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i've started and re-started this post like 32423 times...don't really know why i'm posting this but here goes

i find myself slipping back into a depressive episode. everyday is a struggle and honestly, though i'm not actively suicidal, i wish every morning that i wouldn't have woken up. it's so hard to find even the strength/purpose of making myself eat. i have no interest in doing anything other than laying on the couch and staring at the ceiling; hard for me to even watch tv. i try forcing myself to do things but that doesn't work out or i get angry and frustrated with the thing i'm trying to do and quit. on top of that my anxiety has been running rampant and the med i have for it isn't really helping. i know i need to talk to my pdoc, and i will, but i just don't feel like she cares. no one cares or understands. my husband, bless him, has to deal with this all day everyday since he works from home. it's hard to talk to him about how i'm feeling because i feel like it hurts him that he can't help. when he asks me what's wrong i have no answer and when he asks what he can do to help i just want to cry because i don't know. 

 

anywho. guess i just wanted to put what i'm going through out there and see what you guys say. i don't know. 

 

thanks for reading. 

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2 hours ago, electricbamboo said:

i've started and re-started this post like 32423 times...don't really know why i'm posting this but here goes

i find myself slipping back into a depressive episode. everyday is a struggle and honestly, though i'm not actively suicidal, i wish every morning that i wouldn't have woken up. it's so hard to find even the strength/purpose of making myself eat. i have no interest in doing anything other than laying on the couch and staring at the ceiling; hard for me to even watch tv. i try forcing myself to do things but that doesn't work out or i get angry and frustrated with the thing i'm trying to do and quit. on top of that my anxiety has been running rampant and the med i have for it isn't really helping. i know i need to talk to my pdoc, and i will, but i just don't feel like she cares. no one cares or understands. my husband, bless him, has to deal with this all day everyday since he works from home. it's hard to talk to him about how i'm feeling because i feel like it hurts him that he can't help. when he asks me what's wrong i have no answer and when he asks what he can do to help i just want to cry because i don't know. 

anywho. guess i just wanted to put what i'm going through out there and see what you guys say. i don't know. 

thanks for reading. 

I relate to your post so much. I've been in a looooooooong depression which never seems to lift. The intensity subsides and then I'm left in this pit of apathy, staring at the ceiling for hours, not doing any of the tasks that are important, no energy/impetus to do anything fun because nothing is pleasurable or interesting to me at the moment. I also feel hopeless like no one can help me.

My meds are not helping these symptoms much either....The A/Ds often make me worse or an irritable insomniac. I don't know what advice to give, but just want to say I completely understand. hang in there..maybe your pdoc can try a med tweak? I don't know if your current combo was working at some point in the past? Do you see a therapist?

Edited by Blahblah
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Sorry to hear you're feeling so low. I understand what it's like to feel bad for your pdoc when they aren't able to help. Keep trying what they suggest, and seeking help from different places (tdoc, group therapy programs, activity groups for the MI, social worker, Gdoc, support of family and friends etc) as much as possible and try to take care of yourself as best you can. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it's there. You mood will improve, you will feel better. 

Edited by mcjimjam
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I'm glad you posted, Electricbamboo. I hope that just talking to us helps. Every one of us is here because we understand. 

It probably seems like an overwhelming task right Joe, but if it feels to you like your doc isn't helping you anymore, you might consider looking for a new doctor. I bet your gdoc could help. Sometimes doctors just run out of ideas. You deserve better care.

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