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Better late than never, right?


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This is probably going to open me up to a lot of pointing and laughing, but at 32 I finally have my first girlfriend.  How does a guy go 32 years without having a girlfriend?  Well, he needs to have serious self-esteem problems.  Being very withdrawn socially always helps too.  But like the title says, better late than never.

I met her at this place where I used to go every day to look through employment ads all day and look for a job.  I say used to because I started a new job last week also.  She's 23, and is really into me, which to a guy with very low self-esteem seems odd that any woman could be really into me, but she is. 

At first I was just playing it cool, not letting myself get too into her, because she does have some issues (so do I though).  This place where we were going to look for a job every day just for people with mental illness.  She's bi-polar and says she hears voices.  Has a lot of "trouble separating fantasy from reality", as the staff at the place say.  Talks about witches and vampires and people being shape-shifters, and is really serious when she talks about this stuff.  It doesn't bother me so much except that I worry about her, that maybe she isn't taking her meds, and that believing stuff like this is going to cause her problems in life.

But even though she's a lot more experienced sexually than I am (which isn't saying much), she has a real little-girl innocence to her.  She's probably at maybe a 5th or 6th grade reading level, and is also at that level emotionally IMO.  At first I was not even getting excited about this even though she's my first real girlfriend.  I mean I was debating as to whether or not this even counts as a girlfriend because maybe if she didn't have developmental problems like I mentioned, she wouldn't even be interested in me.  Maybe, I thought, she's only in love with me because she doesn't know any better.  And also I reasoned that I need someone more stable mentally for a long-term relationship.

The first time she said she loved me which was I think our second date (we've known each other probably since last October, but just recently started flirting with each other), I asked her "why me?  Why would you love me?"  She said because I make her laugh, and because she enjoys talking to me, and because I listen to her and don't just want to use her for sex like she says many guys have done. 

I told my mom about her over the phone (I'm in IL and my mom lives in NC), and my mom said she sounds like a very sweet girl, and that she gave me an intelligent answer when I asked why she has feelings for me.  My mom said not to blow this because I don't think it "counts" as a real relationship because it does, and to enjoy it.  So that's when I decided that I was going to enjoy this.  I did start thinking of her as my girlfriend.  I did allow myself to have feelings for her.  And I do love her.  If it doesn't work out and I get hurt, well then I get hurt.  But I've decided I'm not going to let fear of it not working out keep me from enjoying it while it lasts.  She's my girlfriend.  It still feels funny to say that sometimes because I had pretty much given up on ever having a girlfriend.  She's my girlfriend and I love her. 

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I don't really have anything important to add here.. but I just wanted to say thanks for posting this. I'm only 20, but in a similar place of never having a bf/gf or any kind of connection with anyone. Your post just makes me feel that there is hope out there... and if I have to wait another 12 years, then I guess I'll wait.. it should be worth it.  Good luck with everything and I'm glad that you've found someone.. we all need love  ;)

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My mom said not to blow this because I don't think it "counts" as a real relationship because it does, and to enjoy it.  So that's when I decided that I was going to enjoy this.  I did start thinking of her as my girlfriend.  I did allow myself to have feelings for her.  And I do love her.  If it doesn't work out and I get hurt, well then I get hurt.  But I've decided I'm not going to let fear of it not working out keep me from enjoying it while it lasts.  She's my girlfriend.  It still feels funny to say that sometimes because I had pretty much given up on ever having a girlfriend.  She's my girlfriend and I love her.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Holy Schnikeys! Well, as a Mom, I will say, "listen to your Mom!"  :)

Wow. This post has a whole different tone to all of your previous posts regarding women. I hope this develops into a good thing for both of you--sounds like there is potential there!

Good for you!

S9

p.s. I can't help myself: does she like having her feet tickled?  ;)

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Congrats!

Don't knock us voice hearing ladies, we're not mad, we're err, interesting! This is a cool development for you, it's nice to see you feeling positive about stuff and getting some people contact in your life. I know that it must be scary at times but you seem to be keeping the right level of detachedness, whilst being loving toward her. Go you!

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