Lily Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Gah. Not in good shape here. No meds for awhile, feel the clouds descending. It's that empty empty feeling, that feeling that there's nothing under my feet, and if I don't occupy myself with something, anything, I'm going to fall in. I'm slipping already. Horrible Christmas, realized not even Dad wants to spend time with me. Travelled all that way to sit by myself. It's okay, I can tell myself I have other friends, that my own family not caring isn't a reflection on me, but I can't quite believe it right now. I can't organize anything, I can't get anything done. I go thru the motions,and thankfully no one says anything when I show up at work at 1pm in the afternoon. But every day the piles on my desk get higher, more and more opportunities pass by, nothing gets done. I hate knowing I have potential but not being able to do anything about it. I don't like wasting my life away. I have a nice therapist who doesn't do the meds thingy, and he's given me the number of one who does. But he's never in, and I'm so sick of the fucking merry-go-round of docs here who ask no questions, explain nothing, and throw meds. I'm scared to try meds again. I'm sad that things are slipping through my fingers. I'm sad to watch it all happen. And I'm scared out of my mind of being ignored. Will someone please say something? I'm at the end of my rope here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirMarshall Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Hi Lily, (why do I sudddenly think of a broadway musical? Hi Lilly, Hi Lily, Hi lo !) Sorry things seem to be unwinding a bit. You recognize that what you have been doing isnt' working. Trying to find docs in a foreign land must be difficult. The med mix wasn't working, but being off them is worse. You need to go hunt down that potential doc and get your foot in the door. If you don't have a therapist then please start with that as well. Having someone to talk can help lift a lot off your shoulders. And the science says having both meds and talk therapy works better than either alone. Best, A.M. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loon-A-TiK Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Sure, I can talk and talk and talk you to boredom death! We tend to be negative about ourselves. The belief that people do not want to be around us not only is usually a false delusion, but a self-fulfilling prophesy- we MAKE it true by our beliefs and behaviors. No meds? Meds give us a catch, or at least something under the tightrope to fall on. They prevent and heal falls. It sounds to me like you need to be super-aggressive and make getting on meds a top priority. When they start working in your body you'll be yourself again, but without those terrible symptoms. You'll have light and it will really shine in your life. My old DX was double depression, before the freaks noticed the hallucinations and weird manic behaviors (only took 2 hospitalizations and both parents being BP). I wonder if your depression cycles between dark depression, sucky but not AS BAD depression, "normal", and then further falls... You need a pdoc who will see you, take your feelings and symptoms seriously, and help save you from this beast. If possible, enlist the aid of your current therapist or someone else you trust to help you get the help you need. My parents were the ones who got me help (well, being 7 and BP I wasn't going to get help for myself). Is a leave from work possible? I got fired for my leave, so if you go this route be prepared for this possibility. People don't like nut cases. lots of prayers sent your way--- loon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabbit37 Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Lily, is it possible to see a general practitioner just to help get you on your feet? I don't know your past history with meds. Do you know what *might* work, and help guide a dr? We're here for you. You're not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breeze Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Hi Lily: You are such a dear, and you are not alone. So many people are hitting the skids as my good friend calls it. Talk to your t-doc again. STRESS that it is important that you get some meds - for now. The t-doc can maybe get those guys to return your calls. It's going to be ok. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other. And you have that wonderul kitty to help you. Mine sits on my chest every night for about 20 minutes. I know he is there to comfort me. Animals are the best when we feel this way. Hang in there Lily, this is all temporary. Breeze Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2utopian Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Hello Lily, Terribly sorry to hear that you are so down; I can relate in that I don't think that I can make it another day at my job. I lived outside of Tokyo (Sagamihara) for a couple of years and without making a sweeping statement, I can tell you that the therapy I encountered there was useless. Not informing the patient of their own illness is part of the Japanese culture. A friend of mine in Sagamihara told me that her aunt had cancer, but that I was not to talk to her about it because the doctors had not told her. Even after chemotherapy! Is it possible to enlist a native friend who can help you through the medical maze? It is quite easy to have a total breakdown when you are alone in a different culture, at least it was for me. Ganbatte ne! Kevin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 No breakdown! Lily, honey, you need to have some meds, just to lift the black cloud a little bit. I don't necessarily think that they're the only route to take, but they help clear away the fog so that you can THINK. How awful that a therapist doesn't believe in meds. For someone with (I'm assuming) a chronic depressive disorder? He may not believe in them, but I'm with Breeze: call his office and ask if he can help you see someone who can prescribe. Lily, the older meds were awful (some of them), but the newer ones can be really good for depression. I'm not saying that what I take works for everyone, but there HAS to be a med that will get your brain cooties to line up and march in the right direction. Cymbalta happened to be the one for me, but maybe for you it would be something else. Here's something to take to the pdoc (if he's Japanese, and I'm assuming he is). Each ethnic group reacts to things differently. So what works on his Japanese patients will not necessarily work on you. He has to think outside the box a little. Maybe he could talk to an American colleague and get some input. I was thinking about this this morning because I was reading about Glaucoma. (African-Americans and Japanese people have the highest rates of Glaucoma, and nobody knows why.) Anyway, I'm all for therapy, but I wonder how effective your guy is if he's letting you walk around feeling like this. Are you honest with him about how you feel? If you are, and he's letting you be this depressed, than he's a dick-head. My GP was INSTANTLY concerned when I told him about my depression. And he wouldn't let me out of his office until I convinced him that I wasn't suicidal and would try some meds. Of course, the cultural thing about not naming your illness is a real door-opener.....sigh Honey baby, write again and tell us what you're going to do for yourself. Get a colleague or friend to help if the phoning is too much to handle. Or else I'll have to fly to Japan after I straighten out Rein's pdoc in Norway..... auntie olga the yenta for everyone "You cry, we fly" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weaseltine Cracker Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Hi Lily, I've never been to Japan, but is there any chance of finding an American trained doc--like one who mostly sees expats? The cultural differences must be so hard to deal with. It's hard enough slipping into the abyss in the States and dealing with finding a pdoc. I can only try to imagine how hard it is for you in Japan. I'm tortured by procrastinating, avoiding things that need doing, getting anxious about this, and then getting depressed about it all. It's really a cycle that is hard to break free from. Are you in any state to try setting a simple daily goal for yourself? If you accomplish the simple goal, it can be a helpful boost. We're all out here for you so keep writing. --Weasel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Posted January 26, 2006 Author Share Posted January 26, 2006 Hi you guys, Thank god you wrote! I was really afraid I'd be ignored here too, even though I know people here to be good and supportive. My t? p? ack, can't remember what doc is what. the guy I go to for therapy is American, and very kind, but we work on 'other' stuff, like my dad ignoring me and me having to let go of the idea that I'll get affection from him even though he means...ack, can't go there now. the able-to-prescribe-meds doc lived and worked in the US for awhile. He NEVER fucking answers his phone, and so I get to play phone-tag, asking when I can get in, waiting to hear back. therapy-doc says that med-prescribing doc is nice and friendly, but he seemed like a jerk on the phone when I finally did get to talk to him (his first question: how long has it been since I've seen you? WE HAVEN'T MET YET, NIMROD). and i feel like this is my last option! i've fucking run the gauntlet of gp's here, who get paid by the sheer number of patients they see and ask no questions and do no follow up. horrible! i had a rude therapy-and-prescribe-meds doc (American), and i don't know where else to turn. I'm not suicidal, which seems to be the default setting here--people may or may not jump if you are, but if you aren't, then it's just pick-yerself-up-and-stop-bitchin medical care. It's 10:30am and I can't seem to put myself together to go to work. the whole idea of showering/dressing/hauling myself in to work just seems undoable. i can't stop crying. AM, Loon, Rabbit, Breeze, 2Utopian, Olga, Weaseltine, THANK YOU for not leaving me alone. Just knowing there are people out there helps so much. My fat cat stayed near me all night last night, something he doesn't usually do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Libby Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 Hi, Lily, my friend. Sorry to hear you're feeling down these days. You are a terrific person, and your Dad is a jackass, as I opined before. Honestly, if he doesn't appreciate you, he has a screw loose. I'm sure it must hurt like hell though. I am wishing you peace and healing. I will come back and read all these posts later and hopefully have more to say... Right now I can't seem to concentrate on details, but I want you to know that I care. This pain will eventually pass, and you will come out on the other side. Your friend, Lib Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CirclesOfConfusion Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 Hi Lily, I'm sorry I'm late to your thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celestia Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 Gah. Not in good shape here. No meds for awhile, feel the clouds descending. It's that empty empty feeling, that feeling that there's nothing under my feet, and if I don't occupy myself with something, anything, I'm going to fall in. I'm slipping already. Horrible Christmas, realized not even Dad wants to spend time with me. Travelled all that way to sit by myself. It's okay, I can tell myself I have other friends, that my own family not caring isn't a reflection on me, but I can't quite believe it right now. I can't organize anything, I can't get anything done. I go thru the motions,and thankfully no one says anything when I show up at work at 1pm in the afternoon. But every day the piles on my desk get higher, more and more opportunities pass by, nothing gets done. I hate knowing I have potential but not being able to do anything about it. I don't like wasting my life away. I have a nice therapist who doesn't do the meds thingy, and he's given me the number of one who does. But he's never in, and I'm so sick of the fucking merry-go-round of docs here who ask no questions, explain nothing, and throw meds. I'm scared to try meds again. I'm sad that things are slipping through my fingers. I'm sad to watch it all happen. And I'm scared out of my mind of being ignored. Will someone please say something? I'm at the end of my rope here. <{POST_SNAPBACK}>Lily, I hope you got my PM, but in the event you did not, I decided to put my vacation off a day or two anyway, since I'm sick and can't go nowheres. Listen: You may be teetering around the abyss, and be afraid. But remember, there are people in there to catch you, should you fall. Our dearest Cerberus, Innkeeper of the Abyss, takes his job very seriously. I know, having been an occupant. He will see to it that you have a comfy spot and hopefully all of the books haven't been stolen out of the library. I know I got frisked pretty good when I checked out...oh, wait...that was a dream...dammmit. Hang in there sweetie, we love you. 4-real. I remember when I finally stopped crying after almost 3 years straight after my beloved crossed over to the "otherside". What a relief. Thanks to Cymbalta. Been having a rough patch lately myself, but at least the tears aren't flowing on a daily basis, so hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NYPaintLady Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 I have a nice therapist who doesn't do the meds thingy, and he's given me the number of one who does. But he's never in, and I'm so sick of the fucking merry-go-round of docs here who ask no questions, explain nothing, and throw meds. I'm scared to try meds again. I'm sad that things are slipping through my fingers. I'm sad to watch it all happen. And I'm scared out of my mind of being ignored. Will someone please say something? I'm at the end of my rope here. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Can your t-doc (non-med prescribing) call the p-doc and discuss your case with him? At least then the pdoc would have an idea of where to start when prescribing meds. Meds will help you to be able to see past the depression and let the therapy work to bring you back to where you want to be in life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grousemouse Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 hi, could you contact your consulate in japan? ask them if they are aware of any english speaking doctors who could help you? meds can suck, i wholly agree, but seroquel is saving my life. so some meds can help you. i don't know your med history either. i am currently having a good couple of days and am waiting for the other foot to fall. you aren't alone. you DO know that don't you? i have been to japan and ate as much sushi as i could afford. my god, the prices! no beer, thanks. i'll just have a cup of tapwater. yike! grouse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 Lily - There's always another psychiatrist to try; you might just have to travel a little farther, or in a different direction, than the current one. I think Grouse's suggestion about contacting the consulate is excellent. And for heaven's sake, don't tumble into the Abyss. Edward makes all the new arrivals play canasta with him for hours... Edward Cerberus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazySoprano Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 Cerberus~ I'm so glad your picture is back! The three-headed dog was kinda scary, and not nearly so handsome as your endearing self... Lily~ Run, do not walk, from the edge of the abyss. I learned the hard way that Edward can be quite the sore loser, particularly with canasta. Family issues can be so hard to deal with. The most important thing you must know through all of this is that you cannot change anyone else's behavior. I forget this a lot. But, when I'm in "the zone" and I remember that I can't fix my sister's problems or get my mom to stop being so stubborn, it helps me a lot. You've gotten some great suggestions about the pdoc issue. (The med-prescribing doctor is the pdoc, the therapist is the tdoc.) Definitely use the consolate/embassy resources. Not that I've ever lived in a foreign country, but the United States Embassy (as well as the Canadian and British ones) can be a poweful ally. Diplomats and their families need pdocs, too, so I'm sure there are resources out there. For you, obviously, English-speaking isn't so much the issue. (For those who don't know, Lily works as a Japanese-English translator.) You need a doctor who understands American culture. Maybe you can find a pdoc who will be willing to communicate with your tdoc. That way, your tdoc can help you understand what's going on with your meds and diagnosis even if the pdoc is being unclear. Definitely contact the pdoc your tdoc recommended. Maybe he's just used to a certain way of acting on the phone, and is much more personable at an actual appointment. In the meantime, use this place to vent. Tell us what's going on and how you're feeling. We're here for you whenever you need us. PM me anytime. I'm always listening. Love, CS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiona Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 I'm going to enthusiastically agree to the idea of contacting the US Embassy?Consulate for some help. When I lived in Southeast Asia the Embassy had a small department for citizen's services where they had suggestions for a variety of doctors (and things you should go back to the US for right away like pregnancy), and useful information like that. They also had a library with copies of that day's major newspapers (NY Times and such), and an assortment of new, used to be new, and older books. It was a joy to visit periodically. I do hope you get some help -- I'm grateful I never needed mental health care overseas. Well, I probably should have, but I didn't recognize I needed it. Meanwhile, hold on! Don't do anything harmful to yourself, or you'll find yourself in a hospital there and that doesn't sound like fun. Fiona Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Millie_O Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Hi Lily, This sucks. I have been where you are (figuratively, not literally) and there's nothing worse than knowing you need help and not being able to get it. It sounds like you're doing all the right things. I think the best advice is to ask the tdoc to call the pdoc (assuming the tdoc knows how bad you really feel). You need to get some help. You DESERVE to get some help. Hang tight. Millie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazySoprano Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Lily, how are things going? Are you doing any better? Have you contacted a pdoc yet? Please keep us posted. We're worried about you. Love, CS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Libby Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Lily, how are things going? Are you doing any better? Have you contacted a pdoc yet? Please keep us posted. We're worried about you. Love, CS <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Couldn't have said it better myself! What did your friend cook for supper? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Posted January 29, 2006 Author Share Posted January 29, 2006 hello, I'm feeling a little better. I called the p-doc (thanks CS) and he offered me an appt on Tuesday. I was so out of it I told him I had a meeting that day. He called back and reiterated that he had an opening on tuesday. Finally the light went on and I realized I need a doc more than I need another stoopid meeting! so. loon, I think you're right about being depressed generally (but coping) then finding myself on the super express train to the abyss. Ironically, the US consulate site lists the very same craptastic docs I've been seeing. go figure. the p-doc I'll see on tues worked in the US for 20 years, so dare I hope he can get me some US meds? cross your fingers. So sick of the flintstones multi-vitamin-stone-age-AD's they've been giving me thus far. lib, my friend's dinner was so-so taste-wise, but it was great to see her. i ate w/ another friend tonight, who told me that if I even suggest going back home for xmas next year, she'll kick my ass. I should realize by now that the family doesn't care, and stop hoping and setting myself up for disappointment. I feel really stupid for going back year after year. thanks, all of you. your posts help immensely. lily PS. I have a question: does anyone else have a 'slippery slope' when they know they are nearing the abyss? what is it? for me, it's when I find myself counting how many years since high school/college, and think of friends/former bf's, tell myself they're all married/successful/happy/Nobel Prize winners, etc. etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NYPaintLady Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 I'm feeling a little better. I called the p-doc (thanks CS) and he offered me an appt on Tuesday. I was so out of it I told him I had a meeting that day. He called back and reiterated that he had an opening on tuesday. Finally the light went on and I realized I need a doc more than I need another stoopid meeting! so. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I'm glad you have an appt on Tuesday. It's especially cool that the doc called you back about the Tuesday appt after you declined it. Sounds like he knew you needed to be seen sooner rather than later. Good luck to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazySoprano Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Ditto PaintLady. Lily, this pdoc sounds like a cool dude. Good luck with your appointment on Tuesday. Make sure you are comfortable with his treatment plan for you. You are going to get through this. It's a hard time, but I know that you can do it. Sending cookies and love. , CS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CirclesOfConfusion Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Yay! I'm really glad you found a promising doc! PS. I have a question: does anyone else have a 'slippery slope' when they know they are nearing the abyss? what is it? for me, it's when I find myself counting how many years since high school/college, and think of friends/former bf's, tell myself they're all married/successful/happy/Nobel Prize winners, etc. etc. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I know I'm not heading to a good place when I do what you wrote above. The mental checklist of my failures and the point-by-nitpicky-point comparisons to "successful" people becomes a crushing droning relentless mantra of a soundtrack in my head. Other times its the nothingness feeling, the numbness, I don't have the words to describe that one as well. Happy Lily is back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Millie_O Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 My slippery slope starts when I find myself taking those online depression quizzes - over and over - and thinking my score isn't good enough to warrant help. Glad you got an appt. Hope it helps. Millie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Lily: My slippery slope is lying on the sofa all day and doing JUST enough to slip under hubby's trouble radar. I have no idea why I want him to think I'm "fine," but there you are. Last week I was ready to ask my doctor for a new med: this weekend I feel like my usual self. If you come to America for Christmas, don't go see your family. Land at Kennedy and come stay with us. I've got a guest room and no children. We could threaten to go visit other CBers. heh olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celestia Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Lily: My slippery slope is lying on the sofa all day and doing JUST enough to slip under hubby's trouble radar. I have no idea why I want him to think I'm "fine," but there you are. Last week I was ready to ask my doctor for a new med: this weekend I feel like my usual self. If you come to America for Christmas, don't go see your family. Land at Kennedy and come stay with us. I've got a guest room and no children. We could threaten to go visit other CBers. heh olga <{POST_SNAPBACK}>Double, no triple, dog dare ya! All us rednecks could meet up in NYC! NEW YORK CITY! Like, ya know, Soho is just so cool. Too bad I gotta stay in sleazy towns in Jersey and go into the city, but wth...still like it...for about 2 days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CirclesOfConfusion Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 If you come to America for Christmas, don't go see your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazySoprano Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Me too! Me too! Me too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NYPaintLady Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 If you come to America for Christmas, don't go see your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Posted January 30, 2006 Author Share Posted January 30, 2006 Ack! It's not far from my parents' either! Kennedy is where I land when I go home. Thanks Olga and everyone. Sounds like there are a lot of cool folks around there! I woke up today feeling like crap again--but fortunately had a meeting so had to drag a brush thru hair (and teeth) and get to work. I also can't remember all my symptoms so must write them down so I don't go smile giddily at the doc. I'm nervous about trying a new med(s), but keep reminding myself how nice life can be when (as Olga says) the brain cooties march in some sort of formation. I even have some fat clothes left from when I was chubby, just in case the new meds pack on the pounds. Easy for me to say now, but I do feel ready to trade thin and morose for fat and happy. Morose sucks! xo lily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazySoprano Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Lily, just land in Boston! We can head down to NYC and meet everyone at this fantastic chocolate shop I know. It's called La Maison du Chocolat, and it's *fabulous*. Crazy people eating chocolate. That's what it's all about! ~CS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NYPaintLady Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Lily, just land in Boston! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazySoprano Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Haha! Except that every time I try to go to that place, I get lost on the way and end up wandering aimlessly for 20 or 30 min. in Rockafeller Plaza We'll work off the calories. I promise! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 **olga speaks in stern, schoolmistress voice** You wil NOT land in Boston and fall into the chocolatey clutches of that crazy opera woman. You will land at Kennedy, where I will pick you up in my minvan and take you to the house in the country. After a day or two of rest, we will head to NYC, pick up the Soprano at Penn Station where she has arrived by train from Boston, go to Rein's hotel and pick her up, and all of us proceed to the chocolate shop suggested by CS. I will march there in my orthepedic shoes and we will go STRAIGHT there with no detours. If you're all good girls, we can stop at Rockefeller Plaza to watch the skaters after we get our chocolate fix. Paint Lady---any Amtrak service where you live? I gots a station just 10 miles from my house and my minivan seats 7 people!! Oh, NY and chocolate and Christmas....what could be better? We better ask Millie to come, too and of course Pinky. Who else is in the northeast? Oh, Bobby! We HAVE to have Bobby! He'll need a day in the city by then to recover from his duties as Marty Stewart. heh olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celestia Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Sure, I can talk and talk and talk you to boredom death! We tend to be negative about ourselves. The belief that people do not want to be around us not only is usually a false delusion, but a self-fulfilling prophesy- we MAKE it true by our beliefs and behaviors. I imagine an old, old, old, old, old, Olga, er, I mean old lady in my head and she's all bent over and has had a miserable life (not you Olga I was just busting on how you say how OLD you are. But this old bitch in my head will not shut up sometimes. She's got a ratty sweater and blue hair and a crooked pointy finer and I just have to tell her to shut the fuck up. I don't normally talk that way to old people but... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Suze: You took away your picture! But I saw it before you took it away. Nyah nyah nyah.... The only drug I see is the same one I take.....I would have hoped you had other interesting substances. Lily, we have totally hijacked this thread! Let's talk about YOU!! olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Millie_O Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 What? Can you actually READ the name on the LABEL? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celestia Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 I know the ritual but I don't know the name of him. Good ADD: Bad ADD: On the same desk! Edited to add: there are no ilegal drugs in that mess Olga, so don't even thin about it. B) And that's me on no sleep and not bathing and having 3 chins. I'm a Wysiwyg! Wacko. <{POST_SNAPBACK}>I REALLY hadn't planned on posting THAT picture, but I also didn't take it off. I swear on Breeze's life...heh...no something glitchy happened, I grabbed that one by accident when I got the other two. I really look like this: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Millie darling, click on the picture and make it BIG! heh Now, can you read it??? Love, Auntie Olga with her reading glasses on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Millie_O Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Nope, still can't read it. I thought I needed new glasses. (I do see some pretty ginormous gazoongas though - don't need no specs for them!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Posted January 30, 2006 Author Share Posted January 30, 2006 Hey S9, in case people are too polite (or lecherous) to point it out...your boobie is showing. I saw your other, prettier pic too. Olga, that plan sounds lovely! After a t-doc session tonight, where we talked about how I keep going back, year after year, to a family that can't be bothered, and how desperate I am for even a teeny morsel of affection from Dad that he doesn't seem able to give, I came home all riled up and dashed off a mail, telling him how upset and fed up I was with it all. An old therapist once told me that if I keep expecting them to care about me and make a fuss (or actually ask me ANYTHING about my life here--please no one ask if they have visited; they couldn't be bothered to visit CA when I lived there, so that's outta the question), then I'll be endlessly disappointed. But if I can 'take what they can give,' accept that, and be glad for that, it wouldn't be so painful. I tried that for awhile, but watching my sister and brother get so much more has finally gotten boring. Sorry, I hate to pick scabs, go back over old hurts, feel sorry for myself. It's just that I thought this whole issue was behind me, that I was over it, and now I see that I'm not. I'm sick of pretending I have anything to go back for. But the good thing is, I don't need to go back for that anymore. My t-docs always make mention of the fact that I've taken myself to the other side of the earth to get away. It is partly running away, but it's also self-protection, I think. sorry to ramble. pdoc appointment today! I even have a Paxil stash (prescribed but never taken) so if that's what the doc orders then I will start that. I REALLY hope he can score some Adderall for me, but stims are hard to export overseas. damn... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazySoprano Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 **olga speaks in stern, schoolmistress voice** You wil NOT land in Boston and fall into the chocolatey clutches of that crazy opera woman. Hey! I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! I *love* your new sig, olga! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazySoprano Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Lily, I hope things work out well with the pdoc. Can't wait to hear how it went! ~CS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NYPaintLady Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Paint Lady---any Amtrak service where you live? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 The pdoc was nice. Got a scrip for Effexor today. Must order it from Bush Country, Adderall can't be shipped overseas, so will have to suck it up with regular Ritalin again. So, it's back on the meds merry-go-round! But at least I have hope. Will start my own Springer thread soon. Thanks sooo much everyone! lily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Dear Lily: Yay for Effexor! I think it was Raven who said that she was on that for quite a while and it was very effective for depression. And you're going to start a thread--double yay!! PaintLady, I love your optimism.....ever park a Suburban in Manhattan?? heh My best friend has one and we used to go down on various errands for her antique biz--and what a joy parking that sucker. Well, we'll put it in a garage to keep it safe. CS, send out the Winged Monkeys!!! Lily, I think that we're pulling out of the January blahs....what IS it about that month? I feel much better this week, and nothing (on the surface) has changed. You aren't allergic to cats and dogs, are you? Just thought of that. I vacuum the guest room very carefully, and there's no carpet in there, but I'm sure there's dander in the air! **sings a few choruses of New York, New York and White Christmas** Did anybody every guess Paint Lady's little totem thingy? olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 You aren't allergic to cats and dogs, are you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NYPaintLady Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 This made me laugh out loud! Didn't I mention I'd be bringing my 2 15-lb cats with me to your house? No? The more kitties the merrier! >..< Do they fly well? I'd be afraid they'd freeze in the cargo hold. Can we stop in at Magnolia Bakery and get a couple of them thar big-ass cupcakes they got in there? NYC's in the midst of a cupcake boom. Err, buttercream frosting has zero calories, btw. No worries there. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Don't you all know that food eaten with friends has NO calories and will not attach itself on your hips and stomach!?? Yay for Effexor! I think it was Raven who said that she was on that for quite a while and it was very effective for depression. And you're going to start a thread--double yay!! I've been on effexor 4 - 5 years. PaintLady, I love your optimism.....ever park a Suburban in Manhattan?? heh My best friend has one and we used to go down on various errands for her antique biz--and what a joy parking that sucker. Well, we'll put it in a garage to keep it safe. I haven't had trouble parking it anywhere yet and I've had Suburbans for the past 8 years. BUT, I haven't tried to park it in Manhattan. Did anybody every guess Paint Lady's little totem thingy? That's S9's totem.... I don't know what it is, it's blacked out eyes freak me out. Lily, she indicated that you may know what it was so I'm guessing it's Japanese. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 You're right, it was S9. Can I blame my brain farts on drugs? olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Millie_O Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 When's this trip to NY gonna happen? Is the suburban smoking or no-smoking? Does it run on biodiesel? Who's in charge of tunes for the trip? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazySoprano Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 I'll just fly in on my broomstick! "Surrender Lily"!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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