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Hello,

Warning: This is a really long post.

The weird/bad stuff:

So, while my Schizoaffective Disorder is mainly controlled by 3mg of Risperdal twice a day, I still have some weird things happened that I was wondering if anyone else experienced. I hear people calling my name ALL OF THE TIME. I will literally be on the bus and someone will be on their phone through a Bluetooth or something and I will look up and say, "I'm sorry, how do you know my name?" or "Did you call me?" or something. I will be sitting alone and hear my name, watching TV and hear it on the TV, etc. Or I think people are talking to me when they are not. Same thing with people on the bus, walking down the street, etc. I just hear things that are really not directed at me. One time I thought a woman said I dropped my money. I looked around and asked her what she said. She looked at me like I had thirteen heads.

Also, I still hear voices sometimes. They are triggered by certain things. I don't self-harm any more, but on the rare occasion that I do decide to shave my face, they ramp up. Or if I see any razors in the house. Also, in the bathroom, when I'm alone(which is a lot!), when I'm under stress, or if I don't get a lot of sleep. They aren't as intense as they were before. They are more...random. I've started to hear a British voice. I have NO idea what the hell that is about. I have just random chatter that pops in sometimes. They used to be more direct, more command hallucinations. Now it's more like this...hmm. I'll be totally fine and in comes the most random shit. I'll just be sitting there and, I wish I had an example but it's 5:40 am and I can't think of one, but a voice will be like, "Hawaii has warm weather and there's a chicken in the cupboard." What?? 

Another thing. I get random delusional/paranoid/strange thoughts. I KNOW THEY ARE NOT REAL. My brain has this ongoing fight with me that my room mates have cameras in the house and they are watching me to make sure I am doing well. I counter them with fact checking. I'd see the cameras, it's not realistic, etc. My brain also tells me that my room mate is watching my browsing history, what I type, my journal entries on the computer, because I am borrowing her computer and somehow she can control that. Also, IT'S NOT REAL. But that thought pops into my head CONSTANTLY.

More stuff. I am afraid aliens are going to abduct me. I've had that fear since I was a kid. I am afraid that if I think about it they will just show up and take me! I kind of have this delusion that they or some other supreme being are in my head constantly. So, I've started praying. I feel like if I don't pray before I eat bad stuff will happen. I feel like when I do pray, good things happen. When I don't, bad things happen. Somehow, that it is connected to aliens because that is somehow connected to the all powerful supreme being. I feel like they are in control of everything and I am being controlled and punished. It is TOTALLY DELUSIONAL AND NOT REAL. Ugh. 

The Good:

Depression wise, I am doing the best I have in almost 6-7 years. My command hallucinations are under control, my suicidal urges are under control. I am motivated, taking care of my activities of daily living. I help my room mates take care of their animals, I do chores, I make appointments, I pretty much go somewhere in the city where I live via public transportation everyday despite my physical and mental health problems. I was in college and getting all A's, but had to withdrawal because of medical health problems. I am not letting my mental health issues stop me.

So, I am thinking about bringing this post to my therapist this Wednesday. Honest opinions, folks: good/bad idea? Will I get sent to a hospital? I didn't bring it up to my Psychiatrist last week because I was afraid of being involuntarily committed or put on a sedating medication. My Psychiatrist is really nice and said if I needed to see her sooner, I could. I told her about the voices and that I didn't want to be put on another medication. She said it was fine. However, I am afraid that these symptoms will get worse and debilitating. I want to catch them while they are at the stage where I can handle them. 

Thanks for reading!

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, LiamB said:

Hello,

Warning: This is a really long post.

The weird/bad stuff:

So, while my Schizoaffective Disorder is mainly controlled by 3mg of Risperdal twice a day, I still have some weird things happened that I was wondering if anyone else experienced. I hear people calling my name ALL OF THE TIME. I will literally be on the bus and someone will be on their phone through a Bluetooth or something and I will look up and say, "I'm sorry, how do you know my name?" or "Did you call me?" or something. I will be sitting alone and hear my name, watching TV and hear it on the TV, etc. Or I think people are talking to me when they are not. Same thing with people on the bus, walking down the street, etc. I just hear things that are really not directed at me. One time I thought a woman said I dropped my money. I looked around and asked her what she said. She looked at me like I had thirteen heads.

Also, I still hear voices sometimes. They are triggered by certain things. I don't self-harm any more, but on the rare occasion that I do decide to shave my face, they ramp up. Or if I see any razors in the house. Also, in the bathroom, when I'm alone(which is a lot!), when I'm under stress, or if I don't get a lot of sleep. They aren't as intense as they were before. They are more...random. I've started to hear a British voice. I have NO idea what the hell that is about. I have just random chatter that pops in sometimes. They used to be more direct, more command hallucinations. Now it's more like this...hmm. I'll be totally fine and in comes the most random shit. I'll just be sitting there and, I wish I had an example but it's 5:40 am and I can't think of one, but a voice will be like, "Hawaii has warm weather and there's a chicken in the cupboard." What?? 

Another thing. I get random delusional/paranoid/strange thoughts. I KNOW THEY ARE NOT REAL. My brain has this ongoing fight with me that my room mates have cameras in the house and they are watching me to make sure I am doing well. I counter them with fact checking. I'd see the cameras, it's not realistic, etc. My brain also tells me that my room mate is watching my browsing history, what I type, my journal entries on the computer, because I am borrowing her computer and somehow she can control that. Also, IT'S NOT REAL. But that thought pops into my head CONSTANTLY.

More stuff. I am afraid aliens are going to abduct me. I've had that fear since I was a kid. I am afraid that if I think about it they will just show up and take me! I kind of have this delusion that they or some other supreme being are in my head constantly. So, I've started praying. I feel like if I don't pray before I eat bad stuff will happen. I feel like when I do pray, good things happen. When I don't, bad things happen. Somehow, that it is connected to aliens because that is somehow connected to the all powerful supreme being. I feel like they are in control of everything and I am being controlled and punished. It is TOTALLY DELUSIONAL AND NOT REAL. Ugh. 

The Good:

Depression wise, I am doing the best I have in almost 6-7 years. My command hallucinations are under control, my suicidal urges are under control. I am motivated, taking care of my activities of daily living. I help my room mates take care of their animals, I do chores, I make appointments, I pretty much go somewhere in the city where I live via public transportation everyday despite my physical and mental health problems. I was in college and getting all A's, but had to withdrawal because of medical health problems. I am not letting my mental health issues stop me.

So, I am thinking about bringing this post to my therapist this Wednesday. Honest opinions, folks: good/bad idea? Will I get sent to a hospital? I didn't bring it up to my Psychiatrist last week because I was afraid of being involuntarily committed or put on a sedating medication. My Psychiatrist is really nice and said if I needed to see her sooner, I could. I told her about the voices and that I didn't want to be put on another medication. She said it was fine. However, I am afraid that these symptoms will get worse and debilitating. I want to catch them while they are at the stage where I can handle them.

 

I can really empathize ... what you wrote sounds almost exactly what I went through when I was not on the right medications.  The hearing voices, delusions, And it is very frustrating and stressful to deal with.  I had the lack of sleep also, and same with me ... lack of sleep and stress will make them much worse.  They are very annoying also.  It just sucks anyway you look at it.

IMO it sounds like you might need a med adjustment/change/added.  Hearing your voice being called all the time, hearing voices, having delusions, being paranoid, etc ... I have been through it all.  Except ... I thought it was all real.  I didn't have insight then.  And the only thing that got rid of everything was going on medication.

(bold) The good thing is that you still have insight because you know things aren't real.

 

I'm glad you are doing well also.  That is always good news!

I think it would be an excellent idea to bring this post to your tdoc appt on Wednesday.  It explains things very well, precise, and to the point.  I think it will be much easier to start talking about things when you have stuff written down (IME).  Also, if you don't feel comfortable as to what to talk about at first, you could always hand your tdoc this post and ask her to read it.  Then go from there.

I doubt you will get sent to the hospital.  That is usually if you are a harm to yourself or others.

(bold last sentence) You're absolutely right ... definitely catch them while they are at the stage where you can handle them.

Like I was saying above though about the medication etc, IMO I think you need to do something with that because IME, those voices, delusions etc won't go away on their own.  They just get worse.

Edited by melissaw72

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