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Ok, not sure where to post this, yet this is all tied to my mood disorder.  As mentioned in my other post, I stopped going on Facebook 2 weeks ago (it was making me severely depressed. I was passively scrolling it for HOURS everyday, yet I was never posting anything).

My husband told me that I have simply exchanged one addiction (FB) for another, with going on this CB Forum. I told him that I post here because it is the only support I have from people that understand what I go through. This is only place (other than Therapy) where I can express myself/be accepted as who I am. People here can relate! I have no friends or support now, there are no support groups where I live. No one understands and it is causing me extreme distress.

He says I should completely STOP going online here and on Forums, because I am avoiding interactions/going out in the "Real World" and I'm INTENTIONALLY AVOIDING making real friends or new contacts. I told him I am struggling with severe depression and have crying spells daily (he says this is an excuse)....I can barely leave the house let alone start networking, smiling with a bunch of strangers, many of these "Meetups" are in bars and drinking alcohol really effects my mood. Large groups of foreigners give me social anxiety. He suggests I get into a better routine (go out early every morning, go to the gym every single day, do class & work on my language studies all afternoon) He has this idea that a rigid/militant schedule (basically forcing myself to do things with brute force) will make the depression go away.

I feel totally invalidated by him and don't know what to do. He doesn't want to hear about my daily struggles - he cannot relate or offer emotional support. Is going on this Forum daily a BAD THING??? Like, longterm, will it make me worse & housebound?

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The does sound really invalidating. I'm sorry he is responding this way. Something I've learnt from my mum and family in general is a lot of people will take these really demanding attitudes when they care but are hugely incapable of responding in an appropriate manner or one thats helpful to us, which is their shit, not yours. I know thats not very helpful but maybe it can make it easier when you have to be dealing with that.
I don't think that its bad to use this forum daily. I have been for a little while now. I come & go as I feel the need. It might become a problem if you need to be on the forum, if you're checking it during times you're spending with your husband or avoiding things you can do. But maybe my opinion doesn't matter because right now I sound so much like you. Only you can truely tell, if its helping you or allowing your to avoid stuff/making you feel worse.

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8 hours ago, Remnants said:

The does sound really invalidating. I'm sorry he is responding this way. Something I've learnt from my mum and family in general is a lot of people will take these really demanding attitudes when they care but are hugely incapable of responding in an appropriate manner or one thats helpful to us, which is their shit, not yours. I know thats not very helpful but maybe it can make it easier when you have to be dealing with that.
I don't think that its bad to use this forum daily. I have been for a little while now. I come & go as I feel the need. It might become a problem if you need to be on the forum, if you're checking it during times you're spending with your husband or avoiding things you can do. But maybe my opinion doesn't matter because right now I sound so much like you. Only you can truely tell, if its helping you or allowing your to avoid stuff/making you feel worse.

Thank you. I am feeling so depressed and alone. My husband is one of those totally incapable people. He is a robot when  I feel depressed.

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I agree. Really invalidating. Like remnants said, if it becomes something that takes number 1 priority over everything (spending time with your husband, showering, eating, grocery shopping) then you might want to tone it down. I'm on CB and chat most of the day. Usually not active but I do always have them open so I can pop in. It's a great place for support and to not make me feel lonely in my symptoms. Sometimes it even gives me courage to do things I wouldn't do or bring up things I normally wouldn't to tdoc or pdoc. 

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Cloud, I say this with all due respect to your husband: he has no. fucking. idea. what he's talking about. He's giving you a slightly more high-tech version of "pull yourself up by your bootstraps." "Just get over it" has been the bane of our existence as a community-and make no mistake, the mentally interesting constitute a valid community-for as long as there have been depressed people.

Forums like this exist to offer support and understanding to people who can't get it anywhere else. You have every right to support and understanding. It is vital not to feel alone in the world. Having no support just makes everything so much harder.

You are the one who gets to decide when you're ready to see people, and how, and you are the one who decides how to structure your day. If your husband doesn't understand, doesn't want to understand, you stay here as long as you need us.

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With all due respect your husband is annoying. Tell him to worry about himself right now, you have to do right now to get you through the day.. He obvi isn't giving you the support you need. As far as an addiction , this is your support group. So it's not. But if it's keeping you from doing certain things in your life.. then maybe. But regardless. Tell him to calm his balls

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  • 2 weeks later...

My therapist is worried I use the internet similarly. But personally, I feel like if it gives you comfort, do it. Depression (and any other mental illness) doesn't go away with brute strength. This stuff is debilitating. It's not just normal sadness. Sounds like your husband doesn't understand what you're dealing with

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Internet fora is what I do when I don't have anything else to do or when I'm procrastinating. I do like to check in CB several times a day, but other fora it's just a matter of not wanting to be bored. Sometimes, though, I go to certain specific forums for help and don't hang around.

I don't let it interfere with my life though. If it did then I think it would be a problem.

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Cloudmonger -

All things in moderation. Visiting the boars here and participating with other people online can certainly be therapeutic, and is a form of social engagement. There is nothing whatever wrong with that. Especially if it provides you with a sense of connection to other people of like mind, you should take advantage of the opportunity.

If you find yourself doing it to the exclusion of other activities, or as a substitute for engaging people in your life, then that could be a sign that you should balance your online and offline worlds. While your husband may have entirely the wrong idea about how to go about dealing with your depression and social anxiety, I might gently challenge you to ask yourself: Is anything that he says true? Do you avoid meeting people? Do you avoid exercising? (God knows I do.) Is it possible that the extreme and overbearing way that he forces the point on you makes it too difficult to see whether there's anything useful in what he's saying?

Take the exercise, for example (you have no idea what a hypocrite I am for saying this). It is universally accepted that exercise lifts mood and eases depression. It just does. That doesn't make it any easier to get started, or to do it on a regular basis, or God and His angels forbid, make it a habit. I laugh at the notion of exercising every day. Does laughing count as exercise? Maybe I'm not laughing - I haven't actually laughed in so long I forget. Anyway. The point is, you might decide to do something like exercise in moderation in a way that you find workable and suitable for you, without going the BOOYAH! route your husband seems to believe is necessary.

So visit your forums reasonably and don't worry about it. And maybe take a walk later. Maybe.

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