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My pop died today.


hollow log

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I kinda don't know what to say.  I just want to write something.

I've spent just over the last two days by my pop's bed side in hospital, watching him slowly die.  It's never happened to me, but I found out it's a priveledge to be able to do that, and to hold someone's hand through that.  He was 83.  His heart was failing him, and his lungs were full of fluid.  He had a triple bypass 12 years ago, and it was over the use by date.  Only two weeks ago he was driving his car.  Two days ago he got up out of bed in hospital, went to the toilet, and had a shower.  He was strong right to the very end.  He all knew we were there.  He was on morphine, and out to it, but we kept talking to him, telling him we loved him, and that my nan would be ok without him.  I've lived 28 years and I've never seen my own dad cry.... we were all standing there crying off and on for two days.  It breaks your heart to see someone go like that.  We were relieved to see him go... to see him in no pain anymore. My sister and I were by his bed yesterday, and at one point he woke up and motioned me to come closer.  He said he had a message.  I said, who for pop? ... he waved his arms and said, for everyone.  He tried to tell us but he had no teeth and no energy, and he couldn't tell us, and fell back into unconscioness.... we'll never know exactly, but we all have a good idea just the same.

I've been holding up ok... I've been getting enough sleep.  We've got the cremation and service to get together.  I'll be saying a few words.  I'm still all teary... but we've had a lot of family visit today.  As soon as we got home this morning, round 8.  We sat for awhile, and I just wanted to do something, so I decided I was going to start baking, so I starting baking biscuits, and everyone joined in and we cooked for hours.

I'm really starting to understand my family so much better.  It's amazing the different sides you see in other people when someone dies.  You really see love in action, not just in words.  I love my pop, and I won't forget him.

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Hi,

Im am so sorry to hear about your dad's passing.

Personally, I think it was great that you were with him at the end. He was not alone. and that is very good for everyone in your family. especially the people that could not be there. at least they know you were there for him. and that is special.

Much Love,

december

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Hi,

Im am so sorry to hear about your dad's passing.

Personally, I think it was great that you were with him at the end. He was not alone. and that is very good for everyone in your family. especially the people that could not be there. at least they know you were there for him. and that is special.

Much Love,

december

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

just a quick note... pop = grandfather

but thanks a lot just the same. :-)

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I'm sorry about your grandfather.  My own died a couple of weeks ago, across the country, and I was unable to even make the funeral.  I'm glad you're able to be a part of your family's grieving right now, that you were able to be there with him when it was time, and that you seem to be handling his death with such clarity and grace. 

wishing you well,

Ella

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Hi Hollow, like the name, feel the same.  I am impressed with the strength and beauty that you are handling this with.  Today is the anniversay (4 years) of my own father's death.  You were so blessed to know a grandfather, I never knew either of my own.  I have great empathy for you, and pray a higher entity will guide you through this.

Hurray For You!

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hollow log,

that was beautifuly described.  it sounds like it was emotionally intense... in both good and bad ways.  is that what it means when people say bitter sweet?

death is sad and hard, because they aren't there anymore.  but it sounds like he was surrounded with love when he passed after a full life, which is how i hope i go. 

it was brave and loving of you to be there during it, holding his hand.

i hope you write more about it, if you're up to it.

good luck with the funeral.  don't let them overcharge you on stuff just because you are sad.  (sorry, i just lost someone and it's sad but funeral homes aren't all nice like in "six feet under" and i hope you get nice people and don't have problems, but i just wanted to give you a heads up to watch out just in case.)

anyway, i do hope you write more on this. 

what are you going to say at the funeral (you don't have to answer that, of course.)

take care

penny

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Hollow Log:

I'm really starting to understand my family so much better.  It's amazing the different sides you see in other people when someone dies.  You really see love in action, not just in words.  I love my pop, and I won't forget him.

This is probably the best gift when someone in the family passes. You find that you are more open with each other and more loving. It can be a real blessing for those left behind. Perhaps this is what your pop wanted or was trying to say.

Remember the good times you had with your pop, what he brought to the family, and know that you will always carry that with you.

Write more when you feel up to it. I think that writing can be the most cathartic thing of all during these times.

Breeze

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What a wonderful way to go for your Pop. I am glad there is someone to preserve his memory the way that you do; with honor and beauty.

My Pop died here in my house at 94. Just like yours, he was strong and tough, right up to the last couple of days, despite having had untreated (he was stubborn, ready to go) cancer for 6 years (grows slowly when you're so old).

Sadly, my family did not behave as yours did, but their grief was real, nonetheless.

You are fortunate to encounter death on such terms, and your Pop is fortunate to have encountered it with you and your family to see him off.

Bon Voyage, Pop. Enjoy your journey, wherever it takes you. I'm sure that wherever your ultimate destination, it will be a better place for having you there.

Pigs

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HollowLog -

I lost my Papaw in 1998, at age 92, in very similar circumstances.  I was holding his hand when he went, and the family was standing around.  He was the family patriarch, and even though my mom and dad are both alive and well, it kind of felt like we were all orphaned.  But I felt very privileged to be there with him.

Now, here's the believe-it-if-you-want-to part:  He visited me in my dreams two nights running right after he passed, until I finally, in the dream, asked, "Papaw, why are you still here?"  And I received a sense that he just wanted to make sure we were okay, and he left.

Now here's the believe-it-if-you-want-to-and-don't-think-Cerberus-has-lost-it part:  My sister-in-law is a psychic medium, and my Papaw has communicated with me through her since.

No one is ever gone.  They're just away at a distance, and we will see them again shortly.

Peace be with you.

Cerberus

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I will be sending you and your family comforting peaceful vibes, and I know that your pop has the best kind of death that there is, where his family waved him off in love. Pm me if you need me anytime.

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That was a beautiful story, hollow log.  I hope I am as lucky as your pop- to die surrounded by people that I love. 

I was a child when I lost my grandaddy.  But like Cerberus says... there have been times where I've had the distinct impression that he was "there" and it's been a comfort.

I hope you and your family is holding up okay and would love to hear more about your pop, if you feel like talking.

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I kinda don't know what to say.  I just want to write something.

I've spent just over the last two days by my pop's bed side in hospital, watching him slowly die.  It's never happened to me, but I found out it's a priveledge to be able to do that, and to hold someone's hand through that.  He was 83.  His heart was failing him, and his lungs were full of fluid.  He had a triple bypass 12 years ago, and it was over the use by date.  Only two weeks ago he was driving his car.  Two days ago he got up out of bed in hospital, went to the toilet, and had a shower.  He was strong right to the very end.  He all knew we were there.  He was on morphine, and out to it, but we kept talking to him, telling him we loved him, and that my nan would be ok without him.  I've lived 28 years and I've never seen my own dad cry.... we were all standing there crying off and on for two days.  It breaks your heart to see someone go like that.  We were relieved to see him go... to see him in no pain anymore. My sister and I were by his bed yesterday, and at one point he woke up and motioned me to come closer.  He said he had a message.  I said, who for pop? ... he waved his arms and said, for everyone.  He tried to tell us but he had no teeth and no energy, and he couldn't tell us, and fell back into unconscioness.... we'll never know exactly, but we all have a good idea just the same.

I've been holding up ok... I've been getting enough sleep.  We've got the cremation and service to get together.  I'll be saying a few words.  I'm still all teary... but we've had a lot of family visit today.  As soon as we got home this morning, round 8.  We sat for awhile, and I just wanted to do something, so I decided I was going to start baking, so I starting baking biscuits, and everyone joined in and we cooked for hours.

I'm really starting to understand my family so much better.  It's amazing the different sides you see in other people when someone dies.  You really see love in action, not just in words.  I love my pop, and I won't forget him.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thank you for sharing this with us. It is a privilige, one I've been allowed to witness as well with my husband.

You and you're family will be in my thoughts. Rock on Pop!

Hugs,

S9

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hollow log:

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I know what you mean about it being a privilege. I was there when my grandma passed, and felt honored to be there.

Your grace and dignity in this time is impressive. How wonderful that you started to bake and everyone joined in. Love in action.

My best to you and your family,

revlow

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hollow log,

I am sorry to hear about your pop's death. pardon to anyone who thinks it is impolite to use the word death. But I view death as part of life, and thus using the word death is not negative, it is just real. Being with someone when they die, the ability to be with that person is something special and unforgettable, and even a live changing event. I have had the opportunity and I felt honored.

And to add to Cerberus' believe it if you want to, I had a dream visit from a person the night of his funeral. The man was not a blood relative and a had only known him a few years but he was there and let me know that he wanted me to let his family know that he was Ok no and was no longer in pain. 

My thoughts go out to you an your family.

And apologies in advnce if I upset anyone with the use of the word death.

Erika

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Heya hollow log,

My graddad and grampa were very special to me.  Still are.  But it hurts not to be able to laugh with them ... but when we laugh with their memories, it's almost as good.

My grampa died alone b/c he was MI and paranoid and had run away.

My granddad died in his home, with about 15 family members around.

So sorry for your loss.  And glad that you and he (and your family) could all be together. The group baking is a warm testament to him.

He won't be forgotten, and you will all start to laugh again with the memories of his life.

--ncc--

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Thanks everyone for writing.  I just woke up and found all your messages, first thing, and it's really moved me.

We're off to Colac today, a country town 2 hours west of Melbourne ... it's where I grew up.  I left it when I was 18, and I haven't thought of it as home for just on 10 years.  Since yesterday it's become "home" again.  Even though it been dormant within me, my attachment to Colac has always been with me, as home.  I want to be there, and I think a lot of us do.  I never thought I'd feel so strongly about wanting to go back there again, but it's where Pop lived, and where I lived, and where I spent my time with Pop as a kid.  That's where all the memories are. 

It was only last weekend that I was in Colac, in the hospital with Pop.  His oxygen was low, even with an oxygen tube to his nose, and he was confused and cranky.  He sat by the window, and he kept muttering that he wanted to go home.  And he really did.  He got up in his pjamas and said he was going, and walked out the door, down the coridoor.  We called the nurses and they sat him down in the corridoor, and tried to get his oxygen back on, but he was as determined as a Mallee bull to keep it off, and to sit there in the coridoor until someone got their keys out and drove him home. I suddenly knew where I got my stubborness from.  The nurses were saying that he was just confused, and he was, but piercing through that confusion, I think, was his intinctual desire to go home and die.

The stories are coming out, some of them you wished you'd heard earlier, but I see that death reveals a lot of things.  Pop has died, but now it feels like he's more alive in my head than ever before.  My nan and I were talking on the way home from the hospital yesterday, and I mentioned dad crying, and how I'd never seen it.  She said she'd only seen Pop cry once.  They were at his brother's funeral, and in the service the priest never mentioned Pop's name once... I don't know why... but Nan said as they were leaving Pop went around the side of the church and just howled.  Men were bred tough in the country I grew up in, as were the women.  It is a big deal when men break down like that.  It means something when they do.  I'm glad I got to hear that story.

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Guest FrannyNZooey

My Condolense also.

I only saw my Father cry two times

and both made me cry a million tears more

For I knew what pain for him to cry and so freely, openly

It was at the death of my brothers, his two sons

It does change the way you see them forever

Which at first for me was very scary

Now I do feel closer than ever before

So sad it had to come from such a way

Then again all was not done in vain

I guess that is what life/death is trying to teach us

Love, Aly

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....I see that death reveals a lot of things.  Pop has died, but now it feels like he's more alive in my head than ever before. My nan and I were talking on the way home from the hospital yesterday, and I mentioned dad crying, and how I'd never seen it.
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Cheers to everyone who posted here for me... it's been great to read these (and re-read them!) since his death.  Some wonderful things have been said in this thread. I didn't expect so many posts.

You're all fab.

HL

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