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quitting...


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Okay, I'm not likely to quit (I can't quite figure out how), but I really really want to.

I've gone to therapy exactly four times in my entire life and every time I fight the urge to say anything ever (to the point that I won't contradict tdoc if he suggests something not quite accurate, about me I mean), absolutely refuse to look at him, feel awful and uncomfortable, and totally space out (huge awkward silences or I answer questions with barely perceptible yes/no head motions). I sit there and feel sick, like I'm going to get hysterical and burst into tears or curl up in a ball on the couch, but of course I don't. It would be kind of a relief if I did anything but sit there with my hands shaking between my legs and my eyes firmly planted on the carpet.

This whole situation feels wrong in every possible way. Every time I tell him anything I feel like I'm exaggerating or trying to get attention. My shrink's niceness makes me want to cry...I'm completely embarrassed by how desperately needy I am, to the point that I want to yell at him to stop being nice to me. I've been insisting since I was three that "I can do it myself!"

Every time I say I'm never going back and I, of course, do. I feel like a pain in the ass as a therapy client.

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I've only been to four sessions total. I'm in college and I've never done this before. thanks...I just really needed to hear someone say this is normal and it's okay for me to freak out a little. I feel like I should be comfortable already and just chill out, but I can't bring myself to relax. And then I feel guilty about it.

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I have to think that most people are uncomfortable to some degree in talking about their lives with a stranger. 

After more than a year and a half of seeing a Pdoc and a therapist, there are still times I have difficulty talking, and can't look them in the eye.

I would suggest that you start your next session by talking about talking.  Tell your therapist about how hard it is and you feelings about that. It becomes an ice breaker and will let him help you become comfortable with the process.

Finally, it is OK for you to have emotions and express them to your therapist. You are allowed to have them. Your therapist won't reject you as a patient or think any less of you.

A.M.

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Thanks guys...I actually printed out this thread and highlighted the stuff that I really needed to hear and stashed it in a drawer for the next time I have one of these moments ;)

this especially, AM:

Finally, it is OK for you to have emotions and express them to your therapist.

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