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I have been doing extremely well in the psychosis department, but what bothers me is this...

I am currently on two depots (both are every 4 weeks, but two weeks apart--strange, I know)

I feel like I couldn't have possibly ever been ill, especially because people have had it worse than I. I feel like I never had a problem. Like it all was a lie or something.
Which brings me back to my feelings that I've only woken up yesterday, for the first time in my life, and nothing in my life was ever real. Perhaps it is derealization but I am not sure.

My meds are well in order from what I can see, since I am functioning for the most part, except perhaps in areas of hygiene.

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I get the same sort of reasoning in my head when my medications are working. It seems like nothing is wrong because I feel good in the minute, which has much more sway at least for me than recognizing what has happened in the past. There's a medical term for this called anosognosia, and it's very prevalent in the Sz/Sza world.

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  • 3 weeks later...

A post on here made me wonder some things. Am I just malingering? Am I a faker? I used to be accused of that by nonprofessionals. Do I just want attention? Was me getting sick all a lie despite me hardly remembering it?

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I think I am malingering but I look back at all my involvement with mental health services and all the times I have been hospitalised and think it can't be possible to go through 11 admissions without the many doctors suspecting I'm a malinger. I have thoroughly read all my medical notes from the GP and mental health service and there is no mention of me feigning anything. But I really think I have faked it.

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22 minutes ago, straightjacket said:

I think I am malingering but I look back at all my involvement with mental health services and all the times I have been hospitalised and think it can't be possible to go through 11 admissions without the many doctors suspecting I'm a malinger. I have thoroughly read all my medical notes from the GP and mental health service and there is no mention of me feigning anything. But I really think I have faked it.

@straightjacket You are not a malingerer. Doctors have a way of telling malingerers, and as you said, you've had 11 admissions and many doctors and none of them said you were a malingerer. That means you are not a malingerer. 

When the meds are working, as they appear to be in your case, it's easy to forget how sick we really were and to think that we must have been faking. But it is because of the meds that you are well and can think that. I promise you that if you removed the meds, you would likely become sick again. So my advice is to be glad the meds are working. That is actually very good news.

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