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Terrifying dreams, is it psychosis?


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I am currently having an episode of something, not sure what, but I am without a pdoc and the next one won't see me for another 2 months.  Unmedicated.  Which is dumb, I know.

I think I am coming off normal to people, but inside I am extremely anxious and paranoid.  I am convinced my husband is DONE with me although he tries to convince me otherwise.  I have enough sanity left to realize that nothing has changed in our relationship.  It's just my feeling.  I've been hearing people "say" things about me, malicious things, but I can't tell you what they said.  You know that horrible anxious feeling you get when you are ill, well I have that.

But what I want to ask in this thread is this.  I've been having some bad dreams.  That my husband is having an affair and leaving me, etc.  Every freaking night (when I am able to sleep, that is.)  But I feel like they are premonitions.  I really feel like God is sending me messages.  Y'all, I know about psychosis and I know this is a symptom.  BUT I BELIEVE IT.

Last night I had a particularly bad one where I was I was talking to my husband in the bed next to me and he was saying lots of cruel things to me, that he would never say.  Stuff like he didn't love me and he would have left me but it was too late, etc.  I FEEL that we were in another dimension and he was actually saying these things.  

I told him that this morning and he laughed it off, saying "Real me is better than dream me.  I'm never going to leave you.  We are eternal companions".... etc.  Funny thing is, our marriage has been really awesome lately (despite my anxiety) and he thinks it is so good that I am just afraid it's too good to be true.  He does not believe I have bipolar.  He thinks I am just really anxious and silly...

I could write more but I shouldn't make it too long.  Just tell me the horrible dreams are not real.  Please.

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1 hour ago, larali said:

I am currently having an episode of something, not sure what, but I am without a pdoc and the next one won't see me for another 2 months.  Unmedicated.  Which is dumb, I know.

I think I am coming off normal to people, but inside I am extremely anxious and paranoid.  I am convinced my husband is DONE with me although he tries to convince me otherwise.  I have enough sanity left to realize that nothing has changed in our relationship.  It's just my feeling.  I've been hearing people "say" things about me, malicious things, but I can't tell you what they said.  You know that horrible anxious feeling you get when you are ill, well I have that.

But what I want to ask in this thread is this.  I've been having some bad dreams.  That my husband is having an affair and leaving me, etc.  Every freaking night (when I am able to sleep, that is.)  But I feel like they are premonitions.  I really feel like God is sending me messages.  Y'all, I know about psychosis and I know this is a symptom.  BUT I BELIEVE IT.

Last night I had a particularly bad one where I was I was talking to my husband in the bed next to me and he was saying lots of cruel things to me, that he would never say.  Stuff like he didn't love me and he would have left me but it was too late, etc.  I FEEL that we were in another dimension and he was actually saying these things.  

I told him that this morning and he laughed it off, saying "Real me is better than dream me.  I'm never going to leave you.  We are eternal companions".... etc.  Funny thing is, our marriage has been really awesome lately (despite my anxiety) and he thinks it is so good that I am just afraid it's too good to be true.  He does not believe I have bipolar.  He thinks I am just really anxious and silly...

I could write more but I shouldn't make it too long.  Just tell me the horrible dreams are not real.  Please.

The paranoid delusions sounds like impending/bordering psychosis to me....especially if everything in your relationship is hunky-dory fine, yet you are convinced that it isn't? Are you convinced that your dreams are really true premonitions? Or can you decipher (with insight) that you are just overly anxious, so much so, that you are beginning to have super paranoid thoughts?

Are you not sleeping well? Lack of sleep can increase anxiety, which can lead to paranoia and then psychosis if ignored (seen it happen & it's happened to me) You should think about seeing a pdoc, and possibly a med (if you're not on anything now) to nip it in the bud.

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Dreams aren't real, and they won't become real unless you can magically see the future, which you can't. 

I go through periods of really terrible, graphic dreams. They never manifest, but they can haunt me for days. Looking in the mirror while telling myself they're just dreams, and they're over, seems to work well for me, even though it feels silly. 

Dreams are just your subconscious trying to process what your waking self experiences. You can't trust them. 

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Remember that your brain is a very complicated mechanism for making meaning out of a vast swarm of information that comes at you every day, most of which you don't consciously notice. We all have numerous filters that have developed over time to weed out things that are not important like the sounds of traffic, or other people's conversations. But your brain is constantly processing all the same. Imagine, though, that something is not quite right with the mechanism that manages all that processing. Some of the things that don't matter, some of that traffic noise, some of those other barely-noticed conversations might have gotten tossed in with the important things in your life, and processed along with them. Your brain's job is to try and make meaning of all that stimulus, and it may be that it's trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle with some of the pieces from another puzzle.

Allow yourself to question what you believe, even when you feel sure. Remember that feeling something is not the same as thinking something through. When you start to feel upset about a dream or unpleasant thought, teach yourself to stop right there - try to just stop - make that your signal that tells you that your condition is active, and that you should not trust the things that are making you afraid. You are in control. You always are. Being mindful of what is happening to you while it is happening is an important step in feeling and knowing that you are in control. When these horrid thoughts come to you - stop - take a deep, cleansing breath - and remind yourself that those unhappy ideas are nothing more than a few pieces from the wrong puzzle that got put in your box. No one is actually speaking to you, and God only wants the best for you. Be at peace.

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I have long periods of not being able to remember dreams and then when I do they are just weird.   Like movies that just wouldn't get made like...   Swimming to the Opera in a tux.  Or a love triangle with the nerd guy from Ghost Busters and Sarah Michelle Geller?  That was actually even more weirdly funny then it sounds.    Since I rarely remember them I took one seriously (My Pop was dream - mean to me) when he asked me why I was acting the way I was I thought how silly it was to react to something he never did.  Its a "dream"

Fears about relationship stuff...  Be glad this is dream stuff not real - that sucks on a high level of suckufication.   Fears?   Everyone has them.   I think therapy is a big piece is resolving that.   I can't tell you how many times I've walked out of therapy and said "Ok, why didn't I think of that???"

Meds and such are huge as well.   If your spazing out physically its hard to go to work or be a wife etc.   Why does it have to be two months before you can see someone if your bipolar?

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I went through the same thing thinking my wife was cheating on me I was so convinced I would wake up after only 2 hrs of sleep and drive around looking for her while she was at work. It almost led to divorce I was that convinced a while after that I was committed to the psych ward for a week thats how I found out I was BP1 alot of other things also happened like going to work in my pajamas not knowing how I got there getting lost 2 blocks from home.This is all before I was admitted and my meds.  well enough of that just know the feeling dont give In believe your husband.Your not alone.

 

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