Anyone experience fear that someone could tell they were crazy?

[JustGotOut]

Since being diagnosed 12 years ago, when I would be in public places, I would try so hard to act normal, and act in a way that I hoped would cover any signs of being mentally ill. Since becoming symptom free I don't have that issue, but I am wondering if anyone has dealt with this type of fear, of sort of being found out?

[Closure]

I do not really fear that much that people will know whether I am at least somewhat off, even though I only tell people who need to know that I am actually MI.

[paintedsky]

I can relate. I'm in general worried everyone around me knows I'm crazy. It keeps me from meeting people and going out sometimes because I don't want anyone to "discover" I have this problem and make a joke of me. 

Nearly every time I have told people about my illness, they either gradually stop calling me or tell me outright they don't trust me anymore. So at least in my experience it hasn't been socially acceptable. 

 

 

 

[unknown diagnosis]

I have attenuated psychosis, so im not completely gone just yet. But when im at my peak of paranoia i always worry that people know something about me i dont want them to know. But yeah other than that i always worry that someone can tell im acting differently or talking differently and its eating at me like crazy

[choleric]

i am definitely scared people will find out im mentally ill. im schizoaffective and if i start doing something weird or have an episode i just say i'm bipolar because i feel like there's a little less stigma around that than around the schizophrenia spectrum haha.

[strange eyes]

when i'm walking down the street sometimes i feel as if people can tell by looking at the way i carry myself that i'm mentally ill.. i know it seems weird but i feel like the way i walk makes me look like i might be crazy?  i feel like other people seem to walk much more casually, have more movement in their arms and an air of relaxation around them.  i usually think i look tense, not much arm movement, anxiety on face... etc.  idk

[Swamp56]

10 hours ago, choleric said:

i am definitely scared people will find out im mentally ill. im schizoaffective and if i start doing something weird or have an episode i just say i'm bipolar because i feel like there's a little less stigma around that than around the schizophrenia spectrum haha.

I do this when I feel the need to tell someone that I do have mental illness. Usually this is restricted to family members (such as my mother-in-law).

But with regard to a fear that someone can tell I'm mentally ill, yes I do fear that people will notice that I'm a bit off, especially at work, and especially when I'm not feeling well or I'm hung over in the morning from my meds. My boss's boss and his boss know something is going on due to taking a short medical leave in March, but they never asked me what medical condition I have.

[Gearhead]

When I am very ill, I have a constant fear that people will be able to see, somehow, that I am not like them, and will turn on me and hurt me.

[Wonderful.Cheese]

On 5/21/2017 at 0:11 PM, choleric said:

i am definitely scared people will find out im mentally ill. im schizoaffective and if i start doing something weird or have an episode i just say i'm bipolar because i feel like there's a little less stigma around that than around the schizophrenia spectrum haha.

If I tell anyone anything about my MI's I say I've got bad bipolar. It's very rare that I do that even. I too have schizoaffective. So much stigma exists for all the MI's unfortunately.

[Closure]

9 hours ago, San said:

I don't tell anyone I have SZA, or that I'm trans (or taking testosterone) while job searching. My job coach has a file with "transman" checked, but no employer sees that, and cannot ask. My ID has an "X", not M or F. 

I work in construction, skilled trades, that would go badly.

With those self-identification forms for jobs where they ask whether one has a disability, I always say no even though the directions often explicitly state I should say yes because I worry that employers would look at them when making hiring decisions even though they are not supposed to.

I also never tell any potential employers than I am bipolar, even though I have on a few occasions told my managers once I actually have settled in at jobs due to my feeling that I need them to know when I have been obviously struggling.

Edited May 24, 2017 by Closure

[Closure]

The disability thing on self-identification forms is standard here in the US, and is supposed to be for allowing the gov't to track things like how many disabled people apply for positions versus how many are actually hired and so on. I am just concerned that it will be used by employers for other purposes.

[Swamp56]

11 hours ago, Closure said:

The disability thing on self-identification forms is standard here in the US, and is supposed to be for allowing the gov't to track things like how many disabled people apply for positions versus how many are actually hired and so on. I am just concerned that it will be used by employers for other purposes.

Yeah, my employer sent around a survey that asked people to disclose their disability if they so desired. And you had to specify your name when doing it.

[Geek]

I don't have a SZ(A) dx... I "just" have depression and anxiety and I worry about people learning that I'm mentally ill. I took 3 months off from work last summer and worked part-time for another 3 months to get ECT for my depression. Even with people knowing I've got depression, I don't want them to know I've had ECT. I suppose I have issues being vulnerable. 

A (now former) coworker started experiencing delusions at work and quit because of a mistaken belief he'd been taken advantage of by a couple of the guys we work with. My coworkers and boss don't take any of his work seriously now, they write it off because "that guy was crazy" even though until the last week or so he was here he was fine. It makes me paranoid that they'll do the same to me if they learn about my crazy.

So my work knows I am chronically ill because of the time I took off last summer and I have two regular "doctor appointments" at lunch every week (pdoc and tdoc). I get crap for my "vacation" last summer and because I don't work as much OT as they'd like, but they stay on the right side of the law and don't ask exactly what's wrong. I think things would only be worse if they knew I'm depressed and therefore had any inkling of how I feel or think about myself (a fear which is supported by a couple of friends who used to work for my company who now know that I had ECT and that it didn't work so I'm still struggling). 

[xanathos]

I would hear voices that I couldn't find a definite source, talking about my schizophrenia/schizoaffective and how crazy I am etc. I thought everyone knew me and I was infamous for being crazy, among other things.

[LiamB]

I worry about people on the street/bus/you name it finding out about my issues. I often wonder if I "come off" as a person with mental health issues. I wonder if I get read that way. I often have a bit of paranoia in general, too, so it doesn't help. It gets worse some days and really frustrates me because I have a hard time keeping friends, especially ones who find out about the Schizoaffective. Doctors and other professionals write off legitimate illnesses as "psychogenic" because I am diagnosed as a person with mental health issues. It's frustrating.

Peace to those who are struggling with this as well.