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How do you bounce back after a manic episode?


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I've had plenty of manic episodes and have been hospitalized numerous times. But,most of those times,only close family members knew. Although, others didn't see me in that state,I still was so embarrassed. The things I did and said haunted me for years. Well,recently I had a full blown "public" manic episode that lasted for some time. During this time,I did things I would NEVER do. Lots of partying,drinking,fooling around with guys half my age,sending naked photos of myself to men,pursuing a relationship with another woman,having phone sex and playing 50 shades of gray with one man,that's just to name a few. Oh,did I mention that I'm MARRIED! Once I finally came crashing down...it involved cops,firetrucks,ambulances,a knife,a gun,jumping out a car,running across traffic on a busy interstate,hallucinations, delusions,me destroying my house,my family and my life. How do you come back from that? Everyone knows,you can't keep that secret in a small town. That was 10 months ago and I literally haven't left my house since. I barely get out of bed. I feel so humiliated and ashamed. How can I ever get my life back after this? Sometimes I think maybe I just need to move,but I'd hate to leave my parents. At this point,I don't know what to do...I feel as if my life is over.

Edited by Dixiechick
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Hey Dixie, What a ride you had, It happens to the best of us Bipolar's .. I can say i did about 1/6th of what you did.. and i did feel ashamed at one point but then i said, hey It's life .. shit gets complicated and esp for us it is a little more complex . Your life isn't over , you just have to work on now, taking care of yourself and not getting too deep into a depression. Don't get sucked up into that black hole.  The important thing now... is that you are alive . And you can get your life back. It's never too late. I am sort of a hypocrite because I am soo depressed and stuff and really my life is in the shitter right now.I l live in a small town as well and everyone knows i slipped thru the cracks but fuck people, let them talk. they have nothing better to do. Just don't lose hope. Try to find something that keeps you going. Good Luck!

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I'm sorry you have been struggling ... you've been through a lot. 

 

3 hours ago, Dixiechick said:

That was 10 months ago and I literally haven't left my house since. I barely get out of bed.

After all of this, if it were me, I would be headed to the black pit of depression, which it sounds like you might be right now.

 

3 hours ago, Dixiechick said:

How can I ever get my life back after this?

For me, sometimes it is a matter of time passing that makes things better (not necessarily back to normal, just more normal than it was when everything happened).  Things do get better with time, at least for me (not everything, but enough to go on with life).  How much time?  I think it varies.  I think that you might remember it more than others because it affected you and you went through it ... others might remember also, but not as much as you going through it.  If that makes sense.  I don't think your life is over.  Embarrassing things happen in life.. Everyone has probably been through those things at one time or another.  And given time things do get better.

You aren't alone in this.

Do you have a therapist (tdoc) or psychiatrist (pdoc) that is/are treating you?

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Thanks for the encouraging words,it really means a lot. All the things I did while manic,play over in my head every second of everyday. I hate myself for most of it,but I realize I wasn't in my right mind...that wasn't me at all. I guess I'm just more worried about what everyone else thinks. Yes,I would say I'm mildly depressed,I've mainly secluded myself from everyone. But,I'm not severely depressed where I can't function (been there many times). I'm mostly just embarrassed and I don't want to show my face. Yes,I've been under a psychiatrist's care since I was 13. I've always been on meds when these episodes happen. Currently,I'm on 900mg Lithium,1000mg of Depakote,300mg of Welbrutrin and 30mg of Restoril. I've been to therapy in the past,I'm considering going again to work thru this.

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1 hour ago, Dixiechick said:

I hate myself for most of it,but I realize I wasn't in my right mind...that wasn't me at all.

Exactly right ... I feel the same way about when I did things that were based on delusions and hallucinations ... it was out of my control, and I was delusional, and wasn't on the right meds. 

1 hour ago, Dixiechick said:

I guess I'm just more worried about what everyone else thinks

I worry about this too.  But at one point later down the line, I decided fuck what others think of me.  They aren't me, they don't know why things happened, so who are they to judge, you know?

1 hour ago, Dixiechick said:

I've always been on meds when these episodes happen.

You might not have been on the right meds/doses.  It usually takes awhile on the med-go-round to find the right cocktail of meds that works.  It took years for me to finally find one. I still need tweaks here and there, but overall the meds have stayed the same for awhile now.

1 hour ago, Dixiechick said:

I've been to therapy in the past,I'm considering going again to work thru this.

I really think this is a great idea.

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On 2/22/2017 at 2:55 PM, KnickNak said:

 

Hey Dixie, What a ride you had, It happens to the best of us Bipolar's .. I can say i did about 1/6th of what you did.. and i did feel ashamed at one point but then i said, hey It's life .. shit gets complicated and esp for us it is a little more complex . Your life isn't over , you just have to work on now, taking care of yourself and not getting too deep into a depression. Don't get sucked up into that black hole.  The important thing now... is that you are alive . And you can get your life back. It's never too late. I am sort of a hypocrite because I am soo depressed and stuff and really my life is in the shitter right now.I l live in a small town as well and everyone knows i slipped thru the cracks but fuck people, let them talk. they have nothing better to do. Just don't lose hope. Try to find something that keeps you going. Good Luck!

Well,today I decided to drag my ass out of bed,get dressed and go out in "public." I got a pedicure,did a little shopping and had lunch with my mom. It felt really good to get out. I was a little scared driving,since I hadn't done it in months,but I made it. I will say,I was very fearful of running into someone I knew,luckily I didn't though! Thank y'all for the encouragement,it really helped me take this first step forward today!!

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1 hour ago, Dixiechick said:

Well,today I decided to drag my ass out of bed,get dressed and go out in "public." I got a pedicure,did a little shopping and had lunch with my mom. It felt really good to get out. I was a little scared driving,since I hadn't done it in months,but I made it. I will say,I was very fearful of running into someone I knew,luckily I didn't though! Thank y'all for the encouragement,it really helped me take this first step forward today!!

That is awesome. Dixie!! sometimes just getting dressed or " dolled up" makes me feel better. oh man.. it took me a while to get used to driving, to this day I am still not 100% confident how I used to be driving. Good for you tho! that's a huge step, bravo! Little things like this.. will have huge impacts and make you feel good. :) 

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5 hours ago, Dixiechick said:

Well,today I decided to drag my ass out of bed,get dressed and go out in "public." I got a pedicure,did a little shopping and had lunch with my mom. It felt really good to get out. I was a little scared driving,since I hadn't done it in months,but I made it. I will say,I was very fearful of running into someone I knew,luckily I didn't though! Thank y'all for the encouragement,it really helped me take this first step forward today!!

That is great!  I'm so glad you were able to get out of the house!  One step at a time :)

And if you do run into others, I would pretend and and go on with the conversation.  I do this (personally) because when symptomatic and doing embarrassing things, I forget most of what I have done because I wasn't in the right mind when everything happened.  I may have done terrible things, but while without meds at the time, my memory is gone. So I would say 'hi' and smile to the people and keep in mind you don't remember much from it (details), and If they do bring it up, I'd say something like, 'that was a bad time in my life that I don't remember much of and I am passed that now.'

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On 2/24/2017 at 4:23 PM, Cale said:

it was you. you must realize, the manic episodes are part of you.

Mania is a symptom of a illness. Nobody thinks someone with cancer has cancer as part of their id. Yes, you are influenced by your experiences, but you are not the illness in and of itself.

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6 hours ago, crtclms said:

Nobody thinks someone with cancer has cancer as part of their id.

 

1 hour ago, Cale said:

cancer becomes part of them.

 

I agree with @crtclms ... People with cancer don't have cancer as part of their ID.  They might be going through it, but it doesn't say who they are.

 It is an illness.  It is not a part of them ... they don't identify themselves by it. 

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One more vote for therapy. A therapist can help you come to terms with the past, make goals for the future, develop some better coping skills.

You may not be able to get back to where you were. I don't know. That is something therapy can help you determine. But, you can rebuild. I am not where I was, but I feel like i am in a better place in many ways.

When I think about losses it just makes me sad. I imagine it is much worse when they are so fresh. Some people can set a "worry time" where they will only allow themselves to think about certain concerns at a set time of day and journal. I can't do that. The thoughts keep drifting into my consciousness. But, if that is something that would help you stay in the present, it is one idea.

 

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