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Can't get through a session....


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without crying and blabbing.  I feel like I'm accomplishing nothing because I just continue to reidentify my problems.  I just can't seem to shut up and let him do his job.

How in the world can I stop this?  I thought of putting something in my pocket and squeezing it.

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crazyethel,

hey, it's alright. really, it is. when you are sitting there crying you are participating in your therapy 100%. if you were not crying you would be 'wasting his time' because you wouldn't be trying to confront what is hurting you so much.

the place you are at in your therapy is to cry when trying to deal and confront what is inside you. that is a completely valid state and way to be in therapy. it takes courage to do what you are doing. you are going to therapy. that takes the courage of a lion. how many people desperately need therapy but are not going? those people are still trying to get enough courage to GO to therapy.

you have already taken a huge step by GOING.

please, for your sake, keep going. i think you have more than enough courage.

grousemouse.

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What a nurturing person you are! Thanks.

I've been in therapy before, but I've never cried like this.  I'm not sure if I'm feeling more depression than usual or whether this guy just moves me more.  He's very understanding, very bright. I think he can help if I can get some control. I've seen him about 6-8 times.  I got through the first couple of sessions okay and then the dam broke.

crazyethel,

hey, it's alright. really, it is. when you are sitting there crying you are participating in your therapy 100%. if you were not crying you would be 'wasting his time' because you wouldn't be trying to confront what is hurting you so much.

the place you are at in your therapy is to cry when trying to deal and confront what is inside you. that is a completely valid state and way to be in therapy. it takes courage to do what you are doing. you are going to therapy. that takes the courage of a lion. how many people desperately need therapy but are not going? those people are still trying to get enough courage to GO to therapy.

you have already taken a huge step by GOING.

please, for your sake, keep going. i think you have more than enough courage.

grousemouse.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

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Sounds like you are ready.

I crack me up. I go in, swear I will NOT cry, and then it's all over. Weeping Willow.

You are brave to admit this, but you aren't the only one. I think this time you will actually get somewhere.

Just because you haven't seen him long, does not mean that you are not reading him well. This could be the doc for you.

Good luck, and good health.

Breeze

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Real therapy is not for the faint of heart. Sometimes you feel worse when you leave than you did when you came in, and then it can last a few days.

Congratulate yourself on working hard. You may be doing more work than you think in therapy.

Erika

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I've had that issue as well.  And remember, I'm a guy... a guy who can leg press 5 times his weight and can drink anybody under the table.  I didn't bring up the true facts and my true emotions until I'd decided to in therapy after a couple months.  At which point it became a relative disaster, where I collapsed into tears and my tdoc wondered exactly what the hell was going on.

So don't be surprised that therapy, and specifically, being honest with your tdoc, can be painful.

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With this latest therapist, I'm starting to have tears in my eyes. Oh God. I dread the next appt in a couple of weeks. Shit starting to break through my thoughts. Had a rough time last night when overwhelming memories came back. I don't think I'm ready to discuss them with him. I have major trust issues. But I know I'll be crying.

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as my therapy sessions have progressed over the last year we have worked our way closer to big things deeply surpressed in me. and i have recently started to cry in therapy. this is a good thing because it is an indicator that we ARE drawing close to deep-seated problems for me.

tears are good. they really are. they are a sign of courage.

grouse.

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Heya crazyethel,

I usually end up in tears when I see my FP and she asks how I am.

I think, like the others are saying, that it's not only okay but -- if it comes naturally -- healthy to cry when talking/thinking about hard things.

And you know?  It's not weird, really, to watch somebody cry in your office.  It's just really, really important to offer them some kleenex (and is on the exam too).

--ncc--

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without crying and blabbing.  I feel like I'm accomplishing nothing because I just continue to reidentify my problems.  I just can't seem to shut up and let him do his job.

How in the world can I stop this?  I thought of putting something in my pocket and squeezing it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

CE, I've been seeing my guy for 2 1/2 years every week. I cried for a YEAR! Then I talked for a YEAR (I know those of you who know me--hard to imagine, ar, ar).

Then finally 2 weeks ago, I said to him, "I think I'm ready to start listening." We laughed. I said, "I'm going to let you earn your money now and tell me how to live!" After he asked me this question, "How long have you lived in survival mode?" I said, "well, all my life." It was an epiphany, I've never learned how to live. DUH!

It takes awhile to untangle some of this stuff. If you have the time, relax, and cry as much as you need to!

One more thing then I'll shut up, my girlfriend has severe GAD and can't sleep because she's so anxious at night. She saw her therapist a few weeks ago and slept through the whole session. Her therapist let her, knowing she needed it cuz she felt safe there.

Therapists see it ALL...

Hugs,

S9

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Ah, so that's why they all have a couch even though hardly anyone sits on it.

Mine have always had two chairs together that seem to be where they want you to sit.

Wonder if he could cope with my getting on the couch. LOL

I thought it was interesting that this past time, one of the chairs was a little further back than the other. But I chose the chair that was less "in the open". He has a lot of plants. I felt more at ease and obscure among the plants.

His lamp and pen holder is driving me crazy, tho. It's at wrong angles to the edge of the desk. Wonder if he'd get upset if I moved them?

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I noticed I always sit in the same exact spot on the couch and grap the same pillow to put on my lap.

I wish my pdoc had a pillow. Maybe I should bring my own. Seriously. I sit with arms and legs crossed, wishing I could completely roll up like an armadillo.

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i sit in different spots. my therapist shares a room with a child therapist and there are lots of toys. my 28 yr old self goes and plays.

i sit only rarely in the chair provided. it makes noise so i don't like it.

so i sit on the floor. different places. sometimes lie on the floor. next week it may be under the table in the corner. i don't plan or anything. when i plan anything, it usually goes differently anyway.

some of my therapy (to me anyway) is about giving myself permission to break some rules. like where i sit.

i also like to take off my shoes.

pj

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My T shares offices with a physical therapist so there is a massage bed and a few chairs.  I always sit in a chair, but move it closer to where the T's chair is so I can be in my comfort zone for talking.  I hate to shoout across a room and she has a very quiet voice too.

Tommy

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I've had times when I cried every time I saw my pdoc, and times when I needed to cry and nothing happened. I've also had times when I couldn't stop crying. He had me go sit in the building lobby behind the plants while I tried to get hold of myself, then he came out between his next appointment and the one after to check if I'd managed and if I could manage getting home and such.

Like someone else said, they've seen it all.

He has a couch and two chairs in his office, he always sits in the one chair. I've always sat in the other, but I've thought about the couch -- I know it would be fine. And he keeps pillows and a blanket near the couch.

And I always take off my shoes so I can curl up in the chair.

Fiona

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I always sit in the same place when I see pdoc and tdoc, the couch. They're in didfferent offices.  Sometimes depending on how I feel I sprawl out on the couch when I see pdoc. Sometimes I sit with hands clasped in front of me playing with my fingers (pdoc and tdoc). When I did group therapy I usually sat in the same place but had no problem sitting or lying on the floor from time to time. Man, I miis activity therapy.

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Saw a new pdoc yesterday.  The receptionist led me into a room with three identical chairs, arranged in a triangle, all about 4 feet apart.  I noted that two of them had easy access to kleenex, so I chose one of those.  I sat there waiting dor the pdoc and wondering if there was any amazing significance to be attached to which chair I chose ;)

Tommy

PS  the pshrink took the other one near the kleenex.  There was also a tiny side table to write on next to the two chairs we used.

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I sat there waiting dor the pdoc and wondering if there was any amazing significance to be attached to which chair I chose ;)

I wonder about that too. I'm sure there is. Which seat I sit in. How I sit. Why I always wear black. (I. Just. Like. It.) Supposedly if you avert your eyes when speaking, you can be lying... but yet I have a hard time looking directly at him when talking about something painful. I can't think while staring into his eyes, I need blank wall space, anything. And we're only just getting started. Maybe it'll be a bit "easier" once I have more trust with him.

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Heya,

LOL Tommy, harmless transference we hope?

Funny, but at my first psychiatry appt, I walked in and sat in the chair with wheels.

For anyone who does *not* grasp the significance of that -- it's the doctor who gets the wheels. 

We don't want anyone falling, plus, well, dammit it's my chair.

When kids come in, they *always* either climb up on the exam table or sit on my wheeled chair.

When the latter happens, I make a cute joke like, "Whoever has the wheels is the doctor.  So okay, Tommy, you be the doctor, and I'll go have lunch."

I'm just so damned used to being the doctor.

Dr. K. very kindly has never mentioned this incident.  He just gestured to the two chairs around a low table, and said, "Let's go sit over there together."

Being a patient is weird.

Maybe I'll bring my rocking chair next time.

--ncc--

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I wish I could sit on the floor but my therapist's office is so small and he probably would try to get down there with me, too, so that's just not working!

I wonder if the couch and two chairs next to desk arrangement is in a book somewhere or what. I always sit on the couch and my tdoc sits across from me. He has a huge mosaic painting on the wall over the chair where he sits (every time) and I usually look at that. Or the broken printer stashed under the chair...or the cushie pillow in my lap. Anything but look at the perfectly non-scary, soft spoken hippy gay man sitting across from me. I really like this guy. ;)

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For anyone who does *not* grasp the significance of that -- it's the doctor who gets the wheels. 
The first time I was in this office (I'd seen him in another before) I took a quick look around, evaluated the 'landscape' of the room -- couch, two identical chairs -- partly by power, and immediately sat down in 'his' chair. He had said I could sit anywhere I wanted. We had a nice laugh and I sat in the other chair.

Maybe I'll bring my rocking chair next time.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The chair rocks. I take off my shoes, curl my feet up onto the chair with me, sometimes I look at him but not always, and rock (I'm too short to sit 'properly' in the chair with my feet on the floor anyway). He says he can tell how upset I am by how much I rock. However, if you put me in a chair that moves, I'll rock, constantly, every time.

Fiona

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My therapist rearranged her furniture over the break.  I don't quite know what to make of it.  I'm sitting on the opposite side of the room now, so I have a different painting to stare at while I talk.  It's a painting of a wooden duck.  I think there are some eggs in it, too.  I don't really remember, since we've only had one session thus far.  Weird.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Had a good, non-crying session with my therapist today.  The lamictal has finally kicked in.  But his first words were, Well, now are you ready to work?  As if the crying was an intentional procrastination!

So....again he wants to explore my childhood (neglected child, sexual abuse), extremely bad but not violent parenting.

It was traumatic, causes me to have anger/rage/self-esteem issues, but do we need to continue to rehash the problem.  I am a grandmother, for Christ's sake.  I want to assess the damge (already done) and find some positive ways to adapt.  But he is convinced I need closure on the other stuff.

I do find closure comforting, but come on.  It's really not that telling the old story hurts that much.....I've told it to countless therapists, some asking the right questions, others not knowing how/if to respond.  Anyway, yesterday this guy asks me if I have ever considered writing a letter to my mom (who died in 1994 at age 83).  I told him I definitely wasn't going there....what's the point?  The woman who did me damage bears no resemblance to the old, sick lady she became.

I think that's right out of Counseling 101.  What do you think?  More on to someone with more of a behavorialist (sp)?

I am BPII, probably have some traits of several personality disorders (borderline, dissociative, OCD).  Wouldn't the treatment be similar?

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Had a good, non-crying session with my therapist today.  The lamictal has finally kicked in.  But his first words were, Well, now are you ready to work?  As if the crying was an intentional procrastination!

Of course, I wasn't there and don't have doc's tone of voice to hear these words. Maybe his comment about being ready to work now was not a comment that all of the crying you needed to get out was procrastination but was necessary and now you could move on working on specific isues? As I said he didn't say it to me, only offering an unsolicited different interpretation on his comment.

So....again he wants to explore my childhood (neglected child, sexual abuse), extremely bad but not violent parenting.

It was traumatic, causes me to have anger/rage/self-esteem issues, but do we need to continue to rehash the problem.  I am a grandmother, for Christ's sake.  I want to assess the damge (already done) and find some positive ways to adapt.  But he is convinced I need closure on the other stuff.

Will closure bring an end to your anger/rage/self-esteem issues? Will closure lead to positive way to adapt? I don't know. His methods may not work for you?

I do find closure comforting, but come on.  It's really not that telling the old story hurts that much.....I've told it to countless therapists, some asking the right questions, others not knowing how/if to respond.  Anyway, yesterday this guy asks me if I have ever considered writing a letter to my mom (who died in 1994 at age 83).  I told him I definitely wasn't going there....what's the point?  The woman who did me damage bears no resemblance to the old, sick lady she became.

I've told my stories over and over again to different docs and some have wondered how I can do it so easily. Umm... because I have done it so often now I am kind of detahced from it all.

The letter idea can work for some people. It is the act of writing the letter, best done longhand not typed, that allows you to say what you need to say and get it out of your head. Then you don't send the letter but rip it up or burn it, symbolically letting it go. But I know, my pdoc has asked me to do the letter writing thing and I always fought it. It doesn't work for me.

What do you think?  More on to someone with more of a behavorialist (sp)?

I am BPII, probably have some traits of several personality disorders (borderline, dissociative, OCD).  Wouldn't the treatment be similar?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What school of therapy does your doc adhere to? Depth work or psychodynamic therapy may not be what you want. As for being more interested in finding positive coping skills and better ways to adapt, Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) may be more of what you want.

Random thoughts.

Erika

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I really don't think continuing to talk about my childhood is going to change anything.  What's done is done.  Maybe I'll feel differently at some point, but for right now, I just want to put a more positive face on my life by learning new techniques and skills for modifying my behavior.

I'm sure closure would be helpful.  I love closure.  But I also think that would take years and right now I'm pretty tired of examining my life period.

I was ready to quit, but my psychiatrist encouraged me to talk to him, tell him how I feel, and see if we can't change the direction of the therapy.  She says she knows of his reputation and that he can do both well (psychoanalytical and behavioral).

So, maybe I'm trying to run away from something, quite possible.  But for right now, I want to learn how to create positive things in my life, respond positively to people, and increase my motivation for healthy things.

It doesn't seem that talking about sexual abuse at 6-7 years and a rape at 15 will accomplish that.  They were horrible, they affected me terribly, but enough is enough.  I suppose there is more work to do in that area, but does it have to come first???

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Heya ethel,

No.

I think for some people those old things come first.

But for others, the present stuff comes first.

My therapist only saw this one way, old stuff first.

Since I ran away screaming from *her,* CBT and anger management has been very very helpful.

(My old stuff wasn't *near* as rotten as yours was, but still old.)

Now I know what to ask on the first therapist visit, and my FP and psychiatrist back me up on it.

If your therapist has a variety of approaches, then please do talk to him.  It'd be easier to change directions with a therapist who knows you than to start all over again with someone you've never met.

--ncc--

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Hey ncc,

Thanks for your thoughts.  I know I'm inclined to run away/cut people out when I feel unsupported.  I think some of that is happening here. It's very possible.

But I came to therapy with certain goals and readdressing my childhood issues wasn't one of them.  I'm so weary of that approach.  I want to put it behind me and move on.  That's what I need help with.....techniques to reframe my thoughts.

Isn't that what cognitive therapy is all about?  I guess I thought that's what I was getting.  Maybe most therapists just feel the need to get to the beginning before they can move to the present. 

I think I want a coach.....not someone to encourage me to whine and cry about old stuff.

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Dsyfunction,

No, I haven't heard that, but it sure does apply, huh?

I think it's true.  I am resisting, and it does persist. But so is my height and eye color.

But do we have to talk about it ad nauseum?  Maybe later, but I'm not in that frame of mind right now.

Let's talk about my current life, make some positive changes in how I react to things/people.  He now knows the old stuff.  I've told him the story. He can silently process it. :embarassed: 

If I get upset some day, it doesn't have to relate to my childhood.  If I'm angry at my husband and children, it doesn't have to relate to my childhood neglect.

The one thing I see that I can draw a perfect coorelation is seeing a child mistreated or one who is so needy that she is a prime candidate for a pedophile. 

But if I have a disagreement with my daughter, it doesn't have to be about my childhood.

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Heya crazyethel,

Have to agree with you on that score.

Some stuff is *clearly* leftover/echoes from my family.

But a lot of it is actually that I just never learned how to be hurt/diappointed/afraid/frustrated/sad without expressing it all as anger.

So, learning how *not* to express anger, when the feelings are something else, is helping me in everyday life, and then I get in less arguments, and then I don't hurt people, and then I feel better and don't curl up in a ball hating myself.

It's only sort-of working, I have a long ways to go, but it didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of working B.L.  (Before Lamictal).

Probly would help at some point to go back in time and resolve things.  But right now I just bloody well need to function and stop causing new problems.

Write your concerns, and advocate for what you need.

--ncc--

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