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Seeking a friend for the end of my World.


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I don't feel anymore, all I hear is noise. No touch of a hand, no tickle of a whisper in my ear, not a kiss, an embrace, nothing. Nothing except noise. This constant white noise of sounds I can't even string together anymore. It's all consuming and too much. I want to switch it off but I can't do it alone. I need to know that there is someone out there who also hears the noise. Who, like me is ready to not just turn it down but switch it off completely.  

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There've been times, @LostPrincess, where I've felt similarly. They've lasted for weeks to years at a stretch.

It sucks, and you're not alone, even though it might feel like there's nobody who truly gets you right now.

You sound like you're vaguely or overtly suicidal. Am I reading you correctly? Is that what switching the noise off completely means?

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Yeah. That's a shite place to be. It's exhausting.

and it makes perfect sense to me that being dead seems like a solution to the noise. Any animal, when in pain, seeks ways to get out of pain. And the curious nature  of human consciousness means we often come upon the idea of ending the self who experiences pain as a way to end pain. Whenever out resources and skills are outweighed by pain, being dead seems a reasonable option.

And there's also a curious phenomenon that relief from the noise requires a conscious self to experience that relief. Relief, like pain, is an experience.

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Possibly, yes.

but we have no reliable information about what happens when we die.

i can't say whether it takes more courage to die or to live. I think the argument cuts both ways.

i do know, though, that the choice to be dead eliminates any other choice I could make in this existence. And for me, the goal is liberation: that which increases available options. So for me, as hard as it has been at times, I hold on to the value of this existence, if nothing else, for the novelty and the fact that it's finite.

i understand the pull to be done. What is it about the noise that feels unbearable?

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Why stay alive when you're not living just existing? Just surviving. Just holding onto the rope. There's no point in being alive if you're not truly living.

It's not just the noise. It's that there's nothing left but the noise. There's no feeling anymore. I just want to feel something even if that is death.

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