Don't know what I look like(not sure where to put this)

[Rayvn]

Hey guys.

I'm not really sure where to put this post at cause I'm not really sure what is the cause of this, but..

I've just been struggling really bad lately with my self esteem and looks. Whenever I look in the mirror it's like my face is completely different. I feel like I never recognize it, it's always so different. And I know that depending on the lighting in a room that can make your face look slightly different. But I'm talking about that it looks like a completely different person each time I look in the mirror. I feel like if I met someone who was the exact clone of me, had my exact same face, I don't think I would even be able to recognize it. And because of this I also feel like I have no idea if I'm extremely ugly or decent looking. I can look in the mirror and think that I am extremely ugly and then another time look in the mirror and think that I actually look decent. But whenever I look it's just that the faces I see are SO far different than the others I see. I feel like I couldn't describe my appearance to anyone or draw myself. I also feel like whenever I look in the mirror and think I look alright thats its really just me deluding myself to see that, because thats what I want to see.

 

I haven't brought this up to my psych doc cause it just makes me feel really guilty and shallow. I feel like I just shouldn't care about how I look, but I can't help it.

I've also heard about Body Dysmorphia disorder but I thought that they usually tend to just focus on a specific part of their face or body.

 

I guess I just want to post this to see if anyone has ideas about what might cause this, and if anyone else struggles with this too. I just feel really depressed over it.

[melissaw72]

16 hours ago, Rayvn said:

I haven't brought this up to my psych doc cause it just makes me feel really guilty and shallow. I feel like I just shouldn't care about how I look, but I can't help it.

I'm sorry you feel guilty and shallow about bringing this up with your pdoc, but I think you should still bring this up with him/her.  That and how you feel like you shouldn't care about how I look.  I think your pdoc would appreciate knowing how you are feeling about things.  If not, it is hard for your pdoc to help you.

IME, when I feel a certain way and don't want to bring something up with my pdoc (for any reason), I end up doing so and feel so much better after that ... and I am really glad that I brought it up with him.  It feels like a weight is lifted off of my chest.

I don't have any ideas of what causes this, but I would highly suggest bringing this up with your pdoc. 

Also, I want to welcome you to CB!

[CrazyRedhead]

6 minutes ago, melissaw72 said:

I'm sorry you feel guilty and shallow about bringing this up with your pdoc, but I think you should still bring this up with him/her.  That and how you feel like you shouldn't care about how I look.  I think your pdoc would appreciate knowing how you are feeling about things.  If not, it is hard for your pdoc to help you.

I second this......Sometimes I have a difficult time bringing things up with my doc because I'm ashamed, but I always end up talking to her about it, because it's important for her to know what's going on with me.

I always feel better after I talk about it with pdoc, like Melissa said above.