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Friend with "boundary issues"


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Hi,

Here's a weird issue. I have a friend who claims to have "boundary issues". He went from seeing me daily to one day not seeing me at all and only talking on the phone every few days, even though he is totally happy with me. He just talks about having "boundary issues".

WTF??!!

Anyone have ANY insight?

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I know that I personally act like your friend with the people I consider to be my closest friends because I worry about burning them out on me. I'll go a week seeing (fill in the blank name) every day because things seem fine and she seems glad to see me every day and then I start worrying that I might be overdoing it or seeming too needy so I go for a few days without any contact at all (which leads fill-in-the-blank to leave me "are you still alive?!" voicemails lol). It is totally me and not her and I'm afraid she (along with all the other people I do this to) sometimes thinks so.

I just don't trust my understanding of the limits in relationships. I don't think my perceptions are "normal" so I hold back (possibly too much) instead of (possibly) overdoing it. I could be totally off (I don't know your friend), but that's my take on "boundary issues."

If it bothers you, maybe you could ask him to explain himself in more depth?

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He just talks about having "boundary issues".

WTF??!!

Anyone have ANY insight?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My guess would be that like me, he has a hard time recognizing the boundaries of the other person in the relationship.  I want the relationship to be X, but the other person wants it to be Y.  My desire for it to be X, blinds me to the fact that I am crossing the boundaries put out there by the other person.  Just a guess.  Could also be his parole mandates that he not leave a certain radius from his home.

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Maybe he felt like he dropped his boundary with you by being so close and that is scary and wants to re set it? Or maybe he fears getting close to you? I would drop im a voicemail to say that you respect and understand his position and will be around when he feels ready again. In the meantime rely on other friends. It's a very loving thing to give our friends space when they need it without punishing them.

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Great thoughts! I left him a voice mail telling him that he can call whenever he is ready or wants to, and that I welcome it. I also let him know how bad off I am emotionally right now iwth my mixed state so hopefully we can talk. I'm not trying to pin him into breaking boundaries, I just think that friends should be there for each other if possible.

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It turns out that he was regretful of having relations with me so soon, due to his desire to be "pure for the Lord". I'm Wiccan anyway and we generally celebrate positive sexual interactions, so this wouldn't have worked out anyway! I found out because I lit a pink candle in ritual (not to compel, just to invite response) and asked for an answer. No matter how you pray, I believe your energy goes out and does its thing. He called soon after while the candle was still going and told me this, We're still friends though.

LOL ;)   GO SEX! SEX IS COOL AND SEX ROCKS! LOL

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  • 1 month later...

I have a friend...known him since 9th grade [we're now Freshman at ASU in NC].  He became my obsession until in 11th grade we started dating.  Dated two years, then I started to hate him.  Broke up with him because within a day I go from hating to loving him atleast 4 or 5 times.  Became even more intimiate and sexual when we broke up.

Now I've gave up on trying to put up boundaries.

It depends on my mood as to what we are..

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