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Ok I got dealt in again. Coke, X, Beer, but the X ended it. Recurring not so often but maybe 8 years ago this happened on Research Chemicals. This=relationship issue. What kind? I have no clue. Ok ironed out plain and simple about 8 years ago I had a chance to get to know someone I really liked. I took some research chemicals and ended up telling her off for no reason because I was messed up. Now here we are 8 years later I do some X and another person I wanted to get to know I told her off too because I was messed up. The first girl ended it with me. This girl well she did too, except somehow something enticed her to tell me we're still friends. Don't have any clue why? I know doing this is selfish and expect a complete turnaround, but I don't know how to kill my emotions if they try to come. So far I'm good. Some shit just fucks up, and I have no clue why. Personally I want to say fuck it all.

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I understand wanting to say "fuck it all" sometimes. However, it's not worth it in the long run, because I always end up needing to claw my way out of that pit at some point, and it's more difficult the deeper down I am.

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I think it's time that you deal with the substance abuse in therapy because it is clearly interfering with your life and costing you potential happiness. And as Rosie said, it's easier to deal with it now than putting it off until later.

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11 hours ago, Level_With_Me said:

but I don't know how to kill my emotions if they try to come.

Therapy also addresses this part. It quite literally exists to teach you how to handle emotions.

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