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all the things!


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I'm having some manicky breakthrough symptoms tonight, and was wondering if any of you could relate...

Basically I feel overwhelmed by how many things I own. I keep getting distracted by things because everything feels wonderful and extraordinary and special. Right in front of me is a jar of Mexican spices, and I feel so amazed by the fact that I can use it if I want to, and that there are so many other spices I can also use. Isn't it absolutely grand that I have such options right at my fingertips? I have so many glasses, so much furniture, everything everything just feels like it needs my attention. So I'm jumping around from thing to thing, feeling amazed and blessed.

Anyone else get overwhelmed and distracted by all the things they have when having manic symptoms? Can anyone relate?

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Oh goodness yes. I often just think and think about all of the choices at my fingertips and what I could do and how I could pick up digital painting and read a new book series and draw this cool thing (and get so distracted thinking about what I could do that I don't do any of it).

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You know in the list of topics, the one that precedes yours is called "Things you've done while manic" and then right under it there's you: All the things! Made me laugh.

More seriously, yes, I can relate. I get completely bogged down in things in mania. I have to open cupboards examine stuff, see if anything has a higher purpose. Pull out boxes of packed things and spread them out so i can see and touch it all. And the worst of it is the drive to acquire more things! But in my head, I don't hold it as such. My kids call this routine "You and your big ideas." It's often triggered by some moment of fond appreciation, as you describe, followed by a Big Idea. Like, look at all these wonderful spices. I'm so fortunate. I should cook more and USE them. I know! I need a spice rack! And it's ON. Funny you used that example, because this actually is true. I was at my daughters house and felt SHE needed a spice rack. You see, all these things represent solutions to problems for me, or else they are under-appreciated junk, and I can relate to that, so I take them in. Someone is throwing THAT out? Oh, no. You'll not go to the dump, litle headboard. Come with me. I see a bright future for you as a... um..spice rack! Because if she needs a spice rack, she'll get a spice rack, but I am frugal aND creative, so we don't have to buy one. I'll MAKE it! Be faster and easier and in the end probably even cheaper, to just buy one, but in the beginning, I'm all about giving new life to some old pieces of wood, or empty vitamin bottles or whatever I see that could scoot in as part of a spice rack. And you just know she's not going to have just the right stuff to build it, so I gotta go to the hardware store. As I'm writing, I have four 8-foot lengths of trim molding leaning over me. Not for her spice rack, these are leftovers from a project that barely got off the ground when the magic drained out if me last time. And they are not all. It sounds like you have a lovely home. I can't anymore. My big ideas explode stuff everywhere. I live in a dangerous hell of my spread out things. But I can't figure out how to organize it all again, because of some cognitive stuff related to a head injury. Or maybe not related. And maybe it a lack of will or self control. I came out of the worst depression of my life a couple months ago, during which I stopped eating, bathing, cleaning up after myself. I was completely avolitional. I don't feel depressed anymore, but I'm still avolitional. Whatever causes it, its hell in here all the same.

 

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