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BatsBelfry

Finding My Zoltar Machine

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Hi!  I'm new to this page.  Heck, I'm new to possible PTSD.  I say possible because nothing ever seems definite in mental health.  I had been living under the impression that I had bipolar 2, along with ADHD, eating disorder, and anxiety.  Now after uncovering my trauma I'm told I could have PTSD and that would explain the rapid cycling of my bipolar.  My trauma happened when I was seven and I guess developmentally with PTSD, parts of my brain are stuck at seven.  Hence the Zoltar machine because I want to be big again ( movie reference alert!), or at least 40.  So my question,  Is anyone here have the same thing done to them?  They had a diagnosis then it was updated to PTSD?  To me, PTSD seems harder to deal with than bipolar.  It was described to me that my brain was never fully developed is some areas.   How the hell do you cope with finding that out! 

 

 

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That'd be me. After years of being treated for MDD and anxiety, I walked into a new docs office and he said PTSD and since then it is as if my whole life has been upended. It's been a few years now dealing with this diagnosis - have you heard about Richard Miller's iRest program ? A Must!  
It explains so much, being 'stuck' developmentally at a young age and not having been able to move beyond that in terms of maturity of certain aspects of my personality,  I did a lot of reading on complex post traumatic syndrome (visit Out of the Fog); working totally with integrative therapy and specialists who work to help build parallel brain 'muscles' to counter act and I've had a lot of success.

I wish you luck on this new journey.  It's tough going at the beginning. Things do get better. And it does help to be able to finally understand WHY.

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I'm the same as you - no one wanted to actually diagnose me, but all the professionals said they suspected it was bipolar... no one even thought of ptsd. Probably because I always greatly minimized anything bad that was going on with me. Also because I had (and still have) this belief that if things aren't hard and painful for me, then I'm doing something wrong. Along the lines of, if I feel good, I'm obviously being selfish and indulgent; and because I'm bad and have done something wrong, I shouldn't feel good. 

 

Apparently undischarged traumatic stress can look a lot like rapid cycling bipolar... here are two charts I have discovered along the way that illustrate this well.

This shows what a healthy nervous response looks like:

teaserbox_4093911147.png?t=1430843717

 

And this shows what undischarged stress looks like: 

4c0a281b9d568ab90bba8c2bdc02c9c5.jpg

 

Notice how much it looks like rapid-cycling bipolar....?

I actually thought all my problems were physical at first -- years ago, before I ever even thought of seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist, I went through a battery of tests on my heart and stomach -- I was always throwing up and regularly had what I thought were mini heart attacks. It wasn't until I had a panic attack while a nurse was taking my blood pressure, that people started asking the right questions. Even then, PTSD didn't come up as an option, primarily because I had (a) repressed so many memories I didn't even think of what had happened to me (though I had plenty of nightmares about it) and (b) because I minimized anything bad that happened to me. Life was supposed to be hard, who was I to complain? 

 

Anyway, I'll try to write more later, but I wanted to share that with you now. I'm glad you found this site and I hope you find some of the support you need here! 

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