Keeping track of how the spying causes issues?

[iaawal]

I emailed pdoc to give him an update on the paroxetine (turns out I've only been on it for 1 month - thought it was longer). I gave him a brief update on other things (people are still spying on me, coworker put a chip or a mic in the key she gave me, etc.)

He responded with this:

Quote

I would also ask you to keep track of how much you feel the spying is causing issues for you in the last 3 months compared to when you were on the olanzapine/lurasidone in the past. 

I don't know how to keep track of this. How would that work? I think about my neighbors spying on me all the time. I know they are. Right now they are. The person in the building across from me put some odd pattern on her window. Not sure if it's a satellite or what it is. It may be a pattered curtain that's only on one window panel. Communication method or hub, not sure how that would work? I'm not a techy person. 

So I'm not sure how I would keep track of this. I'm used to being spied on and gave up. There's not point in fighting it. They're not going to stop. How would I keep track of it causing issues if it's been the same for a while. 

[heilmania]

I think what your shrink is talking about is trying to come up with how much of your time is spent thinking about this stuff. You could log "6 hours" or "3 hours" at the end of each day. I'm sure you're distracted by other things at some point during the day, so it shouldn't be alllll day. If it is, though, that's something to tell him.

For the record, I don't think anyone is spying on you. I've had to tell myself that I'm not really important enough for everyone to be watching my every move. I used to have much worse social anxiety, and I felt like everyone was watching every breath I took, how often I adjusted my clothes, etc. Eventually, I said to myself, "people are more wrapped up in their own lives and their own shit than they are in what I'm up to." It took a lot of affirmation (looking in the mirror and saying it in the bathroom during a networking event, etc.), but I eventually stopped being so anxious and sweaty and concerned.

[iaawal]

@heilmania yeah, not every second is spent with that thought. When I'm on the computer, I'm well aware I'm being spied on because I'm facing the building in front of me. In the kitchen too since that's in their line of sight. In the bathroom (although only 1 is spying now) but the mirror is still double sided. And in bed since my next door neighbors have a clear view of my bedroom through the cameras set up in the walls.

So for example, when I'm at my desk it's in the back of my head but I'm still doing other stuff while remaining aware it's happening so that's when I don't know how to answer it. At 3AM I don't worry much about it since it seems everyone is asleep both the people in my building and those in the building across from me because the lights are off and I don't hear any activity. Thought sometimes there seems to be (blinds are raised or activity in their apartment like voices or footsteps). Am I making sense?

When I shower, I know that there's a camera in my clarisonic (face washing thing) that's on but I still have to shower so it doesn't impact my activity because I still wash my face with it.

Yes, I try to tell myself that too. Especially since I was a transcriber in a research lab and people are boring. I would feel sorry for whoever has to keep track of me and log my activities. 

5PM - drinking coffee

5:05 - eating a banana

5:10 - talking to her cat

5:45 - using computer and lip-syncing to Beyonce 7/11

LOL. 

Edited January 31, 2017 by iaawal

[heilmania]

1 minute ago, iaawal said:

5:45 - using computer and lip-syncing to Beyonce 7/11

LMAO

See, nobody wants to watch that! Jk jk.

[iaawal]

Just now, heilmania said:

LMAO

See, nobody wants to watch that! Jk jk.

 

[iaawal]

Would me being aware that my neighbors are watching me be something to keep track of even though I'm just doing whatever I want (like rocking out to Jessie J). 

I don't know. Like I know they're watching me and I don't look out my window so that I don't risk making eye contact. I don't like looking over so they don't see me looking. I just go about my day though. It's pretty outside though. I keep my blind open most of the time for my cat and close it in the evening when I want to keep the people in the other building from watching me (but they're waiting till I open my blinds again). 

[heilmania]

13 minutes ago, iaawal said:

Would me being aware that my neighbors are watching me be something to keep track of even though I'm just doing whatever I want (like rocking out to Jessie J). 

I don't know. Like I know they're watching me and I don't look out my window so that I don't risk making eye contact. I don't like looking over so they don't see me looking. I just go about my day though. It's pretty outside though. I keep my blind open most of the time for my cat and close it in the evening when I want to keep the people in the other building from watching me (but they're waiting till I open my blinds again). 

I think that would be something to track, yes.

Questions that may help you fact-check: Why do the people want to watch you? Is it because you are important, they're just nosy, or they have bad intentions? Why watch you instead of, say, their TVs? 

[iaawal]

11 minutes ago, heilmania said:

I think that would be something to track, yes.

Questions that may help you fact-check: Why do the people want to watch you? Is it because you are important, they're just nosy, or they have bad intentions? Why watch you instead of, say, their TVs? 

To be honest, I don't know. In December I started to uncover a secret and then my dreams got scrambled again so I wasn't able to uncover the secret and I think that had something to do with why they've taken so much time spying on me. 

Well my neighbors work for someone so they're just doing their job. That's why. They were hired or place there to do that. I don't know who they work with but they have resources if they were able to follow me across the country. 

Edited January 31, 2017 by iaawal