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Attachment Issues / Relationship Anxiety HELP - Zoloft?

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Hi All-

I endured neglect / abuse from my biological mother from the ages of 0-4...so yeah, I have issues. One of my biggest is anxiety in relationships. I have an amazing boyfriend who I KNOW I can trust deep down. However, I still have anxiety, panic attacks and turn into a mess when he does something as simple as go out with friends. I know this is so irrational, and I have nothing to worry about (except my irrationality driving him away). I just want to be "normal" and say "bye, have a great time" and just hang out at home, get a hobby, etc. But I find myself sitting here paranoid and anxious as hell. And then I text. And then I ask when he'll be home. And then I ask who he's with ... if you've experienced it, you get it. I'm at a loss of what to do. I've been on a cocktail of meds in the past year and diagnosed with everything from bipolar to borderline, and finally I have a doctor that I think I can trust. He's told me anxiety with a bit of PTSD is my main problem, and has put me on Zoloft starting at 50mg. 

I'm looking for anyone who has attachment anxiety on here to let me know if Zoloft has helped at all? And if so, what has -- medication wise and therapy wise?




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I wish I could help but I don't know about zoloft.   I thought it was more for depression but?   I really don't know a lot.

For me I take Buspar and (as needed) diazapam.   I get the fear of what your significant other is "really" doing and how that often is just in my head.   On the other hand I have hard experience of things when they were wrong so its been my task to seperate out the irrational fears from the rational ones.   Anyway as regards meds.  Buspar seems to be a hit / miss for people I've communicated with.  It didn't seem to work for me until the dose was increased and it doesn't 100% do away with anxiety.  This is where Diazapam comes in and while I know there are various (strong) opinions on benzos I think in my case its been a good combo and doesn't seem to have any baggage like addiction or dependence.   If you have an addictive personality I think there is enough baggage with Benzos that other drugs ought to be tried first.  Anyway I hope you can get things with him "cooled down"     And this is really amateur tdoc on my part but maybe communicate your fears with your TDoc and ask about maybe doing the same with him?  Oh!!  Last of all whatever drug they put you on don't give up on it if it doesn't work.   Remember that many of these take 4 to 6 weeks to kick in and whatever dose you start with will probably not be the dose you eventually end up on.  DO give serious feedback to whoever prescribes.

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Oh Man, Sounds like me. I def have attachment anxiety with my husband. We do a lot together, but when we are apart, Sometimes I can't help but thinking he's out there 'doing something he shouldn't', even though I know that's totally irrational. I have PTSD from childhood abuse, 14 years worth, so....yeah, I get it. And because my fight or flight button was turned on for so damn long, it doesn't work like it should. My 'gut feelings' steer me so far into my head in the wrong direction that it literally makes me crazy. I have tried zoloft, but after 20 years of trying so many anti depressants, I just cannot take the side effects from them. My doc put me on 2mg Xanax XR's BID and that seemed to help, but I noticed I was forgetting words, and it was just too much so he dropped me down to 1mg TID and it works perfect (so far). The thing I like about the XR's is that they are pretty abuse proof and they do the job. I take them at 5AM, 1PM, and 7PM. I sleep well and function well. I have to because I'm a nursing student, and I also work in the advising office of the college I attend, so I have to be on my toes. I also can remember things, not like on other benzos. I hope you find something that works for you. Take care. 

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You sound a lot like me, I've had some issues with my own mother as well. But, I'm not gonna get into it right now because this is about you and not me, and we'd be here awhile. Have you been tested for BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder) People with BPD, like myself, have a fear of abandonment. Whether it be in their dating lives or friendships. It's commonly misdiagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, as well because the mood swings and mania are quite similar - as well as other symptoms. I'm also on Zoloft, 100 mg at the moment and Lamitogrine, 50mg to enhance it and kill my migraines.

You probably have anxiety and BPD, I'm no doctor, but I have both along with Depression. PTSD would make sense too. Someone I saw before said I had signs of apparent paranoid Schizophrenia. Apparently not. Do some research on BPD, I'm not in ANY way trying to diagnose you or say you have it. I'm saying you might and it's better to know what illnesses you have and don't have so you know what needs to be treated and what doesn't. For awhile we didn't have a for sure diagnosis for me. It's not uncommon, especially with BPD. Like four doctors didn't know what was fucking wrong with me. I get clingy with my boyfriend, all my exes I did too. I always accuse him of cheating, etc. He's been in open relationships too, which bothers me. we're closed and monogamous, he didn't wanna be open. He's been married twice, and cheated on. He says he's loyal as hell and wouldn't cheat because he knows how much it hurts. He's also Bipolar and BPD and Bipolar clash so badly. Not to say that dynamic can't be happy, it's just hard. People who are mentally ill and dating do need to put forth a tad more effort in making things work. Illnesses clash, people feel unloved, or like they're doing more than their partner, etc it's a huge sticky mess.

My BPD clashed with my exes ADHD. Anything can do it. I don't know if any of that is going on in your relationship. I know telling yourself you know he loves you, and if he didn't he wouldn't do x, x, and x thing. If you don't see a counselor, I suggest it. If you do, and you don't do couples counseling - I suggest it. Married or not. Get started early. You don't have to go when problems arise. Everyone I've dated in the last year and a half has gone to therapy with me. Well, almost everyone. My counselor lets them come every other week, no insurance needed and I come by myself every other week they're not there. Especially with my current boyfriend, we both had really bad maniac phases last week and got into big fights. And tried kicking the other out. If you do couples counseling, keep going. Nothing can be fixed overnight, sadly. It'll take work, and if it's meant to work it will. But you BOTH have to work at it. He needs to be supportive of you, and you him. You need to learn to trust him, I know it's easier said than done. I mean, this is coming from someone who has trust issues like no other. If you don't go to counseling together, and you decide to start, the counselor can input methods with your boyfriend on how to HELP YOU get better - or feel better. I don't wanna get into the argument of getting better/not getting better. Some say it's possible, some don't. Who knows. He can help you recognize when you're being paranoid, etc. He can help you check yourself, so you recgonise the behavior, and fix it or try to. We don't always notice the things we do. 

I'm going to be asking for a med increase soon. I think Zoloft goes up to a 500mg.

Best of luck.

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