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What's the smart move?


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I have a best male friend who I'll call Y. He and I have been friends for a couple of years, we met online on a website, but quickly met in real life and have been nothing but platonic for all that time. I'm single what with being mentally interesting and will be till August.

Recently J, a female friend of mine, who I know from the same online website, contacted me asking about Y. She said that he has been messaging her, and she thinks that he is flirting but isn't sure. I told her what I thought of him, (he is the loveliest guy that I know) and that I didn't know about his flirting style or whether he liked her, because he can be quite shy, but that I would mention her and see if he reacts, and am happy to introduce them in real life. All of which I was fine with. I brought her up with Y, no reaction.

A week passes. Y has been spending more time with me and being odd around me. Then he said something suggestive, I confronted him and he admitted that he had wanted to ask me out in the past, and although he wants to be friends what with my vow to stay single, he won't rule out asking me out in the future, though I am to keep that between us so our mutual friends treat us as mates. So while we are friends, it sort of appears that he also likes me.

Now I have a dilemma, J has sworn me to secrecy that she has asked about Y, so I can't tell him that he needs to talk to her. I can't really tell J that Y likes me because we're really only friends, and it would look like I had lied to her earlier when I said that I didn't know whether he liked her. I don't want to betray Y's confidence either, and tell her and others that he appears to like me.

So I have had another message from J asking if Y mentioned her, and if she was assuming stuff that didn't exist, and I said that I didn't know who he was interested in and that he wouldn't tell me, so she needed to ask him really. Was this the right thing to do? I really don't want to be involved in a twisted love triangle, it is not as if I am seeing Y or anything, but I feel that I need to do thr right thing!

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I'm single what with being mentally interesting and will be till August.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Just to be an ass, will you quit being single in August or quit being mentally interesting?

I can't really tell J that Y likes me because we're really only friends, and it would look like I had lied to her earlier when I said that I didn't know whether he liked her. I don't want to betray Y's confidence either, and tell her and others that he appears to like me.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

So I have had another message from J asking if Y mentioned her, and if she was assuming stuff that didn't exist, and I said that I didn't know who he was interested in and that he wouldn't tell me, so she needed to ask him really. Was this the right thing to do? I really don't want to be involved in a twisted love triangle, it is not as if I am seeing Y or anything, but I feel that I need to do thr right thing!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Honesty is the best policy, as cliched as it may be.  In the end, the truth almost always comes out, so you might as well be truthful from the start.  Better that everyone involved knows where they stand.  There tends to be less drama that way.

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I'll be mentally interesting FOREVER if my recent therapy experience is anything to go by  ;)   and I figure staying single kind of avoids dragging any poor normal person into my world of woe!

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To avoid having to be single, I vow that I will let the other person set the pace. I will not rush and I will not force it. They decide the pace. That way I'm not being some over-ardent love slave and freaking out people! LOL  ;)

I'm a closet ardent lover-fool for love

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I tend to drift into relationships that get intense pretty soon, and then hang on till they fall apart and leave suddenly, usually having to change other areas of my life too due the sudden break up; it's all very BPD I am told. I am a great friend, sister, daughter, employee but I suck at being a girlfriend. I think having been single for six months has given me insight into changing so I can be better in future, but right now I need to get me well before I can really love someone else.

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