'm completely stumped as to what I am here for except to endure pain. yeah that should be my new name endurance.

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Dear Secrets,

You are clearly in a lot of pain and my heart goes out to you.  I have asked similar questions myself, many times.  Such as, Did God put me on this planet just to suffer? 

Perhaps it will help you to hear that I no longer ask those questions, and have become much, much happier.  Part of it is getting on the right meds, and getting healthy in general, but long before that happened, I began searching, and finding answers to my deepest questions about why we suffer and why we're here.  I found answers and I'm sure you will too, if you have the intent to do so, and don't give up. 

You're not alone.  Your honest admission of loneliness and confusion touched my heart.  I'm sure you have the capacity to touch other people as well.

Goddess

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oh secrets,

you poor thing. i know exactly how you feel right now. i truly do. you're at the bottom of the depression. the feeling of there being no hope. no reason. no purpose. no point. i have lived those feelings more times than i care to remember.

as a person who is currently not at the bottom, could you take my word for it that there is hope? and a point.

meds. you need a change. i take effexor in the morning and seroquel at night to reduce my obsessive thoughts and anxiety, and to knock me out cold. it really works for me.

get new meds.

and remember that you are not alone. the depression tells you that you are. but you aren't.

honest.

grouse.

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I have no faith anymore in a God.

I hope I dont wake up tomorow

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am sorry that things are so rough for you right now.  Are you on any meds?  Is there anyone in your life you can reach out to for support?  Like a sister or a friend?

Goddess

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Secrets

Your post name makes me wonder. And to be honest I am new here and I wish I knew more about you. If there are secrets please find someone to share them with, someone who is objective and trustworthy. Mine came in the form of a t-doc, and from there to a support group of kindred spirits.

My secrets nearly destroyed me, and as the saying goes, you are only as sick as your secrets. I sure do hope to hear from you tomorrow. If I am off base, forgive me, but your name stood out to me.

Love,

Sylvia

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;) Unfortunately I woke up today.

I have been on all ssris and other junk. I have had therapy and psych docs.

And no there is no big secret for my condition which makes it even worse for me to explain. I wasnt molested or physically abused just emotional  :)

I am gonna call an EMDR person today

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oh secrets,

you poor thing. i know exactly how you feel right now. i truly do. you're at the bottom of the depression. the feeling of there being no hope. no reason. no purpose. no point. i have lived those feelings more times than i care to remember.

as a person who is currently not at the bottom, could you take my word for it that there is hope? and a point.

meds. you need a change. i take effexor in the morning and seroquel at night to reduce my obsessive thoughts and anxiety, and to knock me out cold. it really works for me.

get new meds.

and remember that you are not alone. the depression tells you that you are. but you aren't.

honest.

grouse.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Do you work on a daily basis just curious....

Its hard to cope

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i was working full-time on a contract but my hours are hugely reduced now because sales have decreased. i was happiest when i was working full time because it pulled me out of myself and made me interact with people. so the socialistion aspect of depression treatment really works for me.

i suppose that my coping mechanisms were reduced when i was working, because i had to employ them more to cope with working, but at the same time my depression and anxiety were reduced as well so i wasn't having such a hard time coping. if that makes sense.

so i was very lucky. i really enjoy my job, although the pay is low.

take care,

grouse.

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;) Unfortunately I woke up today.

I have been on all ssris and other junk. I have had therapy and psych docs.

And no there is no big secret for my condition which makes it even worse for me to explain. I wasnt molested or physically abused just emotional  :)

I am gonna call an EMDR person today

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey Secrets!

Been where you are...I too have "no reason" to be depressed or bipolar or whatever.  I grew up knowing deep down something was always wrong (hello suicidal at 11) but always felt like something truly awful and tangible such as physical abuse or molestation had to take place for you to be diagnosed with depression (thanks to the rents that told me I'd better shut up and suck it up).  I/they were SO wrong.  Emotional abuse is enough and in a lot of cases much more intense than physical abuse.  Don't doubt your condition and I hope it doesn't make it difficult to explain.  You don't have to explain at all infact....it's none of their business....

Have you really exhausted all options??  Have you explored Anti-psychotics?  They have been proven effective in anti-depressant resistant depression.  Have you tried CBT?  If you truly change your behaviors you might be able to shake something loose.  By all means try EMDR and then be sure to tell me how it went!!!

HUGS!

Marisa :P

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:) Unfortunately I woke up today.

I have been on all ssris and other junk. I have had therapy and psych docs.

And no there is no big secret for my condition which makes it even worse for me to explain. I wasnt molested or physically abused just emotional  :P

I am gonna call an EMDR person today

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey Secrets!

Been where you are...I too have "no reason" to be depressed or bipolar or whatever.  I grew up knowing deep down something was always wrong (hello suicidal at 11) but always felt like something truly awful and tangible such as physical abuse or molestation had to take place for you to be diagnosed with depression (thanks to the rents that told me I'd better shut up and suck it up).  I/they were SO wrong.  Emotional abuse is enough and in a lot of cases much more intense than physical abuse.  Don't doubt your condition and I hope it doesn't make it difficult to explain.  You don't have to explain at all infact....it's none of their business....

Have you really exhausted all options??  Have you explored Anti-psychotics?  They have been proven effective in anti-depressant resistant depression.  Have you tried CBT?  If you truly change your behaviors you might be able to shake something loose.  By all means try EMDR and then be sure to tell me how it went!!!

HUGS!

Marisa :ninja:

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

yeah I was on some antipsychotic one time cant remember the name  ;)

I just have no interest in being at work anymore if that makes sense. I isolate from everyone

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