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Labre

I'm Bipolar I w/ Psychosis, GAD,& PTSD and I'm going crazy

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This is my first post here and I've never posted on a forum about my mental illnesses since I was diagnosed with them a bit over 20 years ago. I have a sense of weakness or shame being a man that can't get his shit together.  I suppose being out of a hospital is good. Haven't been inpatient in 2 years now. (Hospitalized about 15 times since diagnosed)  Just constant group therapy stuff. You know. IOP, PHP, And all that. 

I have a good medical support system. My psych doc sees me twice a month and if he notices something we tweak my meds. Up the Abilify or lower the Wellbutrin, or whatever. I usually end up in some sort of group program a few times a year each time lasting about 8-10 weeks. I must be doing something right not being in a hospital I suppose. 

The support system I wish I had would be my family. My illness, a couple years back, was so disruptive to my daily life I had to go on SSDI, aka federal disability. I have worked since I was 8. Not supporting my kids and giving them vacations and such is killing me because Social Security isn't a lot of money. Yes, I am grateful for it but I wish I could do more. 

Back to my family. My wife of almost 10 years is growing distant daily. I am pretty sure most of my family thinks my mental anguish is some sort of get over, or that if I was just a stronger person  I could be a normal husband contributing to the family. I always wanted to pass on generational wealth to my sons since I didn't have any. But, I failed at that because of my lot in life. 

Now after all that, my question is this. How do you deal with close family members discarding your afflictions as if you simply have a common cold and you'll eventually get over it?  I'm losing the love of my life because of it, my wife. My mother thinks I'm just weak, and the rest of the family just pretends I, and especially the illnesses, do not exist. Any responses anecdotal or otherwise would be helpful. Thank you so much for those that read my rant. ?

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3 hours ago, Labre said:

    Now after all that, my question is this. How do you deal with close family members discarding your afflictions as if you simply have a common cold and you'll eventually get over it?  I'm losing the love of my life because of it, my wife. My mother thinks I'm just weak, and the rest of the family just pretends I, and especially the illnesses, do not exist. Any responses anecdotal or otherwise would be helpful. Thank you so much for those that read my rant. ?

If your wife and your pdoc are okay with it, I think it would be a good idea to have your wife come to an appointment with you, and perhaps your doc could explain to her what's going on.

Have a talk with your doc before you bring your wife and explain to him/her that your wife doesn't quite get it that you have a very real illness and you can't just "snap out of it".

There's a good chance your wife might have a better understanding of your illness, if your doc explains your condition to her.......Most people see doctors as authority figures.

As for your other family members like your mother, would your mom even be willing to attend an appointment with you, and would you be willing for that to happen?

I think the most important thing, though, would be bringing your wife, so she could better understand your illness, and give you some support and understanding at home.

Edited by CrazyRedhead
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3 hours ago, Labre said:

Now after all that, my question is this. How do you deal with close family members discarding your afflictions as if you simply have a common cold and you'll eventually get over it?  I'm losing the love of my life because of it, my wife. My mother thinks I'm just weak, and the rest of the family just pretends I, and especially the illnesses, do not exist. Any responses anecdotal or otherwise would be helpful. Thank you so much for those that read my rant. ?

I'm sorry you are going through this ... sounds very frustrating.

Have you and your wife seen a couples therapist?

Or for your whole family, a family therapist?

Or as @CrazyRedhead suggests, bringing your wife to one of your own appts.

 

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7 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

I'm sorry you are going through this ... sounds very frustrating.

Have you and your wife seen a couples therapist?

Or for your whole family, a family therapist?

Or as @CrazyRedhead suggests, bringing your wife to one of your own appts.

 

Thank you all for the responses.  I really appreciate that. 

I just wrote a long response and got an error message so I'll try to make it short(er)?. My mother hasn't been involved since I was kicked out of her house at 18. I can ask her to come to a meeting with my therapists. Just writing that makes the anxiety ball in my chest pulsate and I feel nausea. Lol. 

My wife has attended multiple meetings with various therapists over the years but the reaction is always the same. It boils down to her not wanting to accept my afflictions and if only I was a little stronger, or tried these supplements, or exercised this much more everything would be perfect. Perfect enough I could go back to work, provide like a proper husband, and not have to come up with bull shit lies about what I do for a living. 

However, in all the years I don't think she has sat in with my actual psychiatrist. A parade of therapists yes but not my actual psychiatrist. I found one I like and have been with him for about 5 years. The longest I have been with a mental healthcare professional ever. So, @CrazyRedhead that is a good idea. I'll ask next time I see him and explain she doesn't "get it". 

Thanks again everyone. 

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Welcome to CB. Please feel free to PM me or one of the other mods if you need help with how the site works.

It always interests me to hear that people recommend their MI friends and loved ones take supplements, but don't understand about meds. They've just acknowledged that some sort of chemical imbalance is present and needs to be corrected, but they can't make the leap of understanding to admit that taking a prescription medication and taking echinatia are the same. damn. thing. They both imply the presence of a real life illness! 

So maybe seeing your pdoc with you would help. And has she read about bipolar? Do you need a reading list?

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There are support groups for loved ones of those with bipolar. Maybe attending one of those would help your wife. If she feels understood and relates to the other people there it might change her perspective about what you are going through.

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