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My doctor thinks I may be possibly bordering into treatment resistant depression. He thinks there are too many situational factor (job loss, poor treatment at work) for him to come to that conclusion just yet. Plus he wants to see if my meds work. My Mirtazipine has been upped to 45mg. I am on 20 mg of cipralex already.

Bipolar 2 was discussed, as it had been tossed about in my dx, though most of my doctors don't think it is true in my case. 

My doctor talked about ECT.

Of course this does not make me feel better. Lately I vacillate between being okayish to angry, to crying, and then throwing things, back to okayish. I am finding it harder to be motivated.

My job situation sucks. I am trying but I feel like the bottom fell out for me. I am trying to make the best of things but I just don't feel okay in life.

I felt passively suicidal and thought about swallowing a bottle of mirtz, but just didn't follow through.

Just feel like crawling into a hole.

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I only see 4 antidepressants in your med list. As discouraging as this might sound, that's really not very much. You have many options to explore. It's a pain in the ass. It's exhausting. But when you find something that works, it will make it all worthwhile. 

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1 hour ago, Flash said:

I only see 4 antidepressants in your med list. As discouraging as this might sound, that's really not very much. You have many options to explore. It's a pain in the ass. It's exhausting. But when you find something that works, it will make it all worthwhile. 

I agree ... there are a lot more meds out there to try.  It sucks being on the med-go-round, and is a PITA ... and may take awhile. 

But like said above, "when you find something that works, it will make it all worthwhile."

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I don't want to minimize your depression. It's serious, and upsetting and your feelings and concerns are valid.

Treatment resistant depression is a term without a fully agreed upon definition, some sources say you have to try only 2 anti-depressants, others say 4. Some argue you need to try augmenting with something like lithium or Abilify. Looking at your signature, you may well already meet these "criteria". 

I look at the term as validation, really. It's an acknowledgement that I've put a lot of time and effort (and money) into trying to treat my illness to little or no avail. I viewed the original diagnosis the same way - acknowledgement that I have severe mood episodes outside the realm of "normal". 

Do you have a tdoc and/or friends or other support network you can reach out to when you're feeling so low? It sucks to be alone then.

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2 hours ago, Geek said:

I don't want to minimize your depression. It's serious, and upsetting and your feelings and concerns are valid.

Treatment resistant depression is a term without a fully agreed upon definition, some sources say you have to try only 2 anti-depressants, others say 4. Some argue you need to try augmenting with something like lithium or Abilify. Looking at your signature, you may well already meet these "criteria". 

I look at the term as validation, really. It's an acknowledgement that I've put a lot of time and effort (and money) into trying to treat my illness to little or no avail. I viewed the original diagnosis the same way - acknowledgement that I have severe mood episodes outside the realm of "normal". 

Do you have a tdoc and/or friends or other support network you can reach out to when you're feeling so low? It sucks to be alone then.

I read it somewhere that two antidepressants have been tried at once. I have never once felt fully "ok" with my mood disorder. I have been functional but not fully engaged. I felt near normal at one point on Topomax, but I wasn't really good at compliance back then, and I have never been the same since.

I am going to say I am not at my worst right now, so no ECT. I can still shower, and leave the house. I have not dissolved into a puddle of goo in my bed.

I was sort of agitated and swearing a lot tonight. It was out of the ordinary. I apologized. Now I feel like a bit of an idiot.

I think it was situational stuff that set me off. I was  crying a lot but that has passed

 

Edited by wookie
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