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faster than the Indy 500!  I posted earlier about my previous experiences a long time ago and my appointment yesterday with my tdoc.  Well, this has brought a lot of experiences up to the surface that I chose to delete from my mind a long time ago, and it is causing some problems today.  My mind is starting to go into overdrive.  My next tdoc appt is not for 3 weeks, but I feel another piece of the puzzle falling into place in my confusing mind, but it is teetering on a dangerous edge.  I so feel that I want to talk to her, but this is not an emergency but I can't wait 3 weeks either.  I just took some Xanax to see if I could slow myself down.  I'm not as racy, but I certainly don't want to start cycling and getting crabby and irrational or crazy busy.

My husband does not know of this, and it is a good damn thing I am good at stuffing things way, way down deep.

For whatever reason, I feel like talking to the tdoc and expunging my record.  Am I making any sense at all???  Should I call the tdoc today and leave her a vm or should I just wait until Monday?  Or should I just take another Xanax and see if that helps?  I only took .25 mg about a half hour ago...

Why is life so confusing?

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Hey Anne,

I feel your pain. After 20 years (and I'm 27) of BP1 with other mentally interesting features, I totally know where you are coming from about the thoughts. Thoughts are my most major symptom.

Make a list of all the things you are thinking. Just write them down. Whatever they are, just write free-form. Call your tdoc and if he/she is unavailable, call a friend/support line/write on CB if you are too afraid to talk to hubby. Sometimes hubbies aren't really the ones to talk to anyway. I understand. My ex-hubby was just as whacked as me.

Take more Xanax. It is good for you.  ;)

-----------loon in love with Klonopin---------

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Make a list of all the things you are thinking. Just write them down. Whatever they are, just write free-form. Call your tdoc and if he/she is unavailable, call a friend/support line/write on CB if you are too afraid to talk to hubby.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Writing is something that helps me when I am dealing with racing thoughts.  I don't know why, but it seems to help to get them out by externalizing them.  Also, talking to someone that will just sit there and listen.  And some Xanax probably wouldn't hurt either.

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I'm supporting the above posts. I hate writing in general, but I had a bad episode last week. A couple of days after therapy, suddenly without warning memories began surfacing. Two weeks til next appt. A very long good cry helped (as did checking the CB obsessively), but what I found most helpful was making notes to take to the appt. I didn't spell everything out - no need for that - just made a couple of prompts that I might - or might not - want to talk about. I may not be ready yet.

Xanax is good. Pdoc is having me taper down. Not fun.

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Hey, Anne, how are you doing in this new and lovely week?  Have your thoughts slowed down a bit, or are you still trying to keep up with a full hive of enraged honeybees?  Let us know how you're coping. 

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I am doing somewhat better, thank you for asking  ;) The racing has slowed down, but some of the anxiety is persisting along with some of that negative thinking; but nothing that I don't feel I have a grip on right now.  I did call the tdoc and told her I did not want to wait until Feb 17 until my next appt.  She said she'd call me if she got a cancellation; otherwise I did reschedule to Feb 7.  I am SUCH a control freak that I panic when I start to feel things are going awry.

Thanks for everyone for your help, concern and suggestions!

I am going to sit down before my next tdoc appt and write all down. 

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