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I'm histrionic...and in love.


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So I have a bad habit of falling in love with everyone who crosses my path.  Unfortunately, due to the fact that I'm also severely avoidant (and you know that the combination of these 2 personality disorders--plus 4 others!--spells c-r-e-e-p-y), this "love" is never returned.

I'm a college student and I tend to pick one or two guys per semester to be violently in love with and completely obsess over until it fades a little and the next one comes along.  I never do anything about these--I don't follow them home, I don't call them and hang up, I don't send them weird notes, I don't even talk to them.  I just kind of sit there and pine for them and get really depressed because I know nothing is ever going to happen.  It's really not a fun cycle, and I don't know if it's ever going to stop.

Anyway, to my point: This semester's Guy I Love is...my math teacher.  I know, awful awful awful.  He's a grad student so there's not a significant age difference and it's not like he's married or anything (yeah, I actually look at people's hands).  And I feel kind of gross about it, but at the same time I can't help it.  But this time, unlike with the others, contact is unavoidable and I feel really creepy sitting in the class and staring at him (but that's the good thing about him being the teacher--people can catch me staring at him and it's not weird).  So now I'm headed for that weird depression again, not only because nothing will ever happen (because this time it REALLY won't), but because I also feel creepier about this one.

Okay, really to my point: I was just wondering, does anyone else here have the same problem (either falling in weird, obsessive, unrequited love all the time, or being in love with a teacher)?  And does anyone have any good advice on how to make this stop?  Because I really, really want it to stop.

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Honestly, my suggestion would be to drop the class and take it another semester with another teacher.

This sounds like an explosive situation waiting to happen. It has the potential to effect relations between you and your peers, your teachers, and also your school work. I think that it is difficult to just stop thinking about some one while constantly being in there presence and it is unhealthy for you to continue to do so- and probably really really stressful on you.

If you need to, get your doctor to write a letter to your advisor so you can drop the course without negative consequences.  This is probably the least stressful course of action.  Make sure you work on this with your therapist. this is a pattern of behavior that you recognize, it isn't healthy.

Please do something about it.

Take care of yourself.

~navy~

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Schmem-

First off, why you think that you have all these personality disorders?  Your post history leads me to believe that these are mostly self-diagnoses.  Which are valid in that they are definitely things to bring up with your doctors- but breathe a little easy, because chances are you're not a walking axis II. :)  

Secondly, crushes are teh DEVIL.  I usually pick a person or two to be infactuated with in each class just to make things interesting.  But these "crushes" of mine don't sound like they're as intense as yours, and they definitely don't cause me any psychic distress.  They're just fun ways to make me go to class.  I, too, have picked teachers for this crush... which is kind of awkward.  But this guy is probably young and attractive, and probably has other students who are at least mildly infactuated with him- since he's such a smart, good teacher, right? ;)

If this is something that is going to seriously depress you, it's not worth it.  Like Navy said, try to get out of the course.  But if it's something you think you can go with- if you're mostly just creeped out by the fact that he's your teacher, don't be!  I bet we could come up with a hundred people on these boards who have been sillystupid in love with their teachers.  It's totally normal, I promise.

 

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Okay, really to my point: I was just wondering, does anyone else here have the same problem (either falling in weird, obsessive, unrequited love all the time, or being in love with a teacher)?  And does anyone have any good advice on how to make this stop?  Because I really, really want it to stop.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Been there, done that.  The falling in crazy, unrequited love thing that is.  The only advice I can give is to be cognizant of the fact that it is not healthy.  Acknowledging the behavior as something you want to stop is the first step.  I can't say I have stopped the feelings, but I think that realizing that the feelings aren't productive has helped me to make less of an ass of myself.  Therapy probably wouldn't be a bad thing either.  I know I probably could use some myself, but I don't like therapy.

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I am a bit of a crush monster too, I have a passionate nature and see good in people so it's essentially a good thing gone a bit wrong. It's harmless really, I just need to be aware that I sometimes daydream when I could be living my own life. I find that it can be escapism from a bad situation, if other areas of my life are making me unhappy or bored, I will retreat into a love bubble. Also loneliness can be a big factor, if I feel far from my platonic friends or family, I'll look for romantic love instead. I try to avoid spending lots of time alone doodling and daydreaming, I get busy, spend time with other people and do stuff for others, while I wait it out. The fascination usually fades.

I wouldn't pathologise it, it may not be a personality disorder thing, it may just be a part of you, plenty of people have weird crushes often. If you get hung up on this idea that you are 'sick' somehow you'll find it harder to keep up good self esteem and relate to people because you define yourself as a walking DSMV. In truth no one has perfect mental health, or a perfect life. There is no group of normal healthy people hanging around having a party somewhere that we are not invited to. We all have phobias and hang ups, and bad memories and dysfunctions, it's human fucked-upness. Relax and do your best to accept who you are, and you'll find a lot of the negative stuff that you worry over loses it's power over you.

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Karuna,

I think those might be the most helpful words ever written.  Thank you so much, I feel so much less like a total creep than before.  I went to math today and felt a little awkward (it's a Tuesday/Thursday class so the crush had time to multiply over four solid days before seeing him again), and I think it's calmed down.  I think a lot of it was just a combination of a lot of weird things going on in my life (plus his being cute and young and totally my type), so I've chilled a little bit and let it mellow into a standard, quasi-harmless crush.  I'm sure it'll be there long past the end of the semester, but it's nothing I can't handle.  So I'm good.  I no longer feel depressed, obsessed, or self-destructive.  I still have a pretty bad crush, but it really doesn't go beyond the realm of normal anymore.  I was just going through a creepy patch.  I've talked to a friend about this and we both agree that I need to get a real boyfriend--one who is not an authority figure--because I'd probably be much less prone to the hyper-insta-love.

But thank you, everyone, for your words of support.  I appreciate them.

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Schmem, you seem like a really lovely girl and I am sure there will be someone waiting in the wings to step up to the boyfriend challenge. You go!

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