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how to reality test when hypo/manic?


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I met with my tdoc twice this week because I'm coming down (sorta) from mania. I was really dissatisfied with how she and pdoc were so difficult to reach last week when I was manic. I felt like they weren't taking my symptoms seriously. I've been angry about this because I felt they could have treated me more aggressively. I was really close to losing touch with reality completely.

Also, today when I met tdoc I told her I was annoyed that she thinks I was only hypomanic, not manic, just cos she didn't see me manic. She told me that I misheard her, and that actually I've misheard a lot of what she has said (what she really said, apparently, is just that she can't be 100% sure I was full-blown manic). She thinks that when manic/hypomanic my brain filters things out in such a way that I start feeling angry/irritable towards people. This is totally true by the way... it's a classic manic symptom for me to think others are thinking negative thoughts about me. I also get really impatient and don't want to wait to hear back, so if there is a long gap of silence between texts/emails I get super frustrated.

So who is right? Tdoc who thinks my irritability is a symptom, or me thinking tdoc+pdoc did a crappy job of handling my episode? How do I even start reality testing for something like this? My friends and family only know my side of the story so they are on my side. But what if this is some kind of manic funhouse mirror and my anger towards tdoc+pdoc is caused by the mania? I'm so confused!

Edit: Also... I just reread this post and I realized I'm all over the place. I hope this makes some sense.

Edited by aura
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 (what she really said, apparently, is just that she can't be 100% sure I was full-blown manic). 

Instead of asking the court recorder to read back the transcript of your last session, maybe ask yourself and t-doc what your personal signs of mania are, agree that they're serious, and discuss what the best way to deal with it is. Also maybe discuss other things that might be causing what you think are manic symptoms and how to distinguish . . . And, hey, mishearing shit can be one of your symptoms of mania, so if you misheard her, that just means you were manic. :-)

Also, I don't give much of a crap about my t-doc when I'm manic. I go straight to p-doc because therapy has never done anything for my mania. 

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This does sound like it could be a symptom, just from what you have said about yourself, even ignoring what your tdoc said. As for how to reality test this, one thing to do might be to see if you are reacting to multiple people the same way; the more people you react to in a similar fashion, the more likely it is a symptom.

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4 hours ago, ovOidampUle said:

 (what she really said, apparently, is just that she can't be 100% sure I was full-blown manic). 

Instead of asking the court recorder to read back the transcript of your last session, maybe ask yourself and t-doc what your personal signs of mania are, agree that they're serious, and discuss what the best way to deal with it is. Also maybe discuss other things that might be causing what you think are manic symptoms and how to distinguish . . . And, hey, mishearing shit can be one of your symptoms of mania, so if you misheard her, that just means you were manic. :-)

Also, I don't give much of a crap about my t-doc when I'm manic. I go straight to p-doc because therapy has never done anything for my mania. 

I went to pdoc too, but he was super annoying to get in touch with. Tdoc and pdoc work closely together though so sometimes they coordinate. Not this time.

2 hours ago, Closure said:

This does sound like it could be a symptom, just from what you have said about yourself, even ignoring what your tdoc said. As for how to reality test this, one thing to do might be to see if you are reacting to multiple people the same way; the more people you react to in a similar fashion, the more likely it is a symptom.

Oddly enough my fiancee, who I also get super irritable with when manic, doesn't think the way I'm challenging my doctors is a symptom. The more I think about it, though, the more I think it must be. The fact that I can't rely on other people to figure out if my anger is justified makes things really tricky.

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5 hours ago, aura said:

what she really said, apparently, is just that she can't be 100% sure I was full-blown manic).

Would she have believed you if she she saw you? Kind of like "seeing is believing."  I hate that.

5 hours ago, aura said:

So who is right? Tdoc who thinks my irritability is a symptom, or me thinking tdoc+pdoc did a crappy job of handling my episode?

I guess it could be either, but I think that the irritability is because tdoc and pdoc ?don't seem to be listening? (or something like that?) ... does that make sense? 

(I might be biased about that though because I am in a similar situation where my pdoc doesn't believe me that what I hear is to the intensity it is.  He told me if someone else was there with me and heard it, then he'd believe me).  Kind of like with you, where tdoc and pdoc don't believe the hypo was actual mania because they weren't there to see it. (if I am understanding you the right way).

The irritability could also be a symptom as well ... however, maybe the irritability could be from both things, not just one of them (both as a symptom and because they did a crappy job handling this).

I am not sure of how to reality check, other than others noticing things you say/do/etc.

Just some thoughts.

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