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*expletives* no meds *more friggin expletives*


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My lithium has been on hold for the last month and a half. The rest of my meds have been tapered and DC.  (I was surprised at that since my last pdoc liked to go cold turkey. Anyways, it has been quite frankly, pure torment. I have NOT had the full body buzzing/humming/vibrating that typically happens when it feels like I'm slipping into mania so maybe I shouldn't complain too much. Or maybe that was due to meds I don't know. I HAVE been awful to be around. Almost vicious. Hair trigger ticking time bomb. I have one week left of this then I should be able to start everything again. Sleep study March 2-3. 

I have not been able to tolerate social interaction. (Not that fond of it medicated. Puts me out of my comfort zone) being around people in general puts me on edge and makes me tense, but this is worse because I am finding it hard to be around my own family. I am scared of snapping. Of saying or doing something I may regret. I knew this would be hard.....I just forgot how hard it was before I guess? I just do not feel like myself. I have a horrible temper, although I haven't destroyed my kitchen again.....last week I kind of cracked. My kiddos were bombarding me with chatter and wouldn't stop. Eventually I finally just burst into song! I don't sing. Can't. Yet that night I was singing everything I said to the kids and husband.  I think I was partially delirious so so that probably didn't help. I do suppose it's better than screaming and yelling though...scared one of my oldest boys and weirded out the hubs. 

I just feel....rabid. like, I wouldn't be surprised if foaming at the mouth started. 

Also, off and on I have felt really strange. As if life isn't real. It feels like I'm merely observing through someone else's eyes. What is that?!

I am trying to hold on and hang in there but this is so hard!!!!

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That must be so hard!  I can't even imagine how it feels to be off of meds, and all that you are feeling and going through!

Have you been off of meds for a time period so you can get tested for narcolepsy?  My neuro wanted me to do that (get tested for narcolepsy) and said I couldn't go off of meds for 2 weeks, that it would mess up the results.  I think he ended up diagnosing me with hypersomnia.

I know March 2-3 is a week away, but it is a very long time (IMO) if I wasn't on meds.  How long have you been off of them for? 

I want to say "hang in there," but that might seem realistically impossible right now.

Keep posting ... vent as much as you want here.

 

 

 

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I saw my new pdoc mid January. He said if I thought I could handle it then he would support my tapering for the second test. I had a follow-up this week with someone under him to see how I was doing, but I didn't know her you know? 

I've been off lithium since January and everything else I dc on the 16th of Feb. Just one more week. I try to look at it in the sense that it's going to come and go regardless and I have made it this long.

In therapy I had done well enough to have my appts taken from once a week to once a month, but she asked if I needed to schedule sooner and I said yes. We shall see how that goes. 

And zoloft withdrawals really bite! Lol

The brain zaps are enough to drive anyone nuts I think!

I am going to try and tough it out, I just know I don't want to do this again.

I am still learning about bipolar so I was wondering, if I'm not feeling quite manic or anything but just honestly more or less *hateful* with periodic depression, would it be possible for there to be a misdiagnosis? Most of the high energy stuff I have felt has been when I was on various meds. Although I have felt euphoria and some of the other stuff on rare occassion...so idk. It's just pure curiosity there.

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21 minutes ago, Rabidtears said:

I saw my new pdoc mid January. He said if I thought I could handle it then he would support my tapering for the second test. I had a follow-up this week with someone under him to see how I was doing, but I didn't know her you know? 

Yes, I do know exactly.  Talking to someone who has no clue is very hard, and IMO doesn't get me anywhere.

I'm glad you have the option if seeing your tdoc more often.

I've heard good/bad experiences about zoloft.  I've never been on it though, so I can't relate to that.  I have had brain zaps before though and I hated them.

25 minutes ago, Rabidtears said:

I am still learning about bipolar so I was wondering, if I'm not feeling quite manic or anything but just honestly more or less *hateful* with periodic depression, would it be possible for there to be a misdiagnosis?

I honestly don't know.  With bipolar, symptoms can be all over the place, making it hard to know what is related to it or not.

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