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Hey, none of you know me since I'm new here but I hope that doesn't stop anyone from posting!

I was diagnosed as bipolar 1 and had been in and out of the hospital repeatedly in my teenage years and a couple times as a young adult. I'm now almost in my 30s and have been in remission for about 3 years now without medication. Because of that I kind of pushed my diagnosis to the side and shrugged it off as teenage turmoils as I was perfectly fine. If I was perfectly fine for so long without medication there could be no way I had any sort of mental illness right? Well apparently I was wrong.

I seem to be starting to get a little too elevated, according to my wife. I don't feel like it's a problem but she would kind of have a better idea than me as to how I'm portraying myself outwardly. I'm getting little sleep, honestly if it were up to me I wouldn't even be trying to sleep but she convinces me to try. I'll fall asleep eventually after laying there tapping my fingers and rolling around but then I just wake up over and over and then get out of bed as soon as I figure it's not too early to do so. I cannot sit still, I'm pretty sure if someone was next to me with a gun to my head told me to not move I'd either explode from inner restlessness or fail miserably at staying still. I can't think....Well that's a lie. I can't think properly because I'm thinking too much. It's like my mind is a dog outside for the first time, I'll be thinking about a task I'm working on and then SQUIRREL! I'm thinking about some random other thing and this is happening like 10 times a minute. Like, things are going so fast I'm having trouble understanding my own thought process, it's like sitting in a crowded restaurant and you just catch snippets of other people's conversations and you're trying to piece it all together. Because of that I cannot stop talking once I start, so I try not to start but that's pretty hard when everyone wants to talk to you, you know? I mean, why wouldn't anyone want to talk to me, I'm a pretty fun guy to be around. I was starting to hear whispering voices while I was laying in bed last night, but I managed to get a decent amount of sleep (about 5 hours) and they've been gone since. I'm going to say that was probably because I hadn't slept much in awhile.

Anyways, the problem is that since I got "better" we moved out into the country because we wanted a low stress slower paced kind of place to raise our kids. Since I was doing better I never got around to finding a doctor of any variety. I don't have a general practitioner or a psychiatrist I can go to. Since I live in Canada-land I would first need to find a general practitioner, do intake, then get referred to a psychiatrist (which would be far far away) and those wait lists are usually months and months long. So there is no way that I can see a psychiatrist any time in the immediate future.

 

So in short my question to you guys is is there anything I can do myself that might curb things before they get out of hand? Does it sound like there's even a problem or is maybe my wife overreacting?

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It certainly sounds like you're having sone problems and I don't think your wife is exaggerating them. I'd get on the GP - pdoc (psychiatrist) route sooner rather than later.

Is there anyhing you've tried before that has helped you relax a bit? Maybe something sedating you can buy over the counter would do you well, help you get some sleep and slow the old brain down. Not being Canadian I don't know what's available to you, but I used to use doxylamine before I got lorazepam. Might not help, but it did the job for me for a few weeks.

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Having a partner who sees how you are behaving can be helpful when you may lack the insight that something is wrong. I do understand the feeling of inner restlessness.

I don't know where you are in Canada. Where I live I am close to two world class mental health centres- Ontario Shores, and the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health.

List of Ontario Mental Health services

I am not sure where you are. I have experienced trying to find help in rural Ontario and it is a giant pain in the ass.

 

Edited by wookie
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Is there some sort of emergency care available to expedite a referral?  Honestly I don't think your wife is overreacting and in my experience this stuff escalates. Then what are the options?  Now, or if/when things get out of hand?  The sooner you start, the sooner you'll get somewhere, so start the process before you get to the point it's a crisis. And I'd check out crisis options in advance. Are there options for video conference care where you are?  I have no idea but in some places that's a trend. This doesn't sound likely to just go away so maybe best to get started now so at least the wheels can start turning. I'm not Canadian but have Canadian friends who've had expedited referrals for other conditions, I hope that might be an option, but the longer you wait, the longer it will take. I know waits are hard, I hope your wife can help you take whatever steps are needed. 

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4 hours ago, TreeMan said:

So there is no way that I can see a psychiatrist any time in the immediate future.

Can you be on a cancellation list?

How long do you think will it take to see a GP?  For me, if I have been seeing a DR (any), and then have to switch to a new one (ie GP to a new GP), I am considered a "new patient," and the initial appts for those type of appts can be months out.  So I would call as soon as you can.

 

I think your wife has some great insight.

4 hours ago, TreeMan said:

Anyways, the problem is that since I got "better" we moved out into the country because we wanted a low stress slower paced kind of place to raise our kids.

Do you think moving to the country stressed you out at all (even without realizing it)?  Why do you think you were better when not in the country vs now?

(You posted you were doing better , then moved into the country, which started you to not feel better again  ... am I reading that right?)

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Thank you for all your replies!

I looked around for that doxylamine stuff yesterday and it doesn't seem like something that's readily available in my area so that was a no go. I never really came up with ways to settle myself down from this state because back when I was ill it was always either being manic or depressed, I was never between them. I much preferred being anything but depressed so I never even tried to stop myself when I was like this...

I'm not sure of a way to expedite referrals other than being inpatient, which I am absolutely not willing to do. I'm going to be starting the process as soon as I get a chance, we'll see how it goes I guess.

Hey Melissaw,

I think I may not have written my post in the most cohesive of ways. What I meant was that I wasn't doing great and then we moved. I credit the slower paced low stress lifestyle we've come to know as being what kept me well for so long. I even changed careers to something I enjoy that's low stress, albeit lowered pay. Thinking back I had a few blips here and there in the past few years where my moods either lifted or dipped for a couple days. No episodes though until now, it's been weeks like this so far.

 

For a few hours yesterday I felt like I was back to normal. I don't know if that was just to me though. So far this morning it's like a combination of superhuman restlessness and sensory overload. I feel like if I don't get out and run a marathon I'm going to burst out of my own skin, but at the same time I would kill for some silence from the outside and from my own thoughts.

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