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How did my ocd go away?

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I would say I remember what my first intrusive thought very vividly it happened when I was in the 6th grade. At school something strange happened, I experienced a thought that was loud, but very different from any normal train of thought I ever experienced, it seemed separate from my own thoughts, and I didn't really think anything of it and went on with my day but it was definitely strange. The exact thought was Sell your soul. Perhaps this was my prodromal phase of developing schizoaffective I don't know but I didn't develop schizoaffective until 5 years later. Seems like a long prodromal stage to me but seems about right. Anyways these thoughts that I didn't recognize as my own but seemed to be some outside force forcing entry into my mind began to become a more regular occurrence. Then the year I was diagnosed with schizoaffective I would have these strange intrusive thoughts particularly in gym class where these intrusive homosexual thoughts would just keep blasting through my mind over and over making it impossible to play sports or focus on anything because my mind would just obsess over dudes in class and would just not let it go. Eventually these intrusive thoughts began to come whenever i encountered a male the first thing that would come into my mind would be something like is this guy attractive or some thought  like i want to fuck him or just something that i absolutely was not interested in but felt compelled to obsess over. It would be so bad that I felt like I was gonna piss on myself. 

I could not even talk to my own dad without the intrusive thoughts coming into my mind which is obviously just a terrible experience for anyone to go through. But even worse when you don't even know what you are going through has a name. This really troubled me and went on from when I was 16 and has completely gone away about 10-11 years later. I've been symptom free for a year or two. I am not on any medication that really makes sense to treat ocd. I'm just on latuda 20 mg klonopin 2 mg ambien 10 mg and trazodone 200 mg. I was taking lexapro around 40 mgs or whatever the max dose was and it did nothing for my ocd. I honestly can't explain how this problem went away. Does anyone know how something like ocd which they say has no cure can just all of sudden just disappear like this while not even on any specific treatment for it? I currently don't even experience any symptoms of any kind at all. All of my illnesses have disappeared so to speak. Obviously I would not stop my medication after doing so led me to 3 psych ward stays over a course of 3 months lasting about 6 weeks or so. The thing that is oddest to me is I went through a period where I was on risperdal lexapro and ambien for like 3 years then I gained weight and stopped it, tried all the weight neutral drugs but had a major breakdown during the process and so i said screw it give me the risperdal again and it did not work at all. So this period went by where i'm having all kinds of intrusive thoughts and racing thoughts possible hallucinations i don't know but my mind was just messed up.

 

Also I have been on latuda up to 80 mg before and none of the other medications i take are for my schizoaffective or my ocd. I asked my doctor to take me off of antidepressants after feeling like they made me manic. So basically the only drugs I take that can explain this is the 20 mg of latuda and the 2 mg of klonopin. But that makes no sense because I had been on a much higher dose of latuda and it did absolutely nothing when I took it by itself. I switched to latuda 2 months ago because I felt like abilify was causing me weight gain along with seroquel so we switched to basically a shot in the dark by trying a combo we already tried that was like taking a sugar pill had no effect at all on my symptoms and a much higher dose of latuda. I honestly cant explain my complete remission and full functioning ability. I'm not depressed, not hearing voices, sleeping when i want as long as i want, not manic can talk to dudes again lmao. This is just incredible because this isn't suppose to happen when you get labeled with schizoaffective or ocd those illnesses aren't suppose to just go away. Especially not if you take medication that had 0 effect. Can someone just make something up because its killing me not knowing how to explain this. They said this couldn't be done yet it happened. I could understand if i had one mental breakdown took drugs and suddenly was symptom free, they would just call that acute psychosis. But I had 3 major mental breakdowns over the course of 9 years and all of sudden i'm symptom free? I was never symptom free at any point after being diagnosed. I was told I just was going to have to live with whatever symptoms i had whether that included delusions voices, intrusive thoughts, depression, mania whatever this was the best they could and if i couldn't control myself i would end up in a group home like my sister.

 

My mind is just blown right now. i'm going to have to talk to my pdoc about this but if anyone has heard of this happening to someone they know please do tell cause i'm just shocked. Being symptom free for 2 months is really impossible for me i have never been symptom free for 2 months especially on medication that wasnt even suppose to work. It obviously makes me question if such a low dose of latuda is even working or if i even need it. Well I hope my story was not boring enough that some people could get through it and read it without falling asleep and answer the question of how complete and total remission is possible for someone they say this could never happen to and it happened.

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I don't have an answer to your question, but it is great news that the OCD has gone away!

Something similar has recently happened to me but it didn't have anything to do with MI.  I have no explanation for that either.

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I am  mostly recovered from OCD. Therapy and medicine helped, but I think that in a sense I just outgrew it. I got too lazy to do the rituals and I learned that nothing bad happened if I didn't. So I do believe that it is possible to outgrow OCD. I still have some OCD tendencies when under a lot of stress though.

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11 hours ago, Dphxa said:

Wow I'm sorry I don't really have an explanation for why your illness(es) have gone away, but that is great news!

I do have one question, though if you don't mind.

How long did it take the Latitude to work after you started taking it again?

Hard for me to say because I was already symptom free when I began the latuda so theres no way for me to say if or when the latuda began to take effect. I still don't know if its behaving as a sugar pill like the last time I took it and my symptoms are just gone or if it is working the same as the abilify was which I took before the latuda. I can say that I started latuda 2 months ago and haven't had one symptom yet, and had been symptom free for a while before then. So it may or may not be the latuda I don't know.

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Our OCD's been in remission for a fair while now, apart from little oddities that grow into "Okay that's a problem" when we're stressed. So.. I'd say watch out for things coming back when you're stressed, scared or depressed, because that's when you're most likely to get a relapse.

Congrats on the good news. ^_^

T

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1 hour ago, WinterTidings said:

So.. I'd say watch out for things coming back when you're stressed, scared or depressed, because that's when you're most likely to get a relapse.

Completely agree.

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On 4/3/2017 at 7:57 AM, nervousbat said:

Hi, this happened to me as well, can definitely relate to your story. I had severe pure-obsessive OCD for virtually all of my teen years. Most of the symptoms have gone away completely like homosexual-themed intrusive thoughts are completely gone, I can finally hug my friends and my own sister without those thoughts barging in. They went away near the end of high school. bullies at school were calling me homophobic insults among other things everyday. I finally got a break from them in my final years of high school and at the same time started counselling. I had also on my own begun to suspect that it wasn't normal to have thoughts that made you feel violated. I didn't know what it was though until I opened up to my then-pdoc. She confirmed it was OCD. That's when they stopped happening pretty much. Other themes have stuck around but I'm able to dismiss them and the pills also help. That's my experience with this. 

Personaly I think the typical high school experience has the capacity to drive anyone insane.  And I'm not joking.   How do we allow schools to be this way?

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15 minutes ago, nervousbat said:

I agree. Not being able to leave when the situation was bad (usually during class or an assembly) messed me up. I saw this video a few years ago and was kind of glad that my feelings about school being like a prison were not irrational, school really is like a prison. This is the video I saw. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOT3BvhjXcA 

 

Yep, school was like a prison to me too. I hated it. But university was wonderful. So wonderful that I didn't want to leave it. Most of my learning took place at university. The only thing I took away from high school was the ability to type and do algebra. Everything else was a waste.

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Agree with school being a prison ... I can't get into the whole story, but there was a teacher who I was banned from being with/seeing, and literally the vice principal walked the halls to make sure I was not with this teacher.  Put me in random classes to avoid this teacher.  I didn't learn much in HS.  Right now I'm thinking back and nothing sticks out that I got out of high school.  Unless you count life experience.

It was definitely a prison and I was so glad to graduate and get the hell out of there.

College was the best ... I loved it so much (everything about it) ... home felt like a prison (like high school did) and going to college was total freedom (except for summer breaks etc).  Like @jt07 said, I didn't want to leave either.

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3 minutes ago, nervousbat said:

Wow! This incident with the vice principal does not surprise me, they WOULD do something like that. I'm sorry that you had a hard time at home. I feel you Melissa, I think life experiences are all I got out of high school too. The more important things I learned were outside of high school and then later on in College. 

Same with me.

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My Ocd often comes and goes in intensity, recently I haven't even  had to take my medicine, which is nice, but I know that it will come back in full intensity eventually.

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9 hours ago, nestor said:

but I know that it will come back in full intensity eventually.

If you take meds on a regular basis can you prevent this from happening?  Or will it happen regardless if you take them regularly or not?

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I don't know yet, I fear physical dependence on the meds if I take them continuously,and the meds only put a slight dent in my OCD when it does come on strong.

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Oops I'm gonna feel like a wanker posting this but it's so very relevant to this conversation that I really can't-not geek out for a moment;

Quote

“The practice of placing individuals under 'observation' is a natural extension of a justice imbued with disciplinary methods and examination procedures. Is it surprising that the cellular prison, with its regular chronologies, forced labour, its authorities of surveillance and registration, its experts in normality, who continue and multiply the functions of the judge, should have become the modern instrument of penality? Is it surprising that prisons resemble factories, schools, barracks, hospitals, which all resemble prisons?”

Foucault wrote about this in Discipline & Punish, in which he basically summarizes that all institutions ultimately are structures for funneling power/agency upwards & controlling people (even if that's not, or even opposite to, their original intent, it's the net result). Others before him had made the connection, but Foucault really pinned the structure of the institution & its role in our lives down and analysed what makes it tick and where the tocks end up. (..No, I'm not sure where that metaphor went either. ..Sorry)

T

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6 hours ago, WinterTidings said:

Oops I'm gonna feel like a wanker posting this but it's so very relevant to this conversation that I really can't-not geek out for a moment;

Foucault wrote about this in Discipline & Punish, in which he basically summarizes that all institutions ultimately are structures for funneling power/agency upwards & controlling people (even if that's not, or even opposite to, their original intent, it's the net result). Others before him had made the connection, but Foucault really pinned the structure of the institution & its role in our lives down and analysed what makes it tick and where the tocks end up. (..No, I'm not sure where that metaphor went either. ..Sorry)

T

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to share this. Well, I'm glad that a professional has made this observation. I may have to look further into this. 

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On 4/6/2017 at 8:37 PM, nestor said:

My Ocd often comes and goes in intensity, recently I haven't even  had to take my medicine, which is nice, but I know that it will come back in full intensity eventually.

This ^ is what happens to me. My OCD manifests itself mainly as intrusive thoughts and their intensity and content are on a spectrum that moves around based on my meds and environment.

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