acid trips instead of textbook mania

[gballsout]

Does anyone else get this?  I mean a rapid disintegration where suddenly sights, sounds and smells get overwhelming and you can't concentrate on anything or recite the alphabet to keep yourself together until some downer med takes effect?

I take Seroquel when this happens, but it comes on fast and strong.  Once I was on my way to the dr when i got this on the subway platform.  I kept trying to hold myself together, but there was just too much overstimulation.  suddenly one clear thought came to me:  if I push this man in the way of the train, i will feel better.  I caught myself and ran (as fast as I could) home and took meds, but it scared the shit out of me.

Other times it hasn't been so bad b/c as soon as I think I'm getting overwhelmed, I take the seroquel, no questions asked.  But when I read the textbook symptoms of mania, it sounds like a party (spending money, talking too fast and having promiscuious sex) though I don't mean to belittle anyone's problems with these symptoms. 

BTW, how much sex and sex partners qualify as promiscuous, b/c I wonder if it's different for females over males.  I know alot of tomcat males that wouldn't qualify as bipolar/manic or sex addicts.  They just like to sleep around and get their conquests up.  If you are a single female (in your sexual prime, ha!)and just date alot and haven't found the right relationship, does that make you promiscuous?

[Rabbit37]

I kept trying to hold myself together, but there was just too much overstimulation.

[sepia]

Promiscuity is a relative term. According to the standards by which I was raised, if I ever have sex without being married, I'm promiscuous. Other people have other standads. All in all, I feel the term to be worthless bullshit.

When you are NOT going through a manic episode, how often would you have sex? How many partners would you have during X period of time? If you go much above this norm, which is your individual standard, then you could argue that you're hypersexual.

I think. Defining terms is more difficult than usual in the morning, especially since it's all so damn relative.

I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions of what to do when your brain seems to melt on you. Taking Seroquel is a good idea, but maybe someone else has other suggestions. I also congratulate you for moving away from the scene in which harming someone else momentarily seemed like a great idea. You're keeping your shit together as best you can. Congratulations.

(P.S. I love your signature. "Maybe I'm not depressed. Maybe I'm happy, but I'm just disappointed that it isn't as good as I expected." It's great.)

[whatsgoingon]

One thing I'd like to add is that mania can come in many different forms. The only manic characteristics I really fit are the racing thoughts, racing speech and lack of sleep. However I without a doubt have full blown manias; the last one left absolutely no doubt about that as I ended up threatened with being sectioned.

When I'm really manic, I don't know I'm manic. The real sucky things for me are the constant hallucinations and continual paranoia. The things I'm certainly not are hypersexual and more social. Maybe it's because I feel like I have such difficulties with other people when I'm normal, I don't know, but the idea of sex repulses me. Actually, any form of physical closeness repulses me. When I'm hypomanic, I think about sex more, so I guess that's when any sexual promiscuity would occur.

Oh and the smells thing- I hear you there. I've been bitching to my mum all week about how bad the people on the train smell, especially those sitting next to me. I can tell every scent on them; their shampoo, their body wash, their aftershave. It's freaky. Lights become more intense though I'm not sure if this is to do with the hallucinations I seem to get a lot of now (halos of light round people, lines, colours, patterns).

I suppose what I'm saying is there's no reason you weren't manic. Interpret the criteria for mania loosely. It sure ain't one big party for me- I'm at my most frightened and vulnerable when manic.

[Rabbit37]

I suppose what I'm saying is there's no reason you weren't manic. Interpret the criteria for mania loosely. It sure ain't one big party for me- I'm at my most frightened and vulnerable when manic.

But isn't manic supposed to last a week at the least? I don't know what I would call my experiences - panic? anxiety? flashbacks?

[CraZgrrl]

BTW, how much sex and sex partners qualify as promiscuous, b/c I wonder if it's different for females over males.

[sepia]

I *don't* have the oversexed drive (am I the only one?), in fact I can't stand to be touched.

You're not the only one "missing out" on hypersexuality. Behold, the many flavors of mania. I'm relieved, actually. I don't know what sex ed is like in your part of the continent, but here it's quite clear that sex is a big fucking deal in terms of personal responsibility. I'd prefer to sanely choose to have sex, with appropriate precautions, then go manic and hypersexual and start reassembling the memories a week later.

Yes, I am young and innocent. If we had a giggly smilie with pigtails, I'd probably use it here.

Ahem. On with the regularly scheduled discussion.

[Seldarin]

The jury's still out as to the level of Bipolar for me, but I *don't* have the oversexed drive (am I the only one?), in fact I can't stand to be touched. That may be something else entirely. Oooh, hey, another dx. Fun.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Rabbit37]

The overstimulation thing only usually occurs for me when I'm in a social setting with TONS of people. Like a busy mall or something.

Besides the fact that I think WalMart is an evil empire, and is ruining the world, I simply mentally can't go in there. The amount of noise is overwhelming. Loud fans, those damn tvs hanging from the ceiling blaring out "commercials", kids screaming, and then all those bright lights. Sensory overload, and it's not pretty. I think the last time I was there - quite a long time ago - I believe my last words to my husband were "GET MY OUT OF THIS FUCKING PLACE!".

[gballsout]

I think getting overwhelmed at the mall/walmart is a measure of what's left of our sanity.

thanks for the props on my sig.  I wrote it in my journal yrs ago and it still cracks me up.

as for promiscuity:

kidding.  just wanted to use that icon.

[robotlove29]

I've had many "overstimulation" experiences which usually cause me to have a panick attack of some sort..but one that comes into mind was last year at a concert when the crowd, the heat and the loudness became way to much.  I pretty much freaked the hell out and had to get out of there fast.  At the time, it felt like the whole room was closing in on me and suddenly everyone was right up next to me/wacko distortion/perception type stuff.  Ummm note to self:  bipolars should not drink 2 redbulls before being in a poorly ventilated tight space with hundreds of other people....

[seven]

yeah, i get hte irritable variety of overstimulation too where you just wanna clonk everyone. ... i also get that euphoric kind where everything being so vivid and semi-hallucinatory makes you so ecstatic.

if your psychotic breaks happen with enough frequency, have you considered just taking your seroquel at a high dose regularly? that way, you won't be caught off-guard to do something horrible.

mania does last a week and hypomania for 4 days or more according to dsm--but that's without meds. so, without your xanax, rabbit, how long would it last? Also, the mood state can be mixed, going from mania to dysphoric to depressed continuously in this entire timespan.

when hypomanic, i get hypersexual. all men desire me and whenever i am around them, it feels like a heavy seduction. BUT, I have so much pride, I CAN'T do it. Just can't allow my reputation to plunge like that. the iron grip of self-control that i use to fight myself with is a problem too.

7

[whatsgoingon]

I've never had a full blown mania lasting the official dsm week thing (except for the last one). My pdoc has recorded me as having a depressive episode when it's only lasted a couple of hours. Ditto hypomanias and manias.

I suppose I'm saying 'interpret loosely'. The criteria I mean. Rapid cycling BP (ie of the few days down, few days up type, or the few hours down, few hours up type) isn;t listed in the dsm- according to the good book those people have no diagnosable psychiatric problem, but it sure as hell exists as I'm sure people on this board will tell you. Hell, I'll tell you. It exists.

I've been known to go from fine to batshit- ie psychotic out of my tree can't understand a word i'm saying bad bad mania- in only several hours. I also manage to dehydrate to the point of being siiiick in that time from all the frenzied activity I get up to. It's still a mania, just a shorter one.

Don't get too hung up on the specific criteria. I assume you have a BP diagnosis? You know, any doctor who has a patient presenting with psychosis is recommend to consider the possibility of bipolar mania. Or so I was told. Just to illustrate the point of mania taking many forms.

Err, yeah. I'm probably talking complete rubbish now. I suppose I'm saying there's absolutely no reason why it couldn't be mania. Talk to your pdoc. Good luck, hope you figure it out.

[Rabbit37]

7 and WGO: Oh, by all means, I know that the "standard lengths" as it could be called are very loose, and it varies from individual to individual. That's what I love, so far, about my new tdoc, he just isn't concerned about the labeling. But of course, *I* want to know what's going on, what train of thought he's pursuing.

And 7, you've brought up a good point. Didn't think about it in that light. When I start having the wired effects, and no xanax, I feel severely on edge for 2-3 days sometimes. I didn't realize that til now. Xanax can usually kick it in the ass, especially if I continue to take it every 4-6 hours for that day. Occasionally it can't. Then it gets even worse.

Hmmm.

[solstar]

Is that mania really? If so I guess maybe I have had mania!?

I thought it was a panic attack.  My bipolar is atypical 

[whatsgoingon]

Rabbit, I understand you wanting to know what's actually happening. It really annoys me when I'm kept in the dark/people won't take the time to discuss my symtoms with me. Like for example my (paranoid) psychosis- pdoc one was really good about it, though it was only mild at the time. pdoc 2 didn't want to know. Unfortunately it's developed somewhat since then and it's only through this board I'm really able to accept it's a part of mania, and that I am BP and everything.

We shall see how Mr New Pdoc No 3 holds up on Monday.

Anyway, good luck with figuring this one out.

(And as an aside, as I feel a bit ignorant, could someone explain what a panic attack actually is? In the past I've hyperventilated, not been able to breathe and had to resort to holding a paper bag over my mouth/nose. Those affairs are for me a short episode lasting only 10 or 20 minutes, so I'm guessing that's not what the actual clinical definition of a panic attack is? Is a panic attack something longer then? Aaah confused! Not that it makes any difference to me, just interested)

[sepia]

Wikipedia.org on panic attacks.  Their explanation is fairly good.  I'm sure a number of people here could give you more vivid, personal descriptions. 

[Dweii]

Just curious, are you on a SSRI right now? I used to get something similar when I was on Zoloft, I called it The Zoloft High.

[gballsout]

People (who aren't med specialists) have asked me if what I describe is panic attacks, but I don't have racing heart rate/breathing.

[whatsgoingon]

Thanks for the link 7, it's v helpful.

[invictus61101]

For me, promiscuous means that I have cheated on my husband (while manic) many many many times.

Is thinking that you want to push someone in front of a train really that abnormal of thinking?  I think similar things almost continuously, even when not manic or necessarily depressed. 

[bxt227us]

Yup. When I first started having manic symptoms I thought it was acid coming back to haunt me 10 years later. Bright colors, screaming in the mind, liquidy thoughts and sensations, soul on a thin tether...self being replaced by noise. Unlike acid, it did not feel at all like being shot at while having an orgasm. Upon exposure to SSRI the overstimulation became burning to the point of incapacitation. What you describe sound to me like mania. When I feel like that I am sure to prohibit any behavior without running it through a "is this BS?" filter. Usually I can tell how much of my thought is crazy, so I just sit quietly.

I think the others did a good job on the promiscuous question. There is such a huge spectrum of "normal". I am horrendously promiscuous within the confines of my skull! If you're cheating then yes.

[jensky]

When I've been hypomanic or mixed, I've definitely been oversensitive to sound and crowds -the feeling of everything closing in on me, someone's voice reverberating in my skull.

Although I've never been technically manic, when I tried taking Wellbutrin and when I tried Zoloft, I definitely felt like I was coming up on acid. As I was trying to function in the normal world - and not on an acid trip - it was EXTREMELY uncomfortable.