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Where the hell do you meet people?


delicate

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You could say that I'm in a decent position right now (very large college campus.. in the middle of nowhere) to meet people.. but it hasn't happened. I have 0 friends, no one at all. I pretty much sit in my room talking to myself all day. I'll be graduating in May and I'm wondering.. after school.. where in the world does one meet people?

I know its gonna be much harder once I graduate b/c I wont be bombarded with hundreds of 18-22 year olds everyday... I could honestly see myself never talking to anyone again. I only think I'll ever feel comfortable around other MI people... so where do I meet you? Support groups? Out in the real world how do you get into a support group? Are there ads for them in the paper? 

I know there are supposedly millions of us everywhere.. but no one is ever that open, that willing to say Hi I'm Bob and I have issues, what about you? Would you like to grab coffee sometime and we can talk about our shitty lives?

Just wondering.. cuz my life is seeming more and more pathetic each day, and the more I look at it, I really think I'll be alone for the rest of my life... and then what's the point of living?

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Hi,

I don't know that this is really what you are talking about, just the 1st thing that came to mind: Emotions Anonymous. I've never gone to an EA meeting; I have, however, gone to other 12-Step meetings and gotten a lot out of them.

Can't remember if you are BP, delicate. Here is a link of Support Groups from a BP website, though I'd imagine you could find other types of groups from some of these links (for example, through NAMI): http://www.moodswing.org/supportgroups.html

If I come up with any other ideas, I'll post them here.

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Finding people to talk to and make friends with is a major thing for me, too. I had a long dry spell after college of not making new friends. But, once you settle into a job (preferably one you enjoy, it will get easier to meet people again because of the shared work interest.

And, by the way, support groups ARE in the newspaper, as are all kinds of groups such as hiking, stargazing, and so forth. Or volunteering at an animal shelter...

It can be a rough transition from college to The Real World, but there's a lot more out there than bars and church singles groups.

Greeny

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At cafes.  Preferably the grubby kind with real candles and Dumpstered couches and a stack of board games in some rickety closet which people actually use.  Challenge someone to a game of chess or checkers or Go Fish for all it matters.  Play.  Talk while you play. 

Live readings at local bookstores.  If there's an author you're even remotely interested in listening to, go down, listen, and mingle during the aftertalk.  It's kind of like talking to people after a lecture, except they tend to be more relaxed when they chose to be there without grades on the line. 

Support groups.  I found a BP support group through meetup.com.  There are far fewer groups up now that Meetup.com has started charging group organizers for advertising, but maybe there's something there for you.  I've met a couple of amazing people AND found a college major this way. 

ANY GROUP AT ALL.  If you're interested, join.  I went to meetup.com looking for a Scrabble group.  (None locally.  Boo.)  If you hike, find a hiking group.  If you think running falls short of torture, join a free running club.  Book clubs.  Gardening clubs.  Bitch n' Stitch.  Protests.  Make an effort to make conversation with other participants.  Every week, try to talk to at least one or two people. 

Community organizations.  They are often looking for free volunteers to stuff envelopes, post posters, clean up, transport things, make phone calls, deliver meals, whatever.  Find a group that does something you care about, and find a way to help.  You'll meet other people who also care and are also helping. 

Churches.  Some churches are packed with REALLY NICE PEOPLE.  Others are not so nice.  If you find a nice one, though, you can often meet some amazing folks at "seeker" meetings, young adults groups, College & Careers groups, maybe-possibly Alpha meetings, etc. 

Classes.  I met some interesting people through yoga, though no friendships developed.  If I were better at "networking," I'd have likely gotten along better with the other girls/ladies in my dance classes.  Painting classes.  Whatever.  Again, do what you're interested in and you might meet people with similar interests. 

A lot of people make friends at work, too, but this doesn't work too well for me in the long run, with the exception of my local best friend.  Her, I ;) , totally. 

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Excellent advice.

Here's a thread that deals with some of the same issues. Penny Century and I gave some feedback. Very similar to what was said above, but I think still worth checking out; couple different specifics: http://www.crazyboards.org/index.php?showtopic=8475

What 7 of 9 (hi, lmnop!) just said reminded me of something. When I was in my early 20s I moved to a new city. Didn't know anyone other than my shrink.

How I made friends kind of came organically. There was a great antique/thrift store I liked going in. Started talking with different people I met there, the people who worked there, the regular shoppers. It happened over time. I came to realize that it was a hang-out for a lot of us, really the hub of our lives.

This was around the time the game Trivial Pursuit first came out. Every Friday, the owner of the store would have a game of Trivial Pursuit going on after she closed the store. It was great!

Every Christmas she'd throw the "Tacky Christmas Party" -- dress in the tackiest outfit you can find, and bring the absolutely tackiest present you can find under $5 for our version of a gift exchange. Let's see...one year I brought a "Mr. Clown" ashtray (I swear to god, this was real!). Another year, a "Disco Dancing with Donny and Marie Osmond" book. And yet another, a  "Mr. T car deodorizer" -- yes, one of those car deodorizer thingies you hang from your rear view mirror, only shaped like Mr. T.  It stank!

Now, had I been looking for friends, I might not have thought "Oh, yes...I need to go to an antique store to find me some of them!" But we all had a common interest. And, as it turned out, most of us -- under all our wild tackiness -- were very shy people. It just worked. And I think that's how it generally does. You find something that interests you, then you find people who share this interest. You say hello. And sometimes the relationships develop beyond those interests -- you become friends.

Sorry for my long, tacky story! Just wanted to illustrate a point. Hope I managed to do so.

Best,

revlow

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it's not really suitable for someone living on campus, but i read somewhere that having a dog and going to dog parks is the best way to meet people.

hey, worked for me. my main support group in the town i just moved from, (thank goodness i'm gone!), was the people i met every day in the park to walk my pooch.

and here's the weird one. i just started playing social ultimate frisbee. they are the friendliest people i've ever done a group activity with! stuff rowing, basketball, badminton, yoga, all the other sports i've done. this one is the bomb.

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Heya delicate,

Half the reason I work part of the time in the North is b/c my only 2 friends (outside of my sister, brother, and DH) are here.

The other half reason is snowshoeing.  Grouse, where?  If you don't mind saying.  I'm in Northern By God! Ontario.

Seriously.  Outdoor activites are easy and fun, and you can meet people who like what you like.  And can choose to talk to them or not, and they still like you.

I found a lot of other friends on CB.  And that's okay with me.

--ncc--

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