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"I want to die", but I don't really, or do I? Further pondering on a preemptive blog post - I have since removed - about how I believe that suicide being a viable solution, has raised that question. 

I don't remember the last time I was truly happy - or if I ever was. It seems as if any attempt to benefit myself in anyway is met with failure. And yet on occasion, I go at it again. I'm conflicted on this matter.

 

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3 hours ago, CrazyRedhead said:

IMO, I don't think you really want to die.......You just want your pain to go away, which I totally understand.

I agree with this. Nobody would prefer death if the pain wasn't there. I've been there, and it can get better. I am a living testament to that. But it sucks when you are feeling that way though. Been there, done that, and don't ever want to go back to that dark place.

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1 hour ago, SpookyCrow said:

I don't think I can argue that there's no chance of it ever getting better. The more logical argument is that the likelihood can almost be likened to null

Well, I will agree that your likelihood of getting better is affected by many factors such as the country you live in, your access to healthcare, and your particular background, but I am pretty sure that the likelihood is not null. The thing about depression is that everyone who is in the throes of it believes that the likelihood of getting better is null. Yet people do get better.

I am not completely well myself. I have to manage my depression in the same way that someone with diabetes has to manage his or her diabetes. However, I am much better than I was even a few years ago. And I have to say that I suffered many years with depression and was convinced that things could never get better. But they did.

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9 hours ago, SpookyCrow said:

I don't think I can argue that there's no chance of it ever getting better. The more logical argument is that the likelihood can almost be likened to null

I don't want to minimize your thoughts, but I think in the future (near or far) things will change for you.  Idk when, but I think there is hope.

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