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I guess this is part of my anxiety problem.  I have a problem going places, like birthday parties, playgroup, parties of any kind.  I don't know what my problem is.  I never want to go.  But, when I get there, I usually have a good time.  Just thinking about going, though, makes me anxious.  Part of it is a germ thing, but that's just a small part.  The rest is just me being stuck somewhere.  This is hard for me to explain, so if it doesn't make sense, sorry.  I dont like feeling like Im unable to do what I want, or feel like, I don't know.  Does anyone know what Im talking about???  Im afraid Im losing friends over this.  I just don't know what to do.

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I know exactly what you're talking about.

All my friends have learned I'm somewhat reclusive and it's hard to get me to go do stuff with lots of people around.

Especially places where they're packed close together (Clubs are a great example...)

Generally I'm alright once I'm actually doing stuff, but if it's too crowded/close/whatever I start to freak out and have to leave.

I think that's mostly a germ/space thing though.

Edited to add:

Sorry, brain is a bit scrambled right now.

What works for me is to simply know exactly when an anxiety attack is about to hit and make sure my friends know that if I want/need to leave, by god I'm leaving =P and that it's nothing personal and nothing to even do with the place/event.

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I hate the feeling of being trapped...so I do avoid a lot of social situations. Because I always feel like I am letting people down if I do have to leave, or if I don't have a good time.

I agree completely with Seldarin's edit. It makes it a lot easier to get through "Going Out" if the people I am with understand that I may have to just up and leave.

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I totally know what you're talking about.

Sometimes I feel like there is a moat between me and my front door.  Sometimes if I meditate for a bit, or even just take 10 deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth, I can leap over that moat and get out there.

And the stuck thing.  Er I mean, you're not really ever stuck (but tell that to my anxiety some days...)  It's hard to get the mind to chat with itself somtimes.

Do you ever meditate?  Have you ever thought of trying biofeedback?

Penny

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Heya,

So, this weekend was New Year's.

(DH's family is Chinese.)

Gung Xi Fa Choi, everyone.

Dinner was Saturday night.

Ridiculous, on the face of it, that this get-together with two grandparents, four adults, and three kids would be stressful.

But yeah, the same damn social phobia kicked right in the night before.

The day of, I was hiding in bed.  DH I think is staring to get at *least* the social phobia thing -- he gave me the option of not going, told me it would be okay, not a big deal.

And, I had fun, my neice wants to be a doctor (okay, she's six, but still) and she and I acted out various emerg scenarios until dinner started.

Why can't we remember the times we had fun/did well in social situations???

--ncc--

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witchy woman... I have the same thing with the socail situations.  Its like whenever I am getting ready to go out I start to worry big time.  I take K now .5 mg twice a day.  But on Fri and Sat I may take another .5mg before I go out.  I almost don't think it helps at all.  I'm wondering if I need a higher dose of the k.  Going to see my pdoc on Wed so I'll talk to him then.

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I hate social events, too.  Especially the ones where everybody's my age. ;) is what I'm sure you're asking yourself, right now!!

Even when I was a member of a coed, community service frat in college (where everybody was a "brother and friend" to each other), I'd just jump from clique to clique at our social events, not finding any acceptance for my overtalkative, conversation-domineering Aspie self.... or worse yet, just being pushily talked completely 'out' of a conversation just so I couldn't dominate it as I normally like to.

Well I think I just found out the problem there! =P

Though, when I find myself with members of older (or even younger) generations, things work out pretty well.  We've always got tons of stuff to exchange and share, since we're both so different.  Aspie me is willing to listen when there's something big and new to be learned.  Doesn't hurt either that many of the older generation find me the archetypal definition of Hans Asperger's original term, that the autistics he studied were "little professors".  People (especially real professors!) just love that.

Another advantage for me is (this seems obvious) going to gatherings where there'll be a lot of people like me.  I.e., semi-Aspie nerds who also like to talk too much about random things and like finding out more about them.  Most of these nerds share strikingly similar interests with me... science, engineering, computers, politics, world religion, travel, and a little history... Same deal about learning stuff, I love it and it's the only thing that'll make me shut up.

The good Lord gives, the good Lord takes...

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