Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

:Trigger: Possible trigger :Trigger:

I've relapsed after a long stretch. Luckily I don't have any "tools" anymore...but I ended up using whatever I could find.

Anyway, the point of this post is this. Are there others who just "scratch" themselves instead of deeply cut? By scratching I mean using some thin and sharp like a razor to just cut deep enough to see blood. I have cut slightly deeper before when really angry. When I SI I want to see blood. Also, I find shallow cuts (think paper cut) hurt enough for me, especially when I press on them after bandaging everything up.  My recent experience was different because I "cut" the top of my wrist. That made it noticeable (I don't have many long sleeved garments.) No one has said anything and right now it has healed up a lot to the point that you wouldn't really notice it unless the light hit it a certain way. What do you say if someone notices? I can't wear most tank tops because they reveal more of your chest and I do have some scars there. So I wear them at home.

Anyway, does anyone do the same thing? I also press on bruises to make them larger, hit myself (slap my face until it is swollen), bite myself until it hurts (never broke the skin), use my nails to scratch my face....Sorry. I just feel alone and like I screwed up again. Doesn't help that I was going through two relationship fails at once (not romantic.)

Also, does anyone else find the "clean up" process soothing? I find that when I disinfect and bandage up my cuts it is almost like self-soothing. Like I am doing something nice for myself. Sick, right? 

I guess I just needed to let this out. I don't want to feel alone in this fight, but I don't wish it on anyone either. I just feel like one twisted puppy.

Poem

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry you've felt so crappy you've come back to this. What s going on for you? Why do you think I these relationships have failed?

I started self harming with scratches, then they go worse. I feel like sometimes scratches can hurt more than deep cuts, at least for me. Plus there's the safety & scarless aspect of shallow wounds so I think it's a good choice. I've also done a bunch of other non-skin breaking things like biting & clawing at myself in an attempt to sooth myself when I've not wanted or been able to cut. There's so many different forms of self harm so you're definitely not alone.

These days I have fairly obvious scars all over my arm but no one ever asks. I guess it's either obvious, people don't want to go there or they don't notice. We notice & other self harmers notice. If you google funny things to say in response to self harm cuts, you will probably find some funny choices to keep in your mind if you really want an option.

I have at various points also found the clean up to be as you say, sort of like caring for myself. Most of the time I leave them & don't do anything, like I don't deserve it but you're definitely not alone there either.

Do you have any Tdoc or Pdoc or anyone else support? We're here for you if we can help at all too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Remnants

Thanks for your reply. It seems like we do the same things when it comes to SI. I've just been having a rough time because:

1. I got entangled with a narcissist, and finally broke free. It has probably been close to a month now, but they seriously screwed with my head and emotions.

2. My therapist left. The one person I felt comfortable talking to...left.

I am doing better now, and though I have painful flashbacks or sadness due to my Tdoc leaving, I have been able to keep away from SI for the most part. I did end up drinking one week...which basically is the same for me, though.

I did as you suggested and looked up some lines. OMG. Some were so twisted! I could just imagine the faces of people I know if I told them something like that! :lol:

I am grateful for your support. I hope you are having a SI free time.

Poem

 

 

 

Edited by Poem
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry you had two really difficult things happen at the same time. It's so hard to loose a Tdoc you trust & have to try to find someone, then build that trust again. On top of dealing with someone I'm assuming what quiet manipulative. It's understandable you resorted to old coping strategies.

Yeah, I've always wanted the opportunity to say some of them, but also thankfully never have had to.

I'm glad you're doing better. Please feel free to post here whenever you need. It's a safe place & there are some really lovely people about.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...
On 2/22/2017 at 5:09 PM, Poem said:

:Trigger: Possible trigger :Trigger:

I've relapsed after a long stretch. Luckily I don't have any "tools" anymore...but I ended up using whatever I could find.

Anyway, the point of this post is this. Are there others who just "scratch" themselves instead of deeply cut? By scratching I mean using some thin and sharp like a razor to just cut deep enough to see blood. I have cut slightly deeper before when really angry. When I SI I want to see blood. Also, I find shallow cuts (think paper cut) hurt enough for me, especially when I press on them after bandaging everything up.  My recent experience was different because I "cut" the top of my wrist. That made it noticeable (I don't have many long sleeved garments.) No one has said anything and right now it has healed up a lot to the point that you wouldn't really notice it unless the light hit it a certain way. What do you say if someone notices? I can't wear most tank tops because they reveal more of your chest and I do have some scars there. So I wear them at home.

Anyway, does anyone do the same thing? I also press on bruises to make them larger, hit myself (slap my face until it is swollen), bite myself until it hurts (never broke the skin), use my nails to scratch my face....Sorry. I just feel alone and like I screwed up again. Doesn't help that I was going through two relationship fails at once (not romantic.)

Also, does anyone else find the "clean up" process soothing? I find that when I disinfect and bandage up my cuts it is almost like self-soothing. Like I am doing something nice for myself. Sick, right? 

I guess I just needed to let this out. I don't want to feel alone in this fight, but I don't wish it on anyone either. I just feel like one twisted puppy.

Poem

I never really "scratched". I din't even start out scratching. My first ones were even kind of deep. But I bruise myself and and I bite myself too. 

And yes I think the cleanup is nice. It's like you're taking care of yourself. Like a kitty licking your own wounds

 

Edited by vfifii
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...