Squirlygrl Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 I had a friend who said that suicidality was like having once spoken a different language, and that, as he healed, he went from fluent comprehension to just recognizing a few words here and there. I thought this was a great metaphor, but he didn't specify a time frame. What do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robotlove29 Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Huh, that is a good metaphor. I don't know, for me I would have to say it's definitley a life change....as in going from thinking there is no hope in the world, to some change, even if small that gave a glimmer of hope for an actual future. I had a short-lived "episode" about a month ago, but I think I've turned that around quickly. I'm 25 now and realize how dumb that idea was. When I was 11, 12 however, you just don't comprehend the consequences of something like that and as a result I was obsessed with suicide until about 16 or 17...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Velvet Elvis Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 How do you know that you've gotten over it anyway? I've taken comfort in the option since I was 12 or 13. I only seriously considered following through with it a handfull of times but have thought about it fairly regularly, perhaps daily, for over 15 years now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celestia Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 I had a friend who said that suicidality was like having once spoken a different language, and that, as he healed, he went from fluent comprehension to just recognizing a few words here and there. I thought this was a great metaphor, but he didn't specify a time frame. What do you think? <{POST_SNAPBACK}>For me this life change is going from deciding that's what I'm going to do to end my pain, and figuring out how to leave the smallest ripple, i.e., accidental death = insurance $ for kids, etc. For me that is an active suicidal state of mind where I go to the hospital and think of absolutely nothing but my pain and the conviction it will never end. Going from that state of mind to like someone else said, feelings of hope, a renewed interest in life around me and in me, actively changing behaviors, and then thoughts of suicide become more abstract. Like, "I wish I was dead", thoughts like that I've had all my life and have every day, but they pop in and out. My daily thinking processes are more like watching a slide show than thinking. Pictures of what I might be, do, etc. pop in my head. Some are really cool and some are really not cool. I think managing MDD from a *thinking* place, is to watch for the slippery slope of where the "oh I wish I was dead" thoughts pop in and out to becoming a larger presence in your mind till it is full on. That happens over time and subtly for me and is related to what's going on in my life. I like your friend's analogy too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LikeMinded Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I only got over my explicit suicidality pretty recently, when my mind backtracked to my parents' story of how several of bumbling pulmonologists in Trailerhassee, FL mis-dxe'd my half-missing ventricular septum as pneumonia. When I was 8 months old (1984), parents took me to Gainesville, a cardiologist there said I was on the verge of dying. Open-heart surgery began late that night, and I wasn't given a huge chance of survival as I'd been sensitized overall due to poor perfusion (oxygenation) of my entire body. I flatlined on the EEG (brain activity) 6 times on the operating table, only to resume a second or two later each time. Well, I suppose I have some purpose being alive, maybe, just throwing that possibility out there... =P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~nestling~ Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 everyone has a purpose in being alive....and it takes a lifetime to learn it and live it, imo. I don't know what to put for this poll though. I'm not feeling suicidal at present, the last time I felt it bad was over the Christmas therapy break....and I'd taken my efexor late due to sleeping in, and mid afternoon.....Christmas Day evening I was lying there under my duvet just holding on and waiting for the awfulness to pass... I was writing suicidal poetry when I was 15, but wasn't conscious of it as such. I survived a major gas leak from my boiler 10 years ago, I ignored the smell of gas for 6 months....I was very depressed at the time (undiagnosed and untreated at that time). I woke up one night struggling to breathe and decided it was time to turn the gas off and get engineers in. after phoning my parents for support. Sorry to ramble....needed a good reason to get it off my chest.... Gaining some self acceptance and threads of assertiveness and self esteem seem to be reducing my suicidal feelings, as well as being open about them in therapy when they come up in a session.... prob didn't answer your ? but needed to be said anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squirlygrl Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 Thank you all very much for your responses. I agree about the purpose (see! it's a good day), though I have to focus on how it's knowable only after a long time, if ever, so I don't think I've already done all I'm good for. Which makes me think of Tony Hoagland's (anti)suicide poem -- "You stay alive you stupid asshole/Because you haven't been excused" -- works for me. Herrf., that's moving. Your poor parents. On a much milder note, I had my first echocardiogram the other day, and the cricket sounds of the different ventricles were so friendly, it was hard to imagine I'd wanted to stop them. Anyway, I don't mind thinking about it, as long as I don't think I'm likely to pursue it. The suicidal poetry actually helps, when it's not of the "detailed ways to watch me bleed" variety. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loon-A-TiK Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 My dad's suicide pretty much cured me of it. The pain I went through- I would neverr put my worst enemy through that. Never. Too horrible for words. I can live in this pain every day for the rest of my life and I will never have another moment like when I found him on the floor. Words cannot say and tears cannot explain what your soul just knows inside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.