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Please bear with me, my situation is multi-faceted I'll try to be concise

diagnosed with complex PTSD, borderline personality disorder (basically interrelated let's face it) have had suicidal depression in the past but zero depression atm

ive spent the last 10 years abusing drugs.  Lots of alcohol, pills, etc.. Last two years have been on and off IV heroin with periods of suboxone maintenance, also regularly smoking crack and IV cocaine.  I share all this to emphasize that my drug use was pretty severe.  I'm coming up on three months clean through a 12 step program

long medication history, high high doses of Thorazine, Zyprexa, many ssris, lithium, depakote, prolixin, the list is extensive.  I worry that I'll never be chemically normal again

stopped Zoloft and Abilify when I got sober, now on 200mg topamax, 150mg Lamictal (300 target), 60mg baclofen and 2mg stelazine prn for emergencies

pure rage, over tiny things, I've broken several objects in my apt, it's like I see red.  More than irritability.  Is this part of early sobriety?  Part of stopping certain meds and will clear up?  Will a higher dose of Lamictal help and I just need to be patient?  

I stopped the ssris and Abilify because I couldn't feel any emotions whatsoever and I refuse to believe that my only options are numbness and rage

sorry for the length thanks for any feedback

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Congratulations on making it 3 months clean! That is quite an accomplishment given your history. I'm willing to bet that the rage comes from getting clean after your body was used to all those drugs. Abilify and Zyprexa are not known to cause rage upon stopping. I also doubt that the other meds are the cause of your rage. Also, please note that some believe that long-term use of some hard drugs changes the brain in ways that is not good when coming clean.

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