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10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage Should Be Illegal


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10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

I thought that was fun.  Also, hi everyone.  I haven't really hung around here (the GLBT section)  for some reason since we were on the old board, many moons ago, even though I used to all the time.  Not really sure why...

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Hee hee hee.....good one!

About this....

"Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall."

My short friends are going to be very disappointed! Since I am 6' tall, and they are a little over 5' tall, we were hoping over the years we would all end up a comfortable 5'6". Now you tell me that wont work?!?!? Shit!

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  • 2 years later...
  • 6 months later...

You missed the most important one:

GAY MARRIAGE KILLED THE DINOSAURS.

No, I'm serious. That fiery comet was GOD'S WRATH at their destruction of traditional dinosaur marriage. I saw it on the Discovery Channel.

I actually had a friend dress up in a suit, tie his unruly hair back, and pass copies of this out in my high school like he was seriously against gay marriage. You'd be shocked at how many people didn't get the joke.

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