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Warning- the language in this post is probably going to be very foul. I apologise now. Maybe I'll edit it later when I've calmed down. Maybe not.

So. About a month ago I posted to rant about how shit the pdoc was I'd been referred to. My mum stepped in and sorted the situation out and I got referred onto a guy who was meant to be really good. Saw him today.

So, I get to the clinic and walk into his office. He looks at his patient list. "No, you not my patient. You see other doctor." I'm like, WTF. Turns out I don't get to see him, he wants me to see his SHO (junior doctor) instead. Ok....

The pdoc tries to talk to me, but quickly gives up as alas I'm pretty manic at the moment. She then proceeds to talk to my mum for the rest of the appointment and talks over me the whole time. It's like I'm not even there. Ok, I might be manic, but I'm still her fucking patient, I'm shit scared about what's happening to me and I need some FUCKING reassurance. My mum explains I'm seeing things, hearing things, I think I'm being experimented on and I think they're trying to poison me. She goes to get the consultant.

Pdoc 3 arrives. Spends literally a minute in with us, shouts at me (I actually mean shouts) for not taking my medication (yeah, I know I'm an asshole, but I'm fucking scared, I have absolutely no psychiatric support, I feel like I can't be that ill if they're not bothered about me, my last pdoc didn't give a shit and trivialised everything, I'm paranoid about the drugs...the list goes on. There's plenty of valid reasons for me not being compliant if only they had the patience to listen. I just need someone to talk to). He then says that if I carry on like this they'll admit me to hospital, and asks me if I like being in hospital. WTF? Yeah, jackass, I'm trying to get myself admitted...really fancy a nice holiday in the looney bin.

He then decides I should be referred back to the crisis team (who were basically put in place to deal with psychiatric crisis to try and keep people out of hospital). He then swans out in his arrogant I am fucking god way. And I'm the one who's supposed to have grandiose delusions.

My mum asks pdoc 4 if there's any plans for me to have my own psych nurse, as she works with a psych nurse who said I should have one. pdoc 4 is like "no, she go to crisis team, they treat her". Yes asshole, I know I'm seeing the fucking crisis team, but do we have any long term care plans? Yes? No? Pdoc 4 has a really shit grasp of English and starts coming out with the same answer to every question. We give up.

They decide to prescribe me Depakote instead of valproate, and say they're putting me back on the fucking Seroquel, even thought I don't like it- it makes me feel like shit and it makes me so so tired. So clearly it's a case of patient, shut up and take drugs- never mind that Seroquel might not be right for me. Pdoc 4 makes me promise to take my meds. God, how old am I, fucking 5? I'm not taking them cos I'm as paranoid as hell about them right now. You think giving me fucking Depakote and making me promise to take them is gonna change that?

Then we ask when they'll see me again. "Oh, I see you.....6 weeks" is the answer. Erm, 6 weeks? 6 weeks? You've prescribed me new fucking drugs and you want to see me every 6 weeks? I thought 3 weeks was bad enough with the last doctor.

The only slight plus side to this situation is that I should get to see the original, wonderful, fantastic crisis team pdoc who I first saw. I get on with her really really well, and she's everything you could ever ask for in a pdoc. So I suppose I may get some decent psychiatric care for the next week or so. I just don't know what the hell is going to happen long term- I've seen three community pdocs now, none of whom could speak fucking English (I know I must sound like a bitch but communication barriers are one thing you don't want in psychiatry), all of whom were totally shit, and all of whom I don't think will be able to help me. I've lost whatever faith I had- I feel in a way it'd be best if I discharged myself from the psychiatric service, went unmedicated and see how far I got. I know, I know, it's silly, I'm BP I, I'm not gonna get very far without meds....but I'm just SO SO SO fucked off.

I don't know where to go from here. Is anyone in this shit hole part of England actually able to help? I desperately need some support in real life...and by support I mean a decent psychiatrist. I need someone who can explain all my symtoms to me and help me understand it all. The pdoc today actually had the cheek to say she'd seen in my notes I was 'highly intelligent' (WTF? Do we IQ score psych patients now?) and yet talked down to me as though I were about 5. How on earth do they treat their patients they deem to be not so intelligent? I just want to understand what's happening to me.

Oh, and why do they treat manic patients so badly? Yeah, yelling at me you want to lock me up in the looney bin is reaaaaaly helpful. Are the next 60 years of my life going to be as shit? And they wonder why so many BPs kill themselves.

Meh. This fucking sucks.

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Sorry, I don't know what to say, but I read that, and it's horrible! I am so sorry you have to go through something like that.

Personally, I am scared of my pdoc yelling at me, so that must have been awful. It makes me so angry that people arn't getting proper care, and it annoys me that the mental health industry seems to like to snowball patients around. See you in 6 weeks... oh, another 4. Oh, can't help you, go to this new dude. And this yelling... perhaps you're not taking your meds because one of your complaints is fear of being poisoned. (Mum, paranoid schizophrenic wasn't med compliant because she thought the doc was trying to poison her with meds) Common sense, doc!

Gosh, seeing a pdoc is scary enough, and then you have to worry about how they treat you. I can understand general members of the public being scared, but a trained pdoc? Gee.

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I'm so sorry to hear the shit you went through, and no, I don't think you are at all bitchy for saying that you'd like to have a pdoc with decent English language skills. My god! ;)

Admittedly, I am not very knowlegable about the English health care system, other than what I read here, and that always sounds shit. Just have one Q: is the wonderful pdoc in the crisis team able to help you on any level to navigate through this maddening system? Can she refer you to a pdoc she respects?

Again, I'm so sorry to hear what happened. The only other thing I can add is that, as much as you don't want to and as scared as you are to do so, taking your meds will more than likely help you feel better. Keep in mind this is coming from a friend here at CB, not some asshole doctor yelling at you.

Best,

revlow

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Besides, just on a med level, Depakote needs to have a blood level drawn and the dosage ajusted dependent upon plasma levels.

This is NOT something you want to wait 6 weeks for.

As a BP I who's taking Depakote, hang in there. You can make it through, and shit will get better. I know that's not incredibly helpful to you right at the moment, but it's all I've got.

The Depakote has worked wonders for me, and it reaches therapeutic levels within a week.

Respect.

InfoNut

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Thanks so much everyone, just what I needed to hear- kind words and reassurance from fellow crazies.

I was assessed by a nurse from the crisis team this afternoon who was really good, she's arranged for the crisis team pdoc to see me on Wednesday, and in the meantime they've prescribed me a shed load of sedatives. She asked if I'd be ok with them zonking me out for the next couple of days, which I said I was, so I think the plan is to try and bring me down a bit this way and then review the 'proper' medication with the nice pdoc on Weds, so I think that's when they'll want me to start the Depakote. I was just amazed by the difference in my care this afternoon- the nurse that came took the time to actually understand how I felt, and was also pretty disgusted with the way I've been treated. Especially the being shouted at bit. I was a bit too out of it to really gather what the plan of action is- they've decided I can stay at home for now (there was some talk of supported housing or something for a bit), I'll get regular visits from the nurses, and regular reviews with the nice pdoc who'll sort out all my medication for me properly. And they're going to arrange longer term support for me and my parents as well. Not sure of the exact details, but hopefully things will improve this time round.

Revlow- I'm definately going to ask the lovely pdoc about what to do now- I've already said to the team today I'm not going back to Dumb and Dumber again, if I don't trust, like or respect them as doctors, their's not a chance in hell I'm going to feel ok taking something they've prescribed. I'm hoping she'll have some suggestions for me pdoc wise- I know she'll help if she can.

Anyway, thanks a lot everyone, I'm all chilled out on Ativan and Nitrazepam right now so not feeling the rage quite as badly as earlier. That and being treated like an intelligent adult instead of a naughty child this afternoon has really helped. I still feel like shit about this morning but in a way I'm glad they didn't bother to try and help- least this way I may actually get the help I need. 

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Heya whatsgoingon,

Yah.  Nurses generally rock.  IMHO.

Docs can too, though I'm the first to admit we can really suck.  Which many of yours have.

I hope your next experience is as good as your crisis nurse experience!

--ncc--

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dont know anything about the english med system but that was outrageous.  but glad to hear you're doing better.

i've had lots of experiences where people talk to me like i'm five yet tell me i'm fucking bright as hell.  yeah, it's stupid.

good luck on further stuffs! ^^

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Thanks everyone, your support really means a lot

Had an appointment with the original pdoc yesterday and she was, as usual, fantastic- took the time to decipher what I was trying to say and was just great about everything. She's put me on Zyprexa (15mgs) for the time being and restarted the Tegretol. Though she said the Zyprexa was only for the next few weeks to bring me down, she didn't want me on it long term cos of the weight gain thing.

Anyway, they've put some things in place for us- a carer support person for my mum, they're arranging a long term psych nurse for me, and there's also a big support group type network not too far from me run by a guy with BP. And for the time being, nice pdoc is treating me- not sure how long that will last/what will happen after but I'll discuss it with her when I'm more coherant.

Keeping my fingers crossed things will start to improve permanently from now on.

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Just thought I'd update to say I saw the nice crisis team pdoc again today. The Zyprexa is now upped to 20mg (mmm....I've got this whole manic zombie thing going on- feel like something from Shaun of the Dead!).

Anyway, we discussed the long term psychiatrist situation, and how I didn't want to go back to the community pdocs I've seen so far because of how I've been treated. The outcome was that she'd be more then happy to treat me permanently- ie be my proper long term pdoc! We've just got to clear it with her bosses first, as she doesn;t have any long term patients, just crisis patients who are then referred onto community psychiatrists when they're more stable, so that might be a slight issue- but at least in principle it might be sorted out!

If this works out, it's going to make all the shit I've gone through with psychiatrists recently worth it. Fingers crossed!!

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